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Meanagers

Original painting by #2 of my threefold.

Am I the only mom that thinks her kids are total a$$holes sometimes? Honestly. I need to know if it’s me being a bad mom to think that or if it’s actually a normal thing that none of us talk about. If it’s the latter, can we please just normalize it already so we can express our feelings. We have to have an outlet. We need some moms in our tribe that think like we do and don’t sit in judgment over everything you say, how you parent or how our little rays of sunshine and hope behave sometimes. I have up to 5 meanagers in my house at any given time and a 9 year old. With 4 girls running around you better believe we have all the drama of a daytime soap opera.

I need to be able to vent to someone out there that the crotch goblins are acting like complete punk a$$ heathens without having to say in the next breath “their my world and I love them so much!” Is that not a given? I mean what other relationship in your life would you allow the b!tching, moaning, complaining, moodiness, blaming, screaming, constant worry and anxiety, berating and tantrum throwing to be displayed and still sit there and validate their feelings and experiences. Consoling them, trying to teach them, love them through it and accept every apology without a second thought. That’s what moms do. They get disrespected and unappreciated on the regular, but they keep giving that unconditional love and forgiveness without hesitation. It’s an unbreakable bond. One minute you could squeeze their sweet cheeks and the next you’re so annoyed you could scream (and sometimes do). The ultimate emotional roller coaster is raising kids. Your feelings and mood can shift in an instant. The confused looks of “what did I do” and the smirks amongst your very serious reprimand can hit the wrong button on a mom and send her into the lecture they don’t want to hear for the hundredth time (probably millionth, truthfully) about being a family, respecting boundaries, doing chores or something else we always preach to the little miracles of our wombs non-listening ears.

So I bet you’re wondering what wonderful thing my meanagers had in store for me for me to say they are acting like a$$holes. In this house it’s 17, 15, 13 and 9 for the girls that live here. We have some add on kids occasionally, the boyfriend of the oldest and the person for my 13 year old. Anyways, with that said the older girls get along beautifully. Unfortunately that leaves the youngest of the defcon 4 bunch as the odd girl out. My meanagers act like everything 3 does is the worst ever. She gets sh!t from all of them. No one except me greets her with hugs when she walks in. No one says “oh did you have fun?” except me. No one asks her to tell them about school or her day or weekend away except me. She gets eye rolls. She gets attitude. She gets the blame for everything. Granted she does a lot of it, but we can buy more soap and food and soda. We can find your shorts and your t-shirt in the mountain of laundry. We can buy paint and clean it up. Should she respect boundaries, absolutely! Do hers get respected, nope. You want her to knock and not go through your things but bam who has whose shorts and t-shirt now? You don’t want her to get your things or go in your room if you aren’t there but whose charger did you just grab and demand the use of because you didn’t want to go upstairs for your own? I’m just saying. You can’t hold a 9 year old to a higher standard than you even hold yourself to. That’s just plain hypocritical. I don’t like anyone talking sh!t about the other people that reside in this home or visit it. It’s a hard limit for me. Everyone deserves the same right to a safe place to call home free of hostility. Everyone should feel loved and comfortable to be themselves. I don’t ask a lot of my kids, but I hate fighting, name calling, physical altercations, and blatant rudeness towards one another.

Now I know that as a meanager no one wants to hang out with the youngest. They aren’t old enough and definitely aren’t “swag” enough (or whatever the replacement word is for cool nowadays). And I get it! She is “annoying” sometimes, mainly because she wants attention FROM them, the big kids. She doesn’t have regard for personal boundaries, but neither did they at 9…or don’t they remember? She makes messes, eats their favorite snacks, steals their clothes, chargers, paint, soap, and whatever else you leave laying out for her idling hands to find. Again all things they did at that age too. She just wants be them, it’s really high praise, but they’ll never see that attention-seeking behavior. She wants be a part of the sisterhood that the others tend to have created between them, but she is unable to express it as well.

It was easier for 1 and 2 growing up. They had each other! 1 and 2 were inseparable from ages 2-10, they played together constantly and 1 would be the boss and make sure 2 was always the student when they played school. Oh the simplicity of the little years! They made their own videos “Two Awesome Sisters” and made up crafts, sang, danced, and told stories. 1 was the only person on the planet who could help when we didn’t understand what 2 was saying. 2 had a sever speech impediment and was sometimes very difficult to communicate with, but 1 could. It was an amazing bond. Like expected their four year age gap ended up separating them once 1 reached a certain age. 1 eventually got “too grown” to play the games, the barbies, the make-believe, and to make videos on YouTube with 2. 2 desperately wanted be a “big kid”. Her older sister started began doing her own thing leaving 2 in the dust of 1’s impending adolescence. It’s natural, that progression. There is no blame or fault in becoming an individual, having friends your own age, and changing interests and hobbies. While 1 was allowed to go about finding her own identity, 2 found a new playmate to entertain her. She could now be the teacher, because she had 3 to fall back on. Yet here we are again in the crossroads of the age gap. With a little short of 3 1/2 years separating 2 from 3 and a whopping 7 1/2 years between 1 and 3, the oldest two rekindled that bond they had several years prior. They are amazingly close and I am so thankful that they don’t fight and fuss like typical teenage girls. They share some similar interests and have many shared experiences. They have reconnected in the most beautiful way. My point is 1 and 2 always had options. 3 isn’t ready for the independence that those pre-teen and teenage years have to offer. She is still very much into make believe and story telling. 3 doesn’t have that younger sibling to fall back on like 2 did. (And this momma’s baby making machine is on permanent disability)! She didn’t get the many years of bonding with her older siblings. She is out of the loop. She is lonely and wants to be a “big kid” but isn’t ready do more than pretend to be one. The picking fights and taking things is very much 3’s way of getting their attention. She is desperately seeking their approval and if she doesn’t have that then she will get their attention one way or another. Positive or negative. Attention is attention.

Sometimes I wish that DEFCON 4 (I am liking that!) could see the forever friendships they will have in each other if they nurture and grow the relationship with one another instead of pushing away. I hate to admit that one day it will just be them. I will not be here forever to help them bridge their gaps. It will be up to them to be there for each other when life is sh!tty and all they want is to quit. 1 will always be the nurturer, the one forced to grow up and help raise those kids while I worked. She is the one that huh them while they cry, tell them everything will be okay and give them a million ways that they are deserving of happiness. They will reach for her first if they need comfort and support. 2 will be the one to give you her opinion and tell you how to change it. She will be the one they go to if they want the truth and not sugar coated lies. She will give them honesty, be their sounding board, and be the voice that offers advice (even if you don’t ask out right!) The one with the tough love, but big love. I’m not quite sure what role 3 will play in the DEFCON 4/threefold dynamic yet. For now, I am seeing she will be the silly one, looking to lighten the mood, the legs go have fun, go shopping, go out to eat, dance it out. She is a ham and loves being out, having fun and loves to shop. She will be the one they call if they want to escape the present and just get out, if they need retail therapy or a night on the town. 3 will be the one they call to make them laugh through the pain and remember life is meant to enjoy. Bonus Kid isn’t mine but I can only hope she will be someone that they can call in the many years ahead. I hope she gives them the favorite parts of her dad. She will be the one to offer endless positivity. She will be the one they call when they need someone to tell them how amazing they are and that things are never as bad as their head tells them. She will be a cheering them on and making them see all the good things life has in store for them. It will be beautiful if they remember that their ties are forever. Their sisters for life. Their each one another’s emotional support person in one way or another. Two Awesome Sisters Squared!

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