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A Staple in My Life.

I’m going to take you back to the beginning of threefold when there was only 1 and 1 is the original member of my threefold. It’s a good thing that 1 came first. 1 made this parenting gig look easy. I was young when I had 1, a baby really at only 19. I didn’t have a clue about raising kids or being a mom. I was just getting through my big party it up phase and I was invincible to any real consequences as far as I thought. I was still living with my parents and in college. I wasn’t super focused on anything big for my life. I was just doing what 19 year olds do. I was so naive about real life things and so very entitled to everything in the world. I was basically a brat of mass proportions. Let me give you an example I had the nerve to get upset that my daddy bought me a brand new mustang when I graduated high school that was red instead of getting me the blue avalanche that I had asked for. Spoiled damn rotten. I look back at how much I took for granted in my life as a child of a well off family. Catholic school, cars, money, vacations, the complete and utter lack of worry about anything. I wish my kids had all of that from me. Unfortunately, we weren’t dealt the comfortable life that I had growing up.

1 made their entrance into this world early on a Saturday morning. I will forever remember how scared I was. 5 hours and an emergency c-section under general anesthesia I became a mom. 1 was born. And so it all began. I’m not going to give you a play by play of every step along the way for the past 17 years. That would be exhausting. 1 was my first. 1 is a major piece to my story and in my life. 1 forced me to grow up and be accountable to someone other than myself for the first time in my life. 1 saved me over and over again from myself and made me think of them before making any decisions. I became an adult after 1 was born.

1 was the most beautiful red headed blue eyed baby and child in the world. Yes I’m bias, but it’s also true. They are so smart. They were talking long before they were supposed to. I can clearly remember 1 sitting in their Elmo chair in front of the tv watching “Elmo’s World” and holding their cat, that was lovingly named “Meow”. They are so playful and funny. I was astounded through out their childhood at their ability to never study for tests but always pass them and that they were always so dedicated to being the best. Unfortunately, I began at an early age to put unrealistic performance standards on them. I bought into everyone telling me how brilliant they were and began to make them feel like they were not good enough and not doing their best if they didn’t perform higher than everyone else around them. I think most parents are harder on their first, stricter, and have high expectations for them. We don’t realize all of those things don’t really matter. All they do is add stress to everyone and are taking away their childhood. If I could go back I would change so many things and make things better for 1. For all of my threefold.

1 has always been an amazing kid. They have always been responsible, more mature, made good decisions, and trustworthy. 1 is compassionate, loving, affectionate, kind to everyone and is the type of person who will do anything to make someone else feel better. 1 has been another mom to the other two in my threefold. They are best friends with 2 and make sure they are ok. They love 3 and make sure to be affectionate and give them attention and show interest when 3 speaks. 1 is an amazing big sister. 1 rarely fights or argues, they don’t like being in the middle of any conflict. They are the peacemaker. 1 has taught me more than anyone else in my life what unconditional love truly is. They are so forgiving and have an amazing outlook on life. They probably disagree with that, but 1 has overcome so much in their life and still loves just as big and hard even though the world has given them every reason to stop believing in it.

1 has anxiety, depression, ADD, and C-PTSD. 1 has been through so much but always comes out a better person instead of letting their obstacles get in their way. 1 is my biological child but the “milk man” as we do lovingly have named him stopped contact with us when 1 was three. He just wasn’t ready to be a parent. His unwillingness to be a dad and take responsibility was one reason I made sure 1 had a half way decent mom even to be so young I was willing to do whatever I could to take care of my child. 1 was adopted at age 4 by their dad. Unfortunately the happily ever after we were searching for wasn’t in the cards with my ex husband. They will always refer to him as their dad, because he has been the one that they grew up with. Regardless of how they feel about his lack luster parenting, in their opinion at least he stuck around. 1 was forced to grow up in a house that was filled with lots of confrontation, accusations, drug and alcohol abuse, psychological and physical abuse, and to top it off they were sexually abused twice by two separate people at two different times in their life. They still tried to be everything they felt they had to be. However, I didn’t know that behind the smile, the beautiful face and the desire to please everyone they were in so much pain. Just like I had been. Just like we all were. I didn’t realize I was teaching them how men were allowed to treat us, how we weren’t allowed to show emotions, how we were supposed to shove it down and hide it all with a smile.

1 grew up fast. Faster than a lot of kids, but they have always looked like a child and still do. At 4’10” and not much more than 100lbs they have always been the smallest one. That small frame hides a lot of fight though. They are tough. They are sensitive and emotional, but they are strong. It’s taken 1 a while but I truly believe they are growing into a person who sees good in people. I am not sure how after everything they have been through they are still so sweet and willing to put it all on the line for others. It’s truly an amazing power and an inspiration to witness.

I’ve always had a really close relationship with 1. Probably because I was forced to grow up and learn some hard lessons with them instead of teaching those lessons to them. We’ve been through everything together from the beginning. They have been my best friend. I know moms are often ridiculed for saying that because we aren’t supposed to be our kids’ best friend we are supposed to be the parent. Well I think both things are possible. Seems to me like it’s worked out pretty damn good for 1 and I.

I don’t know many 17 year old females that tell their mom everything. I know what they are doing, where they are and who they are with at all times. Not because I track their phone but because they tell me. I don’t have a reason not to trust 1. They aren’t the lying type. Maybe baby white lies, but they don’t lie big. We had a rocky period, where I felt like they were heading down the wrong path. Drinking, smoking pot, sneaking out, boys and all of the typical teenage things that you know they probably will do. When confronted 1 owned up to all of it, took their punishment and learned the lesson. What’s the lesson? Mom always finds out the truth, maybe not the first time, but eventually mom will find out. Truer words have never been spoken. I know. I was a kid and I did all of those things plus more. I bought the t-shirt, hell I made the t-shirt. After that it was like a switch went off in 1. They began sharing more than ever. They began over sharing! I don’t need to know everything, but it sure is great having the relationship with my daughter that I didn’t feel like I could have with my mom at that age.

I get told all of the stuff and all of the things. Now I know how their cycle is going. I know if she has a fight with a friend. When we have a crilbus scare (whole other post for a whole other time.) I get told it’s time to see the gynecologist because they think their ready to trade their v-card for a chance at the big o. I get told about the heartache and the d-bag guys that “hit” them up on social media. She tells me when she is struggling and seeks comfort and reassurance. She comes to me in the good times so I can celebrate her victories and the bad times so we can work through her hurdles. It’s a beautiful thing the communication we share.

1 is an amazingly wonderful person to have as a daughter. I’m so grateful for this child. My 1. My beautiful loving kid. My meanager. I know so much more about them because they are honest. I love that we have all night talks and that they come to me when they are sad, scared, frustrated, anxious, hurt, happy, excited, playful, or just to shoot the shit and hang out. I love that they are affectionate and always wants a hug and an “I love you.” I love that I know they are obsessed with animal crossing and are still child like with their stuffed animal collection. I know they fear disappointing the ones they love. I know that they love art, but often get creative blocks. I know they are an empath who reads energy and absorbs it. I know they think they have a mysterious ailment anytime they don’t feel well or see any skin rash. I know they like to be with people who allow them to express themselves. I know they don’t like drama. I know they get anxious in crowds and when there are loud noises. I know they hate confrontation and they are scared to hurt people. I know they will stand up for others and have strong values. I know they are funny and do amazing impressions. I know they are big hearted, loving and compassionate. I know they are teeny tiny but have big dreams. I know they have more strength than they give themselves credit for. I know that my life would be incomplete without them. I know they are a beautiful person inside and out. I know my threefold would never be if I didn’t start with 1.

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