This weekend has to be one for the record books. No we didn’t break the time on cleaning house or master new skills. I simply gave in and submitted to the sleep I have been desperately needing for months now. I’m not sure I have ever slept as much as I have over the past 48 hours and I’m not sure how I can still feel exhausted after sleeping as much as I have. I am not sure how I have managed to be able to sleep and not be awoken because of this or that or phone calls or hunger or anything. It’s miraculous. I love sleep. However, I have allowed it to be an unattainable and elusive goal these past few months.
Friday I managed to get 7-8 hours which although I used to be able to sleep like that regularly has not been a reality for me in months, maybe even close to a year. Saturday I worked but felt exhausted all day despite my decent night sleep. I came home and took a 3 hour nap. I got up fixed dinner and was back to sleep by 11:30pm. I slept another 10 hours, YES! 10! Obscene. Then slept again and again and again. I’ve had maybe 4 hours total awake hours all day. Those were spent in bed, or lounging, snacking, or snuggled up against the man who stayed in bed with me, and writing of course.
I’m preparing myself for the stress and anxiety of the weeks to come. School is about to start back bringing with it lists and shopping and bills. Meetings with lawyers and new routines. I’m hoping for a discharge date for 2 soon, though that may not be happening just yet. I’m anticipating doctors and nurses and therapists calling with updates, medication authorization, and treatment plans. I’m looking at coordinating 1’s senior year. I’m preparing for facilitating communication between school and hospital so that 2 is on track for her 8th grade year when she is released. I am bracing myself for 3 not wanting to get back in the school flow and go to bed on time and the early morning struggles to make it to the bus stop on time. With everything getting ready to come at us full speed I think my body decided it was time to relax and recharge because this weekend is the second to the last of summer break. Next weekend no doubt will be spent prepping for the first day.
Today I am going to be grateful for the rest. I am grateful of the reprieve sleep brings from the everyday hustle and bustle of life with my threefold. I am not going to feel guilty for letting myself fall into bed and sleeping this weekend away. Sometimes I forget that it’s ok to stop and relax and give myself the time I need to recharge. Sometimes it’s ok to say “No” and focus just on what my body is telling me that I need. Sometimes pushing through the tired and the stress is not the answer. I am grateful I have allowed myself to take a break this weekend and not forced myself to push through.
