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Funked Up

How many times have I said I don’t have the time? I don’t have time for myself, I don’t have time to clean, I don’t have time…fill in the blank. I put the PRO in procrastination, because I’m a damn professional when it comes to putting it off until the last minute. I have always been this way. I don’t know why either. I know I have anxiety. I know it’s going to increase that anxiety threefold and make me irritable. Why do I do that to myself? How the hell do I fix it?

I’ve been in a funk all week. I’ve been as busy as gets at work. I’m drained of all niceties by the time I get home at 6:30pm. My ‘me time’ for meditation has doubled this week in response, yet within minutes I’m back to square one with my attitude. Funky and foul. I go into the day with good intentions and bam something happens {a mild inconvenience or an assumed backhand comment} I’m immediately spiraling into negativity and irritation. What gives? I’m taking my meds. The kids are healthy and stabile {for the most part} The bills are paid. The sex life is stellar. I’m doing my positivity push. I’m just not sure.

What the hell is wrong? Why am I ready to throw down and so on edge? I’ve been just a mess of up and down all week. THAT is pissing me off as much as anything else. I can’t even seem to find my focus. I sat down and did a spreadsheet today, but I hated every mindless second. I went and began a paragraph of three different blog posts, yet a week later and nothing has been published. I haven’t even been on social media {other than the family group chat with the kids and my make you gag conversations with ‘E’} I’ve barely cleaned and I haven’t cooked. I started an interesting book I haven’t finished. I even started my own first chapter and stopped. I am at a standstill with my personal life as my professional life continues to go at full speed.

I’m burning myself out at work. I love my job, but the list of to do’s grows longer each day. I’m beginning to beg to lock myself away there just to catch up. I find myself calling customers on lunch and responding to emails at night. I even talk about work at home as ‘E’ and I work at the same company. He left town this week {short trip} and came home to an empty house for the first time without the normal enthusiastic greeting of #2 who usually tracks his every move. I have an assignment for therapy I haven’t touched. I feel so unaccomplished in my personal life. Our real talk roundtable {family dinner} dwindled down to two nights this week. I’m just not myself. Where am I?

I’m not depressed or manic. I’m just blah. Maybe it’s the season? Maybe it’s the looming court date that I feel unprepared for? Maybe it’s the increased arguments at home? Maybe it’s the feeling like I am struggling too much financially to work as hard as I do? Maybe it’s my feelings that all that work is still not enough? Maybe it’s PMDD {hormones blow}

I know you make time for priorities. I know I have time. I know I’m going to be responsible for fixing whatever it is that’s bugging me. It’s not going to just disappear. I wish I liked peanuts, I’d almost be willing to try a snickers! Something has to give and I have to figure it out! I am impatient and I want to fix it NOW! It’s time to conjure a funk-free formula! Help a girl out y’all! How do you defunkify your energy? When you start the funk free fall when all else has failed? Trying to…Be Positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M

Leave your tips in the comments! I would appreciate the assist! I need your best defunking devices and actionable advice! ❤️

6 responses to “Funked Up”

  1. Impressive dear

  2. Keep on grinding away. By the way, your terrific quotes reminded me of one I heard yesterday from comedian Amanda Seales. On her social media, she said she heard she was difficult to deal with. She looked right in the camera and said, of course I am difficult. I am an ethical person who demands excellence, so when people treat me poorly and are not ethical, I am difficult. I loved this.

  3. Procrastination is like taking items you meant to deal with and tying a sting to them and attaching them to your shoe. We just keep dragging them along until we do them. Luckily some of them fall off in time, but some are more persistent. I am a great procrastinator too. I seem to have just exited a procrastination slump myself, maybe it is just going around. The fog will lift, for me, any small thing that can get me started helps. I think it is a product of feeling overwhelmed, where do you start? Any small task can help, mine was finally taking the time to tackle that pile of bills scattered across my desk. My wife and I have survived our five boys so I have a lot more time to procrastinate now. By your writing you seem to be ambitious and intelligent and busy. Just do what you can get done, love yourself and your family and remember that the fog of procrastination will lift. It is cool that you are meditating, it is what keeps my oars in the water, I definitely prefer to float. Enjoy the silence.

    1. Thanks Kevin! Meditation is definitely a sanity saver for me! I stress myself out with all of my procrastination and it’s got to change! Working on that now! 😅

      1. You got it, cut yourself some slack. We can only do as much as we can do. Looking back most the important thing seem to get done.

  4. […] I posted Funked Up. I have been racking my brain all day, meditating, reading, writing and stimulating my vagus nerve. […]

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