What the Funk?

Yesterday, I posted Funked Up. I have been racking my brain all day, meditating, reading, writing and stimulating my vagus nerve. {it actually helped} I think I’ve determined the culprit, but I’m going to have to see how it plays out. Per usual I decided to put an actionable plan in place. It starts with today.

I decided I don’t want to feel shitty today and I don’t want to feel that way all week again without knowing why. If I spot the why maybe I could fix it. Well I combed over {and probably over analyzed} my major sources of stress. I came up with several.

• Time Management
• My threefold
• Work
• Relationship
• Money
• Divorce

With these in mind I asked myself what I could do, change, or begin to make myself less stressed in these areas. How can I resolve some stress and defunkify my demeanor? I can’t blame everything on everyone else or my past nor present circumstances. If I want something to change then I have to be the one to change it or change my perspective on it. It’s easier said than done.

Time Management: I am chronically late. It’s an issue, it’s become more of an issue most likely because no one makes it an issue. I’ve never been scolded and always just been the running joke at work. My boss is super understanding with me, but if I’m honest, I have to say I take advantage of that. More than I should. Yes, I’m a single {ish} mom on the responsibility front. Yes, I get my threefold to school each day, but I take my time in the morning. I don’t rush because it flusters me. I like to mentally prepare. I want to make sure the morning routine is complete. If it is going to add to my frustration then I should change it.

I also tend to use my time unwisely. I have no dedicated ‘office time’ so I am constantly starting and stopping projects. This leads to disorganization and a lot of moments feeling like I forgot to do something and making mental notes in my head of what I need to do next. Even with writing I procrastinate unless it’s just all flooding to me. It’s not going to write itself!

I don’t spend the quality time with the people I love when I’m wrapped up in writing or work. I’m not present. My mind is on my next goal and accomplishing it. I’m awesome at setting goals, but I haven’t put enough focus on my goals outside of my own growth, professional and creative areas of life. This will change. I’m certain of it.

My Threefold is amazing and they are really good kids {most days} but just like all kids they can irritate me and poke at that bear inside of me. They are funny, but sometimes they don’t see when I am tolerating smart ass remarks because they’re funny and when I get annoyed and it’s time to stop. The oldest two are struggling with their youngest sister. The added arguing and the inconsistency from my end on discipline has made it easier for them to just shrug off my first through tenth request. I hate yelling and I hate punishing but I know that they need the boundaries to be made clear. This is certainly about to change as well.

At Work, I makes BIG goals and take on large lists of responsibilities. If I’m not on my ‘A game’ then it is difficult to manage it. I get irritated when I took it upon myself to do it. I don’t ask for help and I make myself crazy trying to juggle everything. I sell more than 98% of my company nationwide, yet I always want to beat my last big sale. I’m competitive and driven. I am also stubborn and stressed to the max. I love a challenge, but when the challenge gets overloaded with another and another that’s when those turn to feeling burnt out. It’s time I restructure my goals and accept my abilities are that of a normal human, not a superhuman sales god that can manage it all alone.

In my personal relationships, I tend to assume the worst. I’m not as receptive to criticism or advice as I am from people at work. I am quick to become aggravated and defensive if I perceive someone is being condescending or overly critical. I feel I need to explain it and explain it and keep explaining it. When I feel unheard I repeat myself over and over in different ways. I also am quick to shut down and walk away. I want to change that into more positive interactions and stop assuming the worst from those that love me.

Money is my biggest stressor. I put emphasis on it and have this need for financial security {which I don’t have right now} When my money is out of whack, everything is off kilter for me. I’m working on big changes here and I’m ready to see them finally pay off, literally!

Finally, damn divorce court and the dynamics of the divorced relationship. I made some shocking discoveries this week that totally made me realize just how much this person truly wants to see us suffer. I’ve given power back to someone I said I wouldn’t by allowing their actions to control my reactions. With trial looming over me and my overthinking nature I’ve been quite anxious. I’m ready for the final decree after 2 years due to delays and Covid and all the bullshit in between. I’m ready to just feel like if nothing else that part is done. I am so ready for that part of the process. In the meantime I have to remember who I’m dealing with. I also have to remember that it’s my decision who and what I allow to affect my energy and steal my peace. Believe me, HE doesn’t deserve anymore of it!

How am I going to fix 6 major issues and decrease my stress while increasing my productivity? That’s what today has been spent, planning my strategy to debunk the funk. Once it’s completely compiled and ready to put into action then I will debrief you on my debunking the funk debacle! In the mean time stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M