What I wish my kids knew? Phew. A LOADED question for most moms, I think. Mommin’ ain’t easy and my crazy train is on the bipolar express, which makes our lives extra complicated. I’ve got a list, so I figured I share it with my tribe. Ready or not. Here are all the things I wish my kids knew about me, their momma.
- I’m only human. I make mistakes. I mess up. I forget important stuff. I lose track of time. I am just a regular person who is imperfect like they are.
- I am inspired, motivated, and intrigued by them. I am in awe of the masterpieces of these little creations.
- They hurt my feelings. The mean words, the hurtful actions, or disrespectful behavior genuinely hurts me. They cut me the deepest.
- I want to protect them. Sometimes from others, but sometimes from themselves. I hurt when they hurt.
- I cry for them, I worry for them, and I obsess over every single decision that will affect them.
- All of them are my favorite. Some days it’s my oldest, other days my middle or my youngest. Some days it’s all three. They all hung the moon in my eyes, so there are no trophies for “favorite”.
- They make me better. I wouldn’t be who I am without them, individually or collectively. They have changed me in ways they will never recognize.
- They’ve saved my life more times than I can count. I struggle with mental illness and I admit I have had many times where I wanted to give up. I’ve always fought through because of them.
- I have trauma, too. I have a messy and complicated history. I’m damaged, broken, and haunted by my past. My struggle is just as difficult for me, however, I’m healing.
- My life doesn’t revolve around being a mom. I am more than just that title. It’s not always about them. It can’t be.
- My frustration is not their burden to carry.
- Being the primary parent who is responsible for every aspect of three human lives is extremely difficult. I may not be “single”, but I am the main source of support emotionally, financially and physically.
- I pray everyday for them.
- I believe in them more than they will ever know. I don’t want to see them struggle. I try to ease that struggle each day.
- I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right there for every moment until the day I die. Beyond that…it will be in the music.
- I always love them, but sometimes I really don’t like them.
- I’m sorry for every minute of pain, hurt, trauma, and horror they ever lived. My mom guilt is heavy, and I swear to never allow them to experience any more of that pain.
In My Feelings
I’m not crying! You’re crying! Shut up. <sniffle> Don’t look at me! My experience, their lives, and our family gets me in my feelings sometimes. Not to mention, this momma is exhausted in every way imaginable. Between hospital admissions for 2 and now 3. To the new baby on the way. My vehicle deciding that she has had enough of us, and working all the damn time, it gets very hard.
One day, when these babies have babies they’ll get that we weren’t joking when we said mommin’ ain’t easy! I’m sure you have a few to add to the list! Feel free to share your thoughts on what I missed or missed the mark on! In the meantime, we’ve got this, all of us! Because, that’s what we do! ☮️❤️😊~M