If you want to know what it’s like to have ADHD as an adult. Here it is in all of it’s glory! You are so scatterbrained and unfocused. You don’t just lose track of time. You don’t just forget your keys in your room. It’s not just forgetting a drink before you leave. It’s not searching for hours for a key that you are the only person that has a copy of it. It’s not just locking your purse and everything in the truck. It’s next level scattered and unfocused. Stress only intensifies the scatter. That’s what January has been like for me.
One of my scattered mornings where I was rushing too much to stop and check my pockets, I locked my keys in my bedroom. Easy problem to solve right? Nope! My bedroom door can’t be picked with a skeleton key or simply unlocked with a credit card. My bedroom has a keyed lock that we installed to keep my ankle biters from creeping in and stealing our stuff. I couldn’t call the other person who had a key, because my purse was in my truck with my phone, which was also locked. My keys were behind that door and I was late for work. What was I to do? Well I probably could’ve done something else, but I did the first thing I could think of…I kicked the door in. I’m bad ass, but also have no time management skills in my possession.
A few weeks later I couldn’t find the key to the danger drawer. This is not a good situation. All my sanity and that of my threefold is locked in the danger drawer. I looked EVERYWHERE for that small key. My robe, nope. The sherage (my garage), not there. My traveling trash can (my truck), not there either! I cleaned my purse three times and checked all seventeen of its hidden pockets and emptied that black hole, still nothing. My jeans, the laundry basket, the kitchen, under the bed…no. I searched high and low. I even dug in my garbage, just to make sure. No dice. So ‘E’ had to drill out the lock and render the danger drawer unsecured. The next day it was found in my hoodie pocket that I had worn two nights before.
Probably the most dangerous conclusions of my absent mindedness came when I was pulling out of my driveway. I had realized as I was backing out that I didn’t have a coke for my afternoon caffeine kick. Much needed and very important piece of my life for full functionality. Well. What had happened was…I pulled back in the driveway and ran into the garage to grab a coke out of my outside refrigerator. I heard a crash. I came back around the front and realized I didn’t put my truck into PARK! It was rolling into my closed garage. Shiiiittt! Thankfully, my maintenance on my vehicle is pretty much nonexistent. So my alignment isn’t quite right. My Ruby {yes she has a name} took a slight left. And hit the three trash cans in front of the garage before coming to a stop at the wall. No harm. No injuries. Just some spilled trash and a lot of feelings of embarrassment at my brain malfunction. I got the coke though!
When I say all three of these events happened within weeks of each other, I’m not kidding. I have kicked off the new year and also a door in. I lost my key in a sweatshirt. I did not do this month right. I crashed and am crossing my fingers, toes, and legs {because I’m a damn lady!} that I don’t burn too. I am going to have to slow the hell down! My house can’t take the beating I’m giving it!
So that’s my recap for January. I did reach some goals, but mainly I just lost my train of thought. I was in a funk more often than I had anticipated, but February is here and it’s time to clear my brain fog! I am going to refocus, slow down and get my year in gear! January was my ‘free trial month’ for 2022, now the real deal is here. I am keeping the subscription so I’m going to use it more carefully! No option to cancel! Stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
Yesterday, I posted Funked Up. I have been racking my brain all day, meditating, reading, writing and stimulating my vagus nerve. {it actually helped} I think I’ve determined the culprit, but I’m going to have to see how it plays out. Per usual I decided to put an actionable plan in place. It starts with today.
I decided I don’t want to feel shitty today and I don’t want to feel that way all week again without knowing why. If I spot the why maybe I could fix it. Well I combed over {and probably over analyzed} my major sources of stress. I came up with several.
Time Management
My threefold
Work
Relationship
Money
Divorce
With these in mind I asked myself what I could do, change, or begin to make myself less stressed in these areas. How can I resolve some stress and defunkify my demeanor? I can’t blame everything on everyone else or my past nor present circumstances. If I want something to change then I have to be the one to change it or change my perspective on it. It’s easier said than done.
Time Management: I am chronically late. It’s an issue, it’s become more of an issue most likely because no one makes it an issue. I’ve never been scolded and always just been the running joke at work. My boss is super understanding with me, but if I’m honest, I have to say I take advantage of that. More than I should. Yes, I’m a single {ish} mom on the responsibility front. Yes, I get my threefold to school each day, but I take my time in the morning. I don’t rush because it flusters me. I like to mentally prepare. I want to make sure the morning routine is complete. If it is going to add to my frustration then I should change it.
I also tend to use my time unwisely. I have no dedicated ‘office time’ so I am constantly starting and stopping projects. This leads to disorganization and a lot of moments feeling like I forgot to do something and making mental notes in my head of what I need to do next. Even with writing I procrastinate unless it’s just all flooding to me. It’s not going to write itself!
I don’t spend the quality time with the people I love when I’m wrapped up in writing or work. I’m not present. My mind is on my next goal and accomplishing it. I’m awesome at setting goals, but I haven’t put enough focus on my goals outside of my own growth, professional and creative areas of life. This will change. I’m certain of it.
My Threefold is amazing and they are really good kids {most days} but just like all kids they can irritate me and poke at that bear inside of me. They are funny, but sometimes they don’t see when I am tolerating smart ass remarks because they’re funny and when I get annoyed and it’s time to stop. The oldest two are struggling with their youngest sister. The added arguing and the inconsistency from my end on discipline has made it easier for them to just shrug off my first through tenth request. I hate yelling and I hate punishing but I know that they need the boundaries to be made clear. This is certainly about to change as well.
At Work, I makes BIG goals and take on large lists of responsibilities. If I’m not on my ‘A game’ then it is difficult to manage it. I get irritated when I took it upon myself to do it. I don’t ask for help and I make myself crazy trying to juggle everything. I sell more than 98% of my company nationwide, yet I always want to beat my last big sale. I’m competitive and driven. I am also stubborn and stressed to the max. I love a challenge, but when the challenge gets overloaded with another and another that’s when those turn to feeling burnt out. It’s time I restructure my goals and accept my abilities are that of a normal human, not a superhuman sales god that can manage it all alone.
In my personal relationships, I tend to assume the worst. I’m not as receptive to criticism or advice as I am from people at work. I am quick to become aggravated and defensive if I perceive someone is being condescending or overly critical. I feel I need to explain it and explain it and keep explaining it. When I feel unheard I repeat myself over and over in different ways. I also am quick to shut down and walk away. I want to change that into more positive interactions and stop assuming the worst from those that love me.
Money is my biggest stressor. I put emphasis on it and have this need for financial security {which I don’t have right now} When my money is out of whack, everything is off kilter for me. I’m working on big changes here and I’m ready to see them finally pay off, literally!
Finally, damn divorce court and the dynamics of the divorced relationship. I made some shocking discoveries this week that totally made me realize just how much this person truly wants to see us suffer. I’ve given power back to someone I said I wouldn’t by allowing their actions to control my reactions. With trial looming over me and my overthinking nature I’ve been quite anxious. I’m ready for the final decree after 2 years due to delays and Covid and all the bullshit in between. I’m ready to just feel like if nothing else that part is done. I am so ready for that part of the process. In the meantime I have to remember who I’m dealing with. I also have to remember that it’s my decision who and what I allow to affect my energy and steal my peace. Believe me, HE doesn’t deserve anymore of it!
How am I going to fix 6 major issues and decrease my stress while increasing my productivity? That’s what today has been spent, planning my strategy to debunk the funk. Once it’s completely compiled and ready to put into action then I will debrief you on my debunking the funk debacle! In the mean time stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
I don’t know how I’ve survived the past 17 years of being a parent to three girls, my threefold. How have I managed to only have been in a psych ward that one time? {that had nothing to do with my kids, it was all my lovely mental illness making itself known} I’m not sure why it took me this long to find my sanity saving secrets. I wanted to share though, in case anyone else has found themselves losing their patience, becoming the snappy, irritable, on edge momster, or needed a sanity saving technique.
Thankfully I have a great medication regimen right now that is my real saving Grace, but not everyone requires medication. Everyone does require self care and some type of sanity saving solutions to manage stress. Stress, anxiety, overwhelm, burnout and worry are all part of life. Everyone experiences it, but if there is a way to manage it without having a meltdown, blowout fights, emotional breakdown or pulling out your hair then I’m down to give it a go. I’ll try anything twice, just in case the first time was a fluke or flounder.
When I can’t get out of a funk and nothing else is working I have found some helpful sanity savers that make it easier for me to maintain my composure. Don’t knock it til’ ya try it type solutions. It took a while for me to find the best methods for me. I went through a shit ton of unhelpful methods before I found my sanity saving solutions. What works for you could be found in some trial and error, and it’s worth the effort. It’s self care at its core. If you tell me you don’t have time, I will laugh at you. If I can find time even with my threefold, a full time job, umpteen appointments, a relationship, a blog, and everything else in between…so can you, pumpkin.
My Sanity Saving Solutions
MEDITATION!
MANIFESTATION
GRATITUDE JOURNAL
DAILY GOALS
I meditate 2-3 times per day, sometimes more. Sounds crazy and some people say it’s nonsense, but it works! Mindfulness and meditation is proven to be helpful for people who are stressed, overwhelmed or anxious. It improves patience, focus, positivity, calms your nervous system, and relaxes you. It is even recommended for chronic pain as a form of relief. It’s my go to when I’m overly stressed or irritated. Even my threefold now will ask me if I’ve meditated. I’m just more centered and focused.
I do my manifestation journaling or ‘scripting’ usually at least once per day. My morning madness usually has at least 10-15 minutes carved into it for my daily manifestation journal. I try to do this in my evening meditation also for my broader goals and aspirations. Some days I skip this, but I’ve found setting my intentions for the day in writing really keeps them top of mind and helps guide me through overcoming any obstacles. My daily goals are reached more easily and consistently when I manifest how my day will go. I’ve had amazing success with my evening manifest sessions as well. When I went back and looked through my manifest journal from 2021 and reviewed the goals I set I could clearly see where nearly everything I manifested I received.
The gratitude journal is what gives you the ‘attitude of gratitude’ it’s a cheesy saying, but it fits the bill. I’m rolling with it. You can’t be grateful and negative simultaneously. It’s impossible to be thankful for your blessings and be in a bad mood. This is why the gratitude journal is at the heart of my routine and is what forms the base of meditation as well as manifestation.
I use my gratitude journal to remind me of everything I have to be grateful for. I can usually consistently spout out about fifteen or so reasons I’m grateful each day. Some are simple, like caffeine. Others are more complex concepts, for example, my capabilities. I have noticed a shift in my mood when I am showing gratitude and when I write down what I’m grateful for not just have these occur in passing thoughts. It’s an intentional show of gratitude.
I make a list every night of the goals I want to accomplish the next day. They have three main focus areas: mood/attitude, work, and family. Those can be different for everyone. The intentional goals I set out to achieve each day are the action items that I am able to do each day to reach my larger goals for the month and year. It’s about the long game, but it is done in the steps taken each day. Most large goals won’t be achieved in just a few days, so that’s why I break them up into mini-goals that are attainable and show my progress. My progress is what builds my confidence. Every day isn’t perfect, but I am capable of achieving these mini-goals. When they are achieved it’s a confidence booster. When they aren’t I can still move to the next day knowing it was only one day. Setbacks are normal and don’t define you. Don’t let one bad day decide that you are not going to achieve the big goals.
Some people say this is all crap, hokey and don’t believe in having an attitude of gratitude, manifestation or meditation. I do. I believe it because it has worked for me. It has changed my mindset. I am much more positive about my life. I truly believe whatever you put out into the universe you receive. If I put out positive vibes and give off positive energy, that’s what I receive. The opposite is just as true. You know that saying ‘negativity breeds negativity’ well it’s true. If you go into any situation with a negative mindset I guarantee you will find every obstacle and barrier. You will find fault. You will find the failure you’ve convinced yourself that is there waiting for you. If you go into that same situation with a positive mindset and positive intentions I guarantee you’re going to be more able to conquer those hurdles that you face and more determined to succeed because you’ve told yourself you CAN do it. That’s what manifestation is doing for you. You are setting your positive intentions and you’re telling yourself it is possible.
If you can see yourself doing it and can write it as if it’s already yours or already happening, it is then you’ve manifested. It’s the mind trick that makes you feel that positive energy. See it coming to fruition, feel the emotions of that experience, write your intentions and then go do it and prepare for that all to be done. That’s why meditation and manifestation go hand in hand. Both of these have to have a foundation of gratitude behind them to be successful.
I meditate first in order to clear my mind of the clutter and become centered. My next step is a manifestation meditation. I then write down my manifestation to solidify it. After these steps, I turn to my gratitude journal to say thank you for what I have now. I then set my goals for the next day. All in all it is more or less an hour of time that I set aside to center in on myself. To some an hour per day seems impossible, but it’s worth the time to choose you. It’s definitely customizable to you, but I feel an hour is a fair accounting though sometimes it’s longer for me and other times I spend less time than that. Most of the time the majority of that time is spent in meditation and manifestation, which typically have about 15-20 minutes tied to each. I can get carried away in the scripting part of manifestation spending a chunk of that time in this area. My gratitude and goal setting is pretty straightforward and typically take the least amount of time. On busy days, I will separate these out, so I’m not spending that hour all at once, but on days where I’m particularly out of center I will set aside the full hour and just do it. When I can set that aside I will also go full out as that’s what has the most benefit for me.
To each their own, but this routine has really impacted my life in a positive way. It’s my sanity saving solution. My threefold and ‘E’ are pretty good these days not to interrupt mommy’s me time. They have noticed the positive difference it makes in my attitude and my ability to keep my cool amongst our chaotic life. It’s an important part of my life these days and a solution I wish I had found much earlier in life. This is why I wanted to share it with everyone else! Stay positive people! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
It’s the new year, but we have to look back to move forward. It’s time to recap the year and plan for the year ahead. I know I have a goal getter mindset that is determined to achieve my goals. It’s not going to just happen. We have to stop sitting on the sidelines of our life and waiting for something or someone to push us into the action. You have to pursue what you want, it’s not just going to smack you in the face even if it is right in front of your nose. Don’t be so busy waiting for it to happen to you that you don’t realize when it’s there waiting for you to just take it!
I challenge you to take some time to reflect on the past year. How honest can you be with yourself? Can you get introspective and reflect on your year? Some questions are going to be easy to answer. Others, however, will require thought if you want to get to the hard truths that could lead you to find the answers of why you haven’t reached your goals in the past. I know this exercise has been challenging for me and cathartic as well. Pen to paper with brutal honesty always makes me realize my strengths and my flaws. That honesty make me motivated to improve upon my life and helps me to develop my plan for my self growth.
The following are the questions I use when recapping my month and making my assessment of myself. I just expand on them for the year in review. My answers to these questions help me to formulate my goals for the next set of questions.
Overall this year I felt:
My highlights from 2021?
How can I improve in 2022?
What lessons did I learn in 2021?
What goals did I want to achieve in 2021?
Did I reach my goals?
If no, what stopped me? If yes, how did I do it?
What was I most thankful for in 2021?
My strengths this year were:
My challenges this year were:
This year I was most proud of:
That is the same layout I use each month in my personal journal. The next set of questions will be how to format your goals for the new year.
What do I expect this year?
What do I want? {really want not the bs you think you’re supposed to say.}
What goals do you have for the year?
What plan do you have to reach them?
Why are these goals important for you to reach?
How will your life change once you reach these goals?
What challenges do you foresee that could halt your progress? What is your plan to overcome them?
How much time are you planning to commit to reach these goals?
How will you keep yourself accountable and track your progress?
How do you plan to stay motivated?
It’s important to remember that it’s not a goal if it is dependent on an outside factor. A proper goal is not ‘to get a raise’ however, you can say ‘I will be on time to work each day, complete my job duties to the best of my abilities and increase my sales by 3% over last year’. You now have a great set goals that will, when achieved, have the foundation to support why you deserve a raise. I hope that makes sense!
Now, go make some time and get ready to go after your goals. You are the key ingredient to your own success, but you are also the number one obstacle that stands between you and that same success. It’s all about progress, not perfection. Resolutions are broken usually by February, but goals those are more concrete and though they evolve they remain priorities throughout the year! Stay positive! You’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
My least favorite line that people tend to say about divorce is that it’s the ‘easy’ way out. If you think it’s easy, then please go ahead and get one so you can tell me that again in eighteen months when it’s still being held up in court! I don’t think anyone goes into a marriage planning for divorce. It’s also not an easy decision. You don’t have one fight or one bad day and just up and leave. There are a million fights and a ton of bad days. There is trial and error and failure. It’s not a clear cut decision. Deciding to divorce is agonized about and completely anxiety inducing.
I waited far too long to get divorced. I stayed much longer than I should have. I heard the ‘do it for the kids’ and the ‘you made a vow’. Those words were the ones that kept me in an emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially abusive relationship for too long. I was more worried about disappointing my family. I didn’t want to hurt my kids. I didn’t want to just give up because things got hard. Somewhere in all of the years and through the all the worst times I lost not only my self worth, my self respect, and my whole identity. I couldn’t even see the abuse that was not only being inflicted on me, but that I was complicit in with my threefold.
Looking back now, I don’t even recognize that person. I was just a shell of a person and I had no hope for anything better or different for my threefold and I. It still amazes me that I found the strength within to get out and stay out. I left with nothing other than a small hope that there was something more to life than what I had with him. I had to believe that I could be happy again eventually and that we deserved a chance to find it. I realized that the only way to get there was to leave.
A New Year’s resolution nearly two years ago was my first step towards finding a path forward. My decision was made by a random song on the radio playing ‘radio roulette’ with my threefold. Radio roulette is a game we play where the next song that plays on the radio is ‘your song’ and that’s your theme for the day, night, month, or year. When ‘Lose You to Love Me’ came on I knew exactly in that moment that regardless how silly and laughable our little game was, it was a sign telling me to walk away. I decided that if within six months there wasn’t a massive change, I would leave. Things only deteriorated more rapidly and I walked away after thirteen years, with three boxes, and my threefold. It was the hardest and best decision I’ve had to make, but it was the only choice if my threefold and I ever wanted more than a hand to mouth life filled with candy coated cruelty.
I didn’t hit the door and have some major change instantly happen in my life. Happiness wasn’t waiting for me just outside the door. I didn’t walk into a happily ever after life when I left that day. In fact, I walked into the most challenging year of my life. I walked into a battle for my threefold, for their lives, literally, for my rights, for our freedom. I walked into insecurities in every aspect of life. I was broke and broken. I was starting over and all I wanted was a do over, a chance to do it better.
This past year and a half I discovered one big key element to finding happiness-contentment. Do not confuse contentment with settling, it’s not settling. Contentment is finding satisfaction and the happiness will follow. I’ll always want more for myself and for my family. That determination to always find the happiness in my life won’t stop until I do. However, I am content with knowing that it’s mine to create. The happiness is all around me and it always was inside of me. I’m satisfied knowing there is so much more out there waiting for me to discover. There always was, I just couldn’t see it because I believed the lies that said I wouldn’t have anything, do anything, and I wasn’t worth more than what I had.
After reflecting back nearly two years after making that new year’s resolution to discover myself and find my happiness. I see my growth. Here I am. Happy. I can say that with confidence. I’m happy. It’s not always easy, but it was a choice. I’m now content with my life, but still I am striving for better. I have my threefold, our new blended family, the person I always dreamed of having by my side, but never knew existed and an endless amount of possibilities ahead for all of us.
As I sit preparing my New Year’s resolutions for the coming year, I know that I am capable of amazing feats even amongst the challenges that will be faced in the coming year. I’ve managed to make magic happen out of the misery we once settled with. If I was capable of that throughout this year, next year will be a piece of pie! Those capabilities and that determination didn’t come the decision to leave, it came from the battles I fought along the way in search of my happiness and a better life. I didn’t come this far to back down and I won’t give up on my goals. I’m a bad ass goal getter! You should be one too! Start preparing for your big New Year’s resolutions NOW! I don’t think anyone else is less capable than I am of achieving their goals. You deserve to find your happiness. Look for the good! Stay positive ! You’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
