We’ve established Mommin’ ain’t easy. With my threefold and our extremely complicated circumstances surrounding mental illness means my parenting approach needs to be in line and on it’s A-game as much as possible. I’m not the perfect Pinterest mom who is building replicas of Rome with cardboard and crepe paper. I’m a below average cook. I’m also not really into fitness, hair, or makeup. I’m more of the trauma momma chaos coordinator extraordinaire. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for connecting and having one on one time with my threefold.
As much as I wish I could just be an amazing mom, I know I have room for improvement. If nothing else, I always am looking for ways to be better for myself and especially for my threefold. It’s important I have a grasp on my parenting approach for consistency and balance. With mental illness and some challenging behaviors mixed with the change in family dynamics, I have to be able to be effective and understanding. Hold my ground and hold their hands when necessary too. It’s a balance.
It’s just really freaking hard to find that balance alone. So I got a parenting coach. Yes, a parenting coach to help me navigate how to handle my crazy, chaotic, ever changing crew. I’m raising little humans here! I don’t want them to be total assholes and so I need help. The goal is to raise confident, motivated, and compassionate people. Or something that isn’t resulting in a menace to society or crime filled gang life. I don’t know, I’m trying!
My parenting coach, whom I don’t quite buy into just yet, gave me a challenge this week. I was supposed to establish my expectations for my threefold and explain them clearly in a calm manner. Ok. I get that. Then I was to establish set consequences for not meeting those expectations and hold their feet to the fire. Ok. I can maybe do that one too. The last was to plan a ‘date’ with my daughters individually and spend quality one on one time with each. Sounds easy? IT’S NOT! I’m in a ball of anxiety surrounding this challenge.
First of all my threefold range in age. Youngest {#3} is 10, my middle {#2} is 13, and the oldest {#1} is 17. I’m not sure what to do with any of them. That sounds awful, but it’s true. I don’t know of anything that I can do for a few hours with my own kids! Go ahead and bring on the judgment, I’m judging myself too right now.
The thing is that I don’t want to have to say no and cause their day to go straight down the drain. I don’t want to end up with a pouty and irritable kid, because it’s just not something doable today. Not everything can be money related and we don’t have privacy at home with 6 people in the house to make plans at home.
Of course my challenge today is #3 of my threefold. Ugh! Why the hardest one to please is the first date pick, I don’t know! I must like self torture. She isn’t hard to please, but her list of ideas for her mommy time consists over Starbucks, Walmart, Target, 5 Below and a craft project. I can already picture me telling her that I’m not buying a shit ton of useless crap and her pouty face. It’s all shopping and shopping is not my ideal day even on a day when the money moves right.
I’ve scoured the internet looking for something inexpensive and fun we can do outside of the house. It’s below freezing, so anything like picnics, parks, bike rides and nature walks are out of the question. I’m lost. I have zero clue as to what to counter her shopping spree with. I’ve come up empty.
I know she needs this special time with me. I do understand the premise. Also she did have her first four day good behavior streak in months at both school and home so she also earned a reward for her improvement and efforts made. I just want it to go well. I think I’m more nervous about this date than any other I have ever been on. I feel like it’s a make or break it kind of thing. It’s not, but I’m going to overthink this until it’s time to go.
Today from 3pm-5pm this kid has me to herself. We have 2 hours to go bond just the two of us today. I’ve got to go manifest some money and some magic mom mastery. Seriously though, I know this is supposed to be fun. I’m just unintentionally overthinking the fun out of the experience. I know, relax! It needs to be special, but whatever we do today, it’s got to be something that makes her feel special not just a shot in the dark. I’m hoping I can conjure my creativity and find the fun on a cold winters day. I’m staying positive. I’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
It’s the new year, but we have to look back to move forward. It’s time to recap the year and plan for the year ahead. I know I have a goal getter mindset that is determined to achieve my goals. It’s not going to just happen. We have to stop sitting on the sidelines of our life and waiting for something or someone to push us into the action. You have to pursue what you want, it’s not just going to smack you in the face even if it is right in front of your nose. Don’t be so busy waiting for it to happen to you that you don’t realize when it’s there waiting for you to just take it!
I challenge you to take some time to reflect on the past year. How honest can you be with yourself? Can you get introspective and reflect on your year? Some questions are going to be easy to answer. Others, however, will require thought if you want to get to the hard truths that could lead you to find the answers of why you haven’t reached your goals in the past. I know this exercise has been challenging for me and cathartic as well. Pen to paper with brutal honesty always makes me realize my strengths and my flaws. That honesty make me motivated to improve upon my life and helps me to develop my plan for my self growth.
The following are the questions I use when recapping my month and making my assessment of myself. I just expand on them for the year in review. My answers to these questions help me to formulate my goals for the next set of questions.
Overall this year I felt:
My highlights from 2021?
How can I improve in 2022?
What lessons did I learn in 2021?
What goals did I want to achieve in 2021?
Did I reach my goals?
If no, what stopped me? If yes, how did I do it?
What was I most thankful for in 2021?
My strengths this year were:
My challenges this year were:
This year I was most proud of:
That is the same layout I use each month in my personal journal. The next set of questions will be how to format your goals for the new year.
What do I expect this year?
What do I want? {really want not the bs you think you’re supposed to say.}
What goals do you have for the year?
What plan do you have to reach them?
Why are these goals important for you to reach?
How will your life change once you reach these goals?
What challenges do you foresee that could halt your progress? What is your plan to overcome them?
How much time are you planning to commit to reach these goals?
How will you keep yourself accountable and track your progress?
How do you plan to stay motivated?
It’s important to remember that it’s not a goal if it is dependent on an outside factor. A proper goal is not ‘to get a raise’ however, you can say ‘I will be on time to work each day, complete my job duties to the best of my abilities and increase my sales by 3% over last year’. You now have a great set goals that will, when achieved, have the foundation to support why you deserve a raise. I hope that makes sense!
Now, go make some time and get ready to go after your goals. You are the key ingredient to your own success, but you are also the number one obstacle that stands between you and that same success. It’s all about progress, not perfection. Resolutions are broken usually by February, but goals those are more concrete and though they evolve they remain priorities throughout the year! Stay positive! You’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
As promised, I am going to share a step in the Goal Getter’s Guide that sets the tone for my entire day and can be beneficial for everyone else reading too. Having a morning routine! A morning routine is just what you would think it is and whether you realize it or not you already have one. I’m simply suggesting you become more intentional about that routine! It’s easier said than done {believe me I know!} If you’re routine is a mess and there is no method to the madness then I know where you are, I’ve been there too! It’s time to revamp it!
My morning routine was shit. It just was. My morning routine consisted of rushing out of bed {after the 5th alarm} while running around the house trying to make sure my threefold was up and moving. It involved yelling, frustration, cuss words and missing the bus. It was full of negativity and wondering what I was forgetting. I was not only starting my day off in the worst way, but also everyone else’s. I don’t think anyone really realizes how much the morning affects their whole day and how your actions can set the tone for how the day will play out.
Now, I won’t lie, my routine is still in need of improvement and isn’t one making other moms jealous. I have learned what I do in the morning, how I speak, and how I think has the power to make or break my entire day. My new routine makes me much more prepared for my day! It also gives me time to mentally set my intentions for the day. I still need the five alarms and sometimes a swift kick in the ass to get moving, but it’s improved in nearly every other area. We don’t have family breakfast before school or a big motivational pep talk. I can tell a difference though as I realize now that my routine not only affects me positively but also my threefold {even if they won’t admit it!} I bet you’re wondering what I do in the morning that doesn’t involve an hour workout, a big chunk of my day, or getting up at the butt crack of dawn.
Revamp and Rev Up Your Routine!
Wake Up With Gratitude. Those five alarms I set, well the final three have notes reminding me to be grateful! So when my eyes open and I immediately want to moan and groan about getting up I instead stop and think about what I’m thankful for. This forces me to be mindful before the endless list of to do’s start running through my head demanding all of my attention. It doesn’t always work out {mainly because I sleep through that damn alarm, all five, and don’t even bother turning them off!} some days I’m still on too big of a hurry to take the two minutes to sit in gratitude. {that’s bullshit, I don’t MAKE the time.} We all have two minutes, will you take them to be thankful for another shot to do better?
Get Motivated! As I stated my routine still needs some improvement, but my motivational audio and specific morning music playlists are on my morning agenda! I usually listen to my morning motivational audio on YouTube while driving #1 of my threefold {the oldest kid} to school. I continue that while doing my make up at the bus stop waiting with #3. The playlists are a great way to get inspiration and fuel my get up and go for my day!
Meditate!!! Meditation is my way of mentally preparing myself for my day and one thing I feel is necessary in order for me to be at my best throughout my day. I clear my head and breathe. If I have to choose to be on time or meditate then I will choose meditation EVERY time. I usually do a quick meditation in the morning {10-15 minutes.} Meditation quiets the noise in my head and the noise around me. It relaxes me and resets my thinking so I can move to my next step.
Manifest! I not only think about what I want for the day, but put pen to paper and write it down.Writing or ‘scripting’ my intentions for the day is myfavorite thing about my morning routine. I put it out into the universe exactly how I want my day to go. I imagine myself having an awesome day and the part I will play in making that day happen for myself. It sounds hokey and too easy but it works! Do I have a great day everyday? Nope. I do have more good days than bad ones. Honestly, I have bad moments not bad days~because I am the only person who decides if I will allow a bad moment to change the course of my day. My advice is to decide what you want for the day and fully imagine it then write it down. That’s all there is to scripting your day.
Positive Affirmations. I fought this one the hardest {well besides the actual get out of bedpart} I thought these were so cheesy when I had a therapist I wasn’t that fond of recommend trying it because my self talk was so negative. I was getting really good at speaking positivity into others, especially my threefold, but I was beating myself up. At first, I sounded sarcastic and thought how stupid it was to repeat ‘I am control of myself and my emotions’ amongst a million other lines that felt so silly to be saying. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point I started to believe them and I didn’t sound sarcastic or doubt the validity of what I was saying. After a while, I was saying them in my head when I found myself in a situation where I would normally start my verbal assault on my entire way of life. I listen to these on the way to work in the morning or anytime I need the extra reminder that ‘I am enough!’
I definitely won’t pretend to have it all together but my 30 minutes in the morning that I split up between my drop offs and waiting on buses, makes me feel better prepared for my day. The little chunks of time that would be spent mindlessly worrying about how much I need to do are now better spent taking actions towards reaching my goals. These little changes that I fit into my morning mayhem with my threefold have made me less stressed, more positive, and more productive. It’s not always easily accomplished, but it’s time well spent not wasted on worry.
Starting your day off on a positive note will boost your mood throughout the day. You’ve already accomplished a goal {no matter the size} first thing in the morning. The days where the morning routine is seamless and all goes accordingly are awesome, but when I accomplish all of my morning routine even amongst the morning mayhem it feels amazing. Before I began this little routine I would let one minor hiccup hijack my mood and my day. I had decided off the bat that however I felt when I woke up was how I would feel all day. The fact is that we decide what kind of day we are going to have. We decide to be a good mood or a bad one. We decide how we handle the obstacles and challenges that arise throughout our day. It’s not by chance that you have a good day, it’s by choice! It’s not about perfection, it’s about progress. If you don’t like it, change it! Stay positive! You’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
I’m mixing things up a bit this month and setting the bar high! December is the final month of 2021 and that leaves exactly 31 days to finish up this year and I plan to finish STRONG! I am excited about planning this month’s goals and I’m excited about closing out this final month of 2021 with a BANG! The momentum and excitement for this month is all leading up to the amazing year I will have in 2022! I’m ready for that new chapter, but before I start planning the new year I need to wrap up this year with my December Goal Getter plan of action. Are you with me? Hell yeah!
December is a time where we usually get wrapped up {no pun intended} in the hustle bustle of the holidays and forego all goals, agendas and anything that we had set our sights on. I believe that it should be the opposite. This should should be when we are amped up the most to achieve those goals we set 11 months prior, because when we reach them we can have that feeling of accomplishment and the satisfaction that comes with seeing a goal to completion. I really don’t know a much better feeling than the feeling of setting a goal and reaching it! It’s a feeling of self satisfaction and contentment. It’s pride, confidence, hope, and accomplishment that comes together making you see yourself as the ultimate bad ass you are. What better way to end this year than to end it with that?
If you chose to download the workbook, AWESOME! That workbook will be handy to use throughout the year. If not, well you’re on your own. {just kidding, you can make your own template and follow along} December is the perfect time to go back to those big goals you made 11 months ago and see what you’ve got left to mark off that list. Some may be old news if you haven’t looked in a while. Others may be completed. Some may need some scaling adjustments. Some may need to be completely erased as irrelevant. Regardless if you have 1, 5, or 10 goals you want to accomplish it’s possible to start here and go after them!
My Personal Plan of Action:
At the beginning of the year, I will be honest and say I was in ‘survival mode’. Goals weren’t my “thing” and I was more of a yay it worked out or , damn it it didn’t! I didn’t really put much intention or thought into how my actions could give me more yay moments and less of the damn it moments. I was on ‘auto-pilot’ just hoping for the best. Guess what? That wasn’t working for me. It hadn’t worked for me in the past 37 years and it wasn’t going to start working for me anytime soon. So I made a change. In June, I decided to become more intentional with my day to day actions and began setting small, attainable goals that I could reach. Slowly I began to challenge myself to reach greater heights and chase my dreams. Thankfully, over the last 6 months my life has nearly done a 180• from where I was starting out the year. The person I can thank for that? Myself. Ultimately, you are the only person in control of your actions, attitude and aspirations. {Having positive influences and people supporting you is definitely a bonus!}
In July, I made my goals for the remainder of the year. 6 months after those around me. {Fashionably late, per usual} You can actually look at that first goal getter challenge I set out on here: Wellness Challenge: July 21 Days to Positivity I never thought that this one month would change everything I did from that day forward. It did. It changed my life. The goals I started with are still relevant to how I now live day to day. My threefold would probably tell you how boring it is to ride with me in a car since I’ve traded in my music most days for motivational You Tube compilations and TedX Talks! Something I would’ve thought laughable in years past. Or how I meditate and force them to meditate with me sometimes. Even how I fully believe in the power of visualization and manifesting your best life. Yep, I’m not going to lie, I’ve gotten pretty encompassed in all the ways to get my goal getter get up and go…well going.
My list in July was extensive. Four handwritten pages of goals kind of extensive with all the things I hoped to accomplish the remainder of the year. My success set up to become a happier and better me. I broke them up into these categories:
Attitude
Creativity
Career
Family
Romantic
Health
Financial
Personal/Self-Care
Out of four pages of goals here is the list that I have yet to accomplish:
Attitude – 5/5 Goals Achieved
Creativity – 5/6 Goals Achieved
Monetize my blog/social media
Career – 11/12 Goals Achieved
Get rewarded financially for performance
Family – 6/8 Goals Achieved
Quality time spent with my threefold
Schedule a family night event twice per month
Romantic – 3/6 Goals Achieved
Spend quality time with ‘E’
Overthinking/Assuming
Holding Grudges
Health -3/4 Goals Achieved
Quit Smoking
Financial – 1/4 Goals Achieved
Budget
Save
Donate
Personal/Self Care- 9/10 Goals Achieved
Free myself from my past guilt and move forward into the future.
If my math is right this shows I had 55 goals I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year. So far I’ve accomplished 40 of those. Not too shabby for a girl who didn’t even have a plan last January! However, this leaves me with 15 that I want to see through to completion by 12/31/21. I’m exhausted already! No. I’m not, I’m pumped! I’m a goal getter! I’ve got this! So now it’s time for the plan. Time to break these goals down into chunks of doable and actionable pieces that will see me to the finish line!
I can mark the one off my list for creativity. Today I launched my first download for the Goal Getter Workbook! This is my first real money driven effort for my blog! Profitable or not, it’s an achievement and an amazing way to kick off my month! The next is not totally in my hands, but I’m looking forward to a raise in the coming weeks at work for all the bad-assery I’ve displayed this year! So that will be something I can check off my list this month too! As for the Family goals – I have a couple things in the works planned for my threefold and I to have some QT as soon as we get over this Corona Virus infestation that has kept us cooped up in quarantineville for the past week. I also think I can knock out my romantic goal of some quality time with ‘E’ that isn’t just Covid cuddleupits while cat napping watching crime documentaries, although that has been a highlight of quarantine! The deeper of those 3 goals are resentments, grudges, overthinking and assumptions. This is something that will take constant effort and mindfulness on my part. My anxiety tends to lean towards catastrophizing even the smallest disagreements and distorts them into these out of proportion reactions. I have come a long way with this but I know that improvements can be made and I will definitely work to stay mindful of rational and irrational thoughts. The dreaded ‘quit smoking’ this isn’t something I have wanted to do. That’s just plain honest. It’s my vice. My coping mechanism. My reward. My appetite suppressant. My stress reliever. BUT as much as it’s been my crutch for the past 15 years {yes 15 years} it’s time to pack it up. I went three days without a cigarette while sick with the ‘rona. The longest time I’ve not smoked in 10 years. Sure, I could’ve said ‘haste la vista’ then but I wasn’t mentally prepared to say my farewells. My mind wasn’t in it. I’m there now. That first cigarette after 3 days tasted like burnt coffee creamer, stale crackers and old mints. I’m over it. If I can thank Covid for anything it will be that it may have ruined my love for the taste of a menthol cigarette forever. I haven’t openly put out there that I’m a smoker, but now that it’s here in black and white I can’t deny it. If I can end this year as a non-smoker then I will be so proud of myself. I’ve tried before and failed, but I haven’t had a blog post to hold me to it. Here’s to that! Financial goals are tricky for me, especially this month with Christmas being my holiday. I love getting the gifts for my threefold and watching their faces as they light up with excitement. This year has been a struggle financially in general due to all of the unforeseen medical expenses and bills, divorce, new home, lost time at work and general life maintenance. I am resourceful if nothing else, and stubborn so I have those two things on my side. It’s best to finish strong. I’ll put my $5.00/day that I would purchase my cigarettes with into an account for some rainy day savings to start. I’ll make a budget and formulate a doable plan to stick to. For donations, we will find a way to give to those less fortunate by way of volunteering time at a local charity. That final one in personal/self-care is tricky. I am working on manifesting my desired result in finally settling a peaceful resolution and tie up the loose ends of my past. I am also working through my feelings in therapy and finding ways I can let go of my resentment and hurt from my past, along with my personal guilt. I will continue to do both. In addition I will work on not giving my energy, positive or negative, to my past. I will allow whatever feelings and thoughts to surface and rise but not allow it to dwell in my headspace or overpower my reactions. I will acknowledge and dismiss. No lingering. That’s tough, but it will be awesome to see how much more positivity can grow when it isn’t being stomped out by the negative weight of the past. And that’s a wrap! That’s it, folks! That’s my plan of action for December! I hope you have downloaded My Goal Getter Workbook and choose to end your year with as much hope and positivity as you started it with! ☮️❤️😊~M
Heyyyy! So I’m back with the November recap review! For those wondering I think I might be on the upswing from my bout with Corona. I’m feeling almost human. It’s been about 7 days since I started showing symptoms and I think I might be past the worst of it! {crossing fingers} Anywho…this is about the November recap! Did you review your month? I hope so! It always helps me to reflect back on the previous month before setting new goals for the month ahead. So this is my extended version of my recap for November. Enjoy!
November Recap: Personal Review
Overall this month I felt:
More in control
More energized
Happier/more even
My highlights for November were:
My gratitude journal
Doing the ‘100 Happy Days’ challenge with my family.
My schedule becoming more predictable
Safety plan revision that allowed for some one on one time with ‘E’
How can I improve next month?
Create a budget and stick to it!
Lower expectations of self and others
Ask for help
Forgive and reset mood quicker
Be more patient with self and others
What lessons did I learn in November?
There is always something to be thankful for, every day!
Happiness is a choice!
I deserve an amazing life
The only thing that stands between reaching my dreams is me.
I can say no.
What goals did I want to achieve in November?
Start a gratitude journal
Give the benefit of the doubt
Find the good in all situations
Spend quality time with my threefold and ‘E’
Meditate daily
Manifest daily
Did I reach my goals?
Yes! I did reach my goals! I could’ve done better with quality time and giving the benefit of the doubt. I think I let my overthinking get in the way of giving the benefit of the doubt. As far as quality time I think I was more ‘me’ focused this month.
What was I most thankful for in November?
My gratitude journal had one word every day with our fail- family.
My challenges this month:
Overcoming overthinking
Mood reset
Budget/money management
Letting go of past hurt and grudges
My strengths this month:
My resourcefulness
My stubborn determination
My attitude
My work ethic
This month I am most proud of:
My family. I am most proud of my family and how far we have come over the past year. We didn’t just survive, we changed, adapted, grew, healed and thrived. I am so proud of our strength, our tenacity, our flexibility, and how we all came together. My threefold inspires me!
And that’s that! November is a wrap y’all! I hope you had an amazing November and now it’s time to finish this year strong! December has 31 days full of clean slates and fresh opportunities for you to achieve your goals! You’ve got this! Be a goal getter and set your intentions and your goals for the month of December! Stay positive! You are amazing! ☮️❤️😊~M
