Posted on Leave a comment

Goal Getter: December

I’m mixing things up a bit this month and setting the bar high! December is the final month of 2021 and that leaves exactly 31 days to finish up this year and I plan to finish STRONG! I am excited about planning this month’s goals and I’m excited about closing out this final month of 2021 with a BANG! The momentum and excitement for this month is all leading up to the amazing year I will have in 2022! I’m ready for that new chapter, but before I start planning the new year I need to wrap up this year with my December Goal Getter plan of action. Are you with me? Hell yeah!

First things first! Download my Goal Getter Workbook to create your own plan of action for the month!

December is a time where we usually get wrapped up {no pun intended} in the hustle bustle of the holidays and forego all goals, agendas and anything that we had set our sights on. I believe that it should be the opposite. This should should be when we are amped up the most to achieve those goals we set 11 months prior, because when we reach them we can have that feeling of accomplishment and the satisfaction that comes with seeing a goal to completion. I really don’t know a much better feeling than the feeling of setting a goal and reaching it! It’s a feeling of self satisfaction and contentment. It’s pride, confidence, hope, and accomplishment that comes together making you see yourself as the ultimate bad ass you are. What better way to end this year than to end it with that?

If you chose to download the workbook, AWESOME! That workbook will be handy to use throughout the year. If not, well you’re on your own. {just kidding, you can make your own template and follow along} December is the perfect time to go back to those big goals you made 11 months ago and see what you’ve got left to mark off that list. Some may be old news if you haven’t looked in a while. Others may be completed. Some may need some scaling adjustments. Some may need to be completely erased as irrelevant. Regardless if you have 1, 5, or 10 goals you want to accomplish it’s possible to start here and go after them!

My Personal Plan of Action:

At the beginning of the year, I will be honest and say I was in ‘survival mode’. Goals weren’t my “thing” and I was more of a yay it worked out or , damn it it didn’t! I didn’t really put much intention or thought into how my actions could give me more yay moments and less of the damn it moments. I was on ‘auto-pilot’ just hoping for the best. Guess what? That wasn’t working for me. It hadn’t worked for me in the past 37 years and it wasn’t going to start working for me anytime soon. So I made a change. In June, I decided to become more intentional with my day to day actions and began setting small, attainable goals that I could reach. Slowly I began to challenge myself to reach greater heights and chase my dreams. Thankfully, over the last 6 months my life has nearly done a 180• from where I was starting out the year. The person I can thank for that? Myself. Ultimately, you are the only person in control of your actions, attitude and aspirations. {Having positive influences and people supporting you is definitely a bonus!}

In July, I made my goals for the remainder of the year. 6 months after those around me. {Fashionably late, per usual} You can actually look at that first goal getter challenge I set out on here: Wellness Challenge: July 21 Days to Positivity I never thought that this one month would change everything I did from that day forward. It did. It changed my life. The goals I started with are still relevant to how I now live day to day. My threefold would probably tell you how boring it is to ride with me in a car since I’ve traded in my music most days for motivational You Tube compilations and TedX Talks! Something I would’ve thought laughable in years past. Or how I meditate and force them to meditate with me sometimes. Even how I fully believe in the power of visualization and manifesting your best life. Yep, I’m not going to lie, I’ve gotten pretty encompassed in all the ways to get my goal getter get up and go…well going.

My list in July was extensive. Four handwritten pages of goals kind of extensive with all the things I hoped to accomplish the remainder of the year. My success set up to become a happier and better me. I broke them up into these categories:

  • Attitude
  • Creativity
  • Career
  • Family
  • Romantic
  • Health
  • Financial
  • Personal/Self-Care

Out of four pages of goals here is the list that I have yet to accomplish:

  • Attitude – 5/5 Goals Achieved
  • Creativity – 5/6 Goals Achieved
    1. Monetize my blog/social media
  • Career – 11/12 Goals Achieved
    1. Get rewarded financially for performance
  • Family – 6/8 Goals Achieved
    1. Quality time spent with my threefold
    2. Schedule a family night event twice per month
  • Romantic – 3/6 Goals Achieved
    1. Spend quality time with ‘E’
    2. Overthinking/Assuming
    3. Holding Grudges
  • Health -3/4 Goals Achieved
    1. Quit Smoking
  • Financial – 1/4 Goals Achieved
    1. Budget
    2. Save
    3. Donate
  • Personal/Self Care- 9/10 Goals Achieved
    1. Free myself from my past guilt and move forward into the future.

If my math is right this shows I had 55 goals I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year. So far I’ve accomplished 40 of those. Not too shabby for a girl who didn’t even have a plan last January! However, this leaves me with 15 that I want to see through to completion by 12/31/21. I’m exhausted already! No. I’m not, I’m pumped! I’m a goal getter! I’ve got this! So now it’s time for the plan. Time to break these goals down into chunks of doable and actionable pieces that will see me to the finish line!

I can mark the one off my list for creativity. Today I launched my first download for the Goal Getter Workbook! This is my first real money driven effort for my blog! Profitable or not, it’s an achievement and an amazing way to kick off my month! The next is not totally in my hands, but I’m looking forward to a raise in the coming weeks at work for all the bad-assery I’ve displayed this year! So that will be something I can check off my list this month too! As for the Family goals – I have a couple things in the works planned for my threefold and I to have some QT as soon as we get over this Corona Virus infestation that has kept us cooped up in quarantineville for the past week. I also think I can knock out my romantic goal of some quality time with ‘E’ that isn’t just Covid cuddleupits while cat napping watching crime documentaries, although that has been a highlight of quarantine! The deeper of those 3 goals are resentments, grudges, overthinking and assumptions. This is something that will take constant effort and mindfulness on my part. My anxiety tends to lean towards catastrophizing even the smallest disagreements and distorts them into these out of proportion reactions. I have come a long way with this but I know that improvements can be made and I will definitely work to stay mindful of rational and irrational thoughts. The dreaded ‘quit smoking’ this isn’t something I have wanted to do. That’s just plain honest. It’s my vice. My coping mechanism. My reward. My appetite suppressant. My stress reliever. BUT as much as it’s been my crutch for the past 15 years {yes 15 years} it’s time to pack it up. I went three days without a cigarette while sick with the ‘rona. The longest time I’ve not smoked in 10 years. Sure, I could’ve said ‘haste la vista’ then but I wasn’t mentally prepared to say my farewells. My mind wasn’t in it. I’m there now. That first cigarette after 3 days tasted like burnt coffee creamer, stale crackers and old mints. I’m over it. If I can thank Covid for anything it will be that it may have ruined my love for the taste of a menthol cigarette forever. I haven’t openly put out there that I’m a smoker, but now that it’s here in black and white I can’t deny it. If I can end this year as a non-smoker then I will be so proud of myself. I’ve tried before and failed, but I haven’t had a blog post to hold me to it. Here’s to that! Financial goals are tricky for me, especially this month with Christmas being my holiday. I love getting the gifts for my threefold and watching their faces as they light up with excitement. This year has been a struggle financially in general due to all of the unforeseen medical expenses and bills, divorce, new home, lost time at work and general life maintenance. I am resourceful if nothing else, and stubborn so I have those two things on my side. It’s best to finish strong. I’ll put my $5.00/day that I would purchase my cigarettes with into an account for some rainy day savings to start. I’ll make a budget and formulate a doable plan to stick to. For donations, we will find a way to give to those less fortunate by way of volunteering time at a local charity. That final one in personal/self-care is tricky. I am working on manifesting my desired result in finally settling a peaceful resolution and tie up the loose ends of my past. I am also working through my feelings in therapy and finding ways I can let go of my resentment and hurt from my past, along with my personal guilt. I will continue to do both. In addition I will work on not giving my energy, positive or negative, to my past. I will allow whatever feelings and thoughts to surface and rise but not allow it to dwell in my headspace or overpower my reactions. I will acknowledge and dismiss. No lingering. That’s tough, but it will be awesome to see how much more positivity can grow when it isn’t being stomped out by the negative weight of the past. And that’s a wrap! That’s it, folks! That’s my plan of action for December! I hope you have downloaded My Goal Getter Workbook and choose to end your year with as much hope and positivity as you started it with! ☮️❤️😊~M

Posted on Leave a comment

Goal Getter: November Recap ~ Extended Version

Heyyyy! So I’m back with the November recap review! For those wondering I think I might be on the upswing from my bout with Corona. I’m feeling almost human. It’s been about 7 days since I started showing symptoms and I think I might be past the worst of it! {crossing fingers} Anywho…this is about the November recap! Did you review your month? I hope so! It always helps me to reflect back on the previous month before setting new goals for the month ahead. So this is my extended version of my recap for November. Enjoy!

November Recap: Personal Review

  • Overall this month I felt:
    1. More in control
    2. More energized
    3. Happier/more even
  • My highlights for November were:
    1. My gratitude journal
    2. Doing the ‘100 Happy Days’ challenge with my family.
    3. My schedule becoming more predictable
    4. Safety plan revision that allowed for some one on one time with ‘E’
  • How can I improve next month?
    1. Create a budget and stick to it!
    2. Lower expectations of self and others
    3. Ask for help
    4. Forgive and reset mood quicker
    5. Be more patient with self and others
  • What lessons did I learn in November?
    1. There is always something to be thankful for, every day!
    2. Happiness is a choice!
    3. I deserve an amazing life
    4. The only thing that stands between reaching my dreams is me.
    5. I can say no.
  • What goals did I want to achieve in November?
    1. Start a gratitude journal
    2. Give the benefit of the doubt
    3. Find the good in all situations
    4. Spend quality time with my threefold and ‘E’
    5. Meditate daily
    6. Manifest daily
  • Did I reach my goals?
    • Yes! I did reach my goals! I could’ve done better with quality time and giving the benefit of the doubt. I think I let my overthinking get in the way of giving the benefit of the doubt. As far as quality time I think I was more ‘me’ focused this month.
  • What was I most thankful for in November?
    1. My gratitude journal had one word every day with our fail- family.
  • My challenges this month:
    1. Overcoming overthinking
    2. Mood reset
    3. Budget/money management
    4. Letting go of past hurt and grudges
  • My strengths this month:
    1. My resourcefulness
    2. My stubborn determination
    3. My attitude
    4. My work ethic
  • This month I am most proud of:
    • My family. I am most proud of my family and how far we have come over the past year. We didn’t just survive, we changed, adapted, grew, healed and thrived. I am so proud of our strength, our tenacity, our flexibility, and how we all came together. My threefold inspires me!

And that’s that! November is a wrap y’all! I hope you had an amazing November and now it’s time to finish this year strong! December has 31 days full of clean slates and fresh opportunities for you to achieve your goals! You’ve got this! Be a goal getter and set your intentions and your goals for the month of December! Stay positive! You are amazing! ☮️❤️😊~M

Posted on 4 Comments

Quarantine Qualms

I have been working on being more positive lately and that has transferred over to a positive COVID-19 test. Yep, I’ve caught the VID. I am not thrilled about my 2 week staycation with my threefold who will undoubtedly be bored out of their mind, making messes galore, and incessantly complaining about how awful it is to be stuck in the house 24/7. Not to mention my mess that will be left for me when I return to work or the increases in grocery, electricity, internet usage and all the other bills! We are used to being nearly constantly on the run! No martial arts, no school, no friends, sleepovers, dates, or trips to the grocery store for the next 14 days. No work for mom or ‘E’ either. I have a feeling that we are all going to be ready to pull our hair out in about three days time. What will I do with myself? What will I do with them? Help!

I’m so glad we got our Christmas tree so that’s one thing we can do together. Those happiness challenges may be difficult if we can’t leave home, but we will at least have time to get creative about accomplishing them. We are having groceries delivered and hopefully I ordered enough food to sustain 5 bored humans for at least a few days. We can try some new recipes. Maybe we can get the house cleaned up and in order before Christmas comes. I will have time to write and create more. The kids can paint and draw. We might can actually sleep in a few days. We can have a Christmas movie marathon or binge watch a new tv show. We can decorate outside and hang the lights we said we wanted to hang. We can finally go through all the clothes, get caught up on the laundry, and make room for the stuff Santa brings us. Maybe, just maybe the universe is telling us to slow down, rest, and recharge. No appointments and no need for ‘time keeper Tammy’ to show her face over the next couple of weeks {2 is obsessed with being on time and has to have a plan and a schedule} I’m not sure how well any of us will do, but I’m trying be just as positive as my covid test about this whole situation.

The list is pretty daunting. It’s a pretty commendable list however, whether it anything is marked off is where the heroics will actually come in. A large list of things that we could do and ways to make this a not so unbearable and boring few weeks. With mental illness we all have to be proactive as to not isolate and trigger each other. As a mom, I will need to find my inner most saint like patience as I know how often it will be tested. I also know with bipolar disorder these medications I am being given {ie:steroids} could send me into a manic episode so I need to be cautious. ‘E’ will get his first taste of life stuck with four women, one being a whiny bitch because she is sick and I hate being sick {that’s me}, one who will be googling every symptom and becoming overly health conscious as she is a hypochondriac with anxiety {that’s #1 of threefold}, another bored to tears, hates sitting still, needs a plan for each day and still scared to not be busy because she has to sit with her feelings {that’s #2}, and then the one who has ADHD, is a mess-making, easily bored, and antagonistic when things are not how she wants {that’s #3}. I am thankful tgat we are all finished with our periods this month, honestly, someone up there is looking out for my guy! In addition, I know he is sick. It’s in his eyes, he is coughing, headache, achy and tired. Me too boo, me too. He won’t admit it. I’ve never seen him sick, but he can’t be worse than what I’ve seen some men act like {at least I hope!}

There would’ve been a time not long ago that this would’ve been “the end of the world”. I would’ve made myself more sick as I worried about the bills getting paid, how I would navigate my threefold, and I would’ve spent the next two weeks a moping, sobbing, sick and stressed out lump with no plan. That’s probably why I got it now instead of a year ago when it was the trendy virus to have. That’s me though, I shop at Ross, Marshall’s, TJ Max, and Good Will because I am perfectly content wearing last seasons fashions and save that money for other things. Why would Covid be any different? (I’m making light of me having this not attempting to be insensitive to the millions who have been gravely affected) I’m positive that I am going to be ok. I’m not 100%, tip top fighting shape but I’m pretty healthy overall {where it counts I think}. I just hope the kids stay well and that we can take advantage of the situation instead of making it worse on each other. That’s the goal for the next two weeks. Until I am released from house arrest I will try to quiet my quarantine qualms and turn this into QT quarantine with the fam. Stay positive! {not this positive but you know} and keep enjoying the journey! ☮️❤️😊~M

Posted on 5 Comments

Blessed by the Mess:

Last year I spent my first Thanksgiving without my threefold. I was so upset and felt empty. I tried keeping myself busy, I tried sleeping as much as I could and begged for ‘E’ {who I was dating} to stay with me, even though I knew he needed to go to pick up his own kiddo to spend turkey day with her. That afternoon was the worst time. I didn’t do anything {except wallow in my own feeling} and due to COVID-19 there were no family gatherings to distract me or give me some semblance of Thanksgiving. Thankfully {no pun intended} I had convinced ‘E’ that we, his midget included, should all go have dinner since his extended family all lived out of state and we both had to work the following day, and the VID had pretty much put a damper on life in general. We did. We laughed, had cheese sticks, brownies with ice cream, chicken tenders and fries and spent our first holiday together at an Applebee’s of all places. Then not wanting to go home to an empty bed we went to Walgreens and made fools of ourselves. It was memorable, and I’m so grateful that they made me feel better about my first holiday without my threefold. The following weekend all four kids {defcon four} ‘E’ and I had our first family outing all together where everyone seemed to get along and I was excited that maybe this could be something good. My threefold commented on ‘how happy I looked’ with ‘E’. A comment that still resonates with me when they say it today. I was happy. I am even happier now.

Last November, I was still on a 50/50 parenting schedule with my ex, navigating a rollercoaster divorce, and easily manipulated by my ex and the situation. I was freshly ‘single’ and trying my hand with someone new and putting my best face forward. I was still fairly new at work, but had recently really found my stride and my benefit to the team. I was parenting, but I wasn’t always present even while in the same room and definitely not near as accessible. I was in therapy beginning to work on resolving my past, but still was using old coping mechanisms that were unhealthy to get me through the hard days. I had panic attacks often and had grown accustomed to numbing out my emotions so I wouldn’t have to feel them. My anxiety was at an 8/10 most days and hadn’t gotten better even with the prescription medication, coping mechanisms and therapy. It wasn’t pretty, but I was still trying to make it appear nice and neat all put together and dressed our lives up for conversations and pictures.

Reality hit hard when, the Monday after Thanksgiving of 2020, #2 of my threefold was admitted to an acute inpatient psychiatric hospital for self harm and suicidal ideation for the first time. {this hospitalization marked the first of five we’ve had over the past 12 months} She was only 12. I didn’t understand. The Earth fell out from under my feet and I went into free fall. ‘E’ didn’t know me ‘like that’ and I tried with everything in me to get him to ‘take the out’ and just ‘walk away. no harm. no foul. no hard feelings’ I gave him every reason to leave. I told him we were too complicated, broken, difficult and too much over and over again. He refused even though I didn’t know why he would choose to stay with us through all of that. He did. He didn’t just stand by, he stepped up in ways I never thought possible and became the person who has helped carry us through this year, all of us. He got a lot of push back, misplaced anger, a lot of hard time, and had to be the ‘perky positivity peddler’ probably even when he didn’t want to be because we didn’t know how to love him the way that he was loving us. We didn’t get it then. I can’t even describe the gratitude and love my threefold and I have for him after this year now that we recognize that he chose us even when we gave him every reason to leave. He stayed. He loved us through the healing and loved us as we learned to love ourselves. He has earned his place in our hearts.

While #2 was still hospitalized I moved into our new home. The day we moved I can vividly recall the meeting with the case worker for abuse allegations against my ex. I covered for my ex that day along with my other two children as we stated ‘he isn’t abusive, that was in the past’. I will always regret allowing myself to be manipulated and intimidated enough to do that and for my other two girls who went against their sister to protect their dad, only following my example. This wouldn’t be the first or the last time I allowed the manipulation and intimidation my ex served us dictate my life decisions or the decisions that I made for my threefold. That week I was moving into my home my ex begged me to meet him and I was terrified to go. I went anyway because he said ‘it’s important’. I gained a large piece of myself and my strength back that night as he read the apology he had written apologizing for all that he had ever done to the girls and I. I stared at him and he stared back with tears in his eyes and told him ‘no, there was too much damage done to turn back now.’ The 15 years prior flashing in front of my eyes as I tried to rationalize my decision. I also had the previous few months of my life with ‘E’ and the hope of what the future could look like with him vs. how I felt that the future would look like with my ex running through my head. I am so thankful that even in the turmoil that I thought through it with rationality {I don’t usually display rational thought when stressed} and chose neither my ex or ‘E’. I chose my threefold and what I wanted for myself and for them. I continued my relationship with ‘E’. However, that day I knew it would always be my threefold before everyone and everything else, regardless what I wanted. It was the first decision that changed the trajectory of our lives.

This Thanksgiving looks so different from that Thanksgiving dinner at Applebee’s, that first ‘family’ outing with Defcon 4, ‘E’ and I, and the two weeks afterwards with #2’s hospitalization. I won’t be sharing the holidays this year. I don’t have to have conversations with my ex about anything other than an update on #3 every now and again. There are no more cover ups and a lot less fear. The manipulation is still attempted but I am quicker to recognize the behavior. Instead, this Thanksgiving we are celebrating all the things we have to be grateful for, together as a blended family. We mark the one year anniversary of moving into this house that we’ve made a home. Multiple college acceptance letters for #1 and good grades, plus lots of self improvement. The recovery of #2 being nearly 6 months free of self harm and successfully discharging from treatment 6 weeks ago. Martial arts, good grades, making friends and behavior improvement with #3. Drama club, honor roll and help with coping with anxiety for BK {bonus kid}. Everyone being back in school {in person NOT virtual}, adjusting and doing well. The many blessings we’ve had along the way from ‘go fund me’, to meals, & help with medical bills. That I have an amazing job where I could work and care for my threefold. I am grateful that I was promoted and received two raises this year and so did ‘E’ with a 3rd coming soon for him! The ability to gather with our family this year. And so much more! There are a lot of things that we do differently these days than we did before, but they are all in an effort of making us better.

I am so proud of us all. I am proud because even as we collectively faced the hardest year we have had to face thus far, both individually and as a family, we have come out on the other side closer, better, stronger and more positive than we ever were before. As I reflect on where we are now, I can’t help but think how different things were last year in comparison. How different I am. How different we all are. I don’t think that I ever could’ve imagined how tumultuous, life-changing, or the difficulties the last year brought to our family. I didn’t see any of it coming as I sat at that Applebee’s a year ago missing my threefold. As much hardship and heartbreak as we endured this year, I still can recognize how much good was inspired from the hard times we’ve experienced. We overcame every obstacle and challenge that came our way and persevered. We will continue to overcome our hurdles, together. We are still working through many things and rebuilding what was broken and finding the pieces from the broken parts of our past, but I am amazed at all the positive actions and steps that were taken despite the challenges we’ve faced. The good we have today definitely outweighs the bad we were up against last year. We found ourselves, we found each other, we grew closer, we learned lessons and found a way towards healing. We love bigger and appreciate more. We look for the message in every mess. I wouldn’t ask for the hardship and the struggle, but I am thankful that we have found the silver linings and found ways for us to grow and heal despite it all. We have been blessed beyond measure and those blessings continue to show up in our lives. Today I will recognize our strength and determination to keep fighting for our future. We have truly been blessed by our mess. Today I challenge you to have an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful! Love big! Show gratitude! There is always something to be grateful no matter the circumstances.

Happy Thanksgiving! ☮️❤️😊~M

Choose an amount

Or enter a custom amount

$