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The Over IT Over Haul…My Decision to Make 2023 For Me!

There is a song that plays incessantly on the radio. You’ve heard it either via TikTok, your own indulgence in pop music or because your children also control your play list when in the car. If not, then consider an upbeat tune that has a happy and fast pace beat. Once you’ve got that down, listen to the words. “Do you ever get a little bit tired of life? Like you’re not really happy but you don’t wanna die?” That’s the one. The song, entitled, “Numb Little Bug” by Em Beihold.

If it wasn’t a hypothetical question I would scream from the rooftops; “YES!” However, it is hypothetical, and no one actually cares when a mom says “I’m over it!

Honestly, that phrase is a daily mantra spoken at my house, and expletives can be added for a more realistic and dramatic impact where needed. I’ve decided, therefore, I’m in need of an over haul. Welcome to my over it over haul and my decision to make 2023 for ME!

Over What? Over IT!

I am so over “it”! Over what? All of it. The constant battle for balance. The incessant worry. My insecurity. Obsessing over money, kids, and work. I am exhausted. I have completely pushed myself to burn out. I am burnt out and ready to burn it down to the ground. It’s time for an overhaul. An over it over haul!

Imperfect and Inspired

I’m getting absolutely nowhere waiting for everything to stop being so difficult. I’m not perfect, but this “all or none” attitude I have adopted is hindering my ability to make the changes I need to and stick with them. If change is what needs to take place, then I’m where it has to take place.

I’m an old fan of the quote “BE the change you want to see…” A quote that came from an interpretation of Gandhi’s quote about being a mirror to the world.

Another inspirational quote that I use often to motivate me to be more present and positive is, “You can’t wait for life to not be hard anymore, before you decide to be happy!” Which is a quote from Jane Marczewski. In addition, it is one that reminds me of my brother, as he introduced me to this quote amidst some an extremely difficult time for me.

You may remember a previous post I wrote back in 2021. It was entitled Journey to Positivity. My other creation was my Goal Getter Guide, in which I shared how I managed to reach my goals despite the challenging circumstances that were complicating my daily life.

Overhaul Objectives

The previous posts I have written and the steps I took prior to this point are all relevant to this process. They were designed to help me level up and guide me through my journey. They served me well. This overhaul is designed to help rediscover that path. I am looking to realign with my desires. I am looking for opportunities, risks, and actions I need to take in order to make forward progress towards catching my dreams; not just chasing them.

Now, I am giving the objectives I plan to accomplish with this overhaul. I’ll say that healing and self growth are an evolving process. I am constantly thinking of ways I can better myself as a person, be more content, and how I can keep momentum in my self-awareness journey. There is no “quick fix,” and life doesn’t come with an “easy” button.

Objectives

  • Realign with my purpose, goals, and desires.
  • Find a routine/schedule that is prioritizing my needs and allowing balance in all aspects of my life.
    • Selfcare
    • Family
    • Marriage
    • Hobbies
  • Set and achieve goals that are important for my continued success.
  • Create more opportunities for my future and the future of my family.
  • Communicate with an openess to receive criticism, improve, and to grow.
  • Continued healing and mental health improvement
  • Finding peace of mind, contentment, and positivity by silencing the inner critic.
  • Create solutions to the problems that weigh on me that are in my control.
  • Learn to better control my emotions, my reactions, and my assumptions.

Forward Trajectory

In short, I am capable of making changes to reach my desired destination. I am stubborn. I am competitive, and I am driven to be the best version of myself for myself and also for those around me. I am particularly passionate about my self growth and healing journey. I will accomplish my goals. I am deserving of more than what I give to myself. I am in control of my narrative, my attitude, my actions, and reactions. I am ultimately responsible for overhauling any behavior that is not aligned with my desired path.

Now I plan. I will let you know how I propose to meet these objectives and reignite my passion without burning out. It’s time to say “I’m in it” and not “I’m over it.” Therefore, I’m ready for this overhaul. I wish you all the peace, love, and happiness in your journey! Check in on Facebook for my daily updates on the over it overhaul. As always, me and you, we’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊 ~M

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Tending to the Toxic Ties

Can we discuss how hard it is to try and be the “bigger person”? I’m exhausted by it. I don’t want to mind my p’s and q’s all the time in fear of rocking the boat. Sometimes I’m ready to turn the whole damn thing over and sink that ship! I have to remind myself repeatedly that sinking someone else’s ship will most likely mean I’m going to destroy mine too. How do we overcome the idea of “rising above” and steer our ship without it being under fire by those around us?

Some would say that’s an easy task. They say we should just eliminate the people we are constantly having to walk on eggshells for. If you don’t want to be a doormat and have other’s take advantage, don’t invite them to your front door. This is an obvious solution. You cut them off and move on with your life. Wipe your hands clean. Done and done. k. Thanks, byeeeee! What do we do when it’s not that easy and the toxic tie can’t be cut?

Ok, time to cut the metaphorical bullshit and get to the point past the ships and the shells. There are plenty of times we want nothing more than to not have to deal with someone, but we have no other choice. Maybe it’s a boss, a colleague, a PTO president, a family member, an ex, or a customer. Whoever the toxic ties are in our lives, the chances we can cut off those ties without major consequences to ourselves is highly unlikely. How do we handle these people without feeling like we are just pushovers?

My personal toxic tie will be the cliche example to give, but also one of the most complicated of the listed examples given. The ex. Some exes are not even a blip in our day to day life. Mine, made himself a damn fixture. My threefold requires me to have a piece of my life {my biggest piece} entangled with his life. I still have to hold to that ‘bigger person’ standard against a man who is over a foot taller than me and at least twice my size overall.

Sometimes he is intolerable and he seems to make everything more difficult than it has to be. My stress level is only amplified when I am forced to be around or interact with him for any amount of time. Whether it be a text, phone call, pick up or drop off, he is always triggering my fight or flight response.

My number one piece of advice that I would tell anyone that is in a situation like mine, or has any toxic tie-in that can’t be cut, would be to stand firm in your truth. If you know that your truth is yours and truly believe it, stand behind it. They will lie, manipulate and bully you. Stay firm in your truth anyways. They will never come to see your side of things. There will always be another excuse or reason that it happened. Even when the proof is on your side the toxic tie will find any excuse and come up with lies to try and debunk your truth. Stand firm anyway. Don’t trust them.

My second piece of advice would be to create and maintain boundaries. If you give an inch, they take an acre. Don’t budge on your boundaries. You decided it was important to set them for a reason. Back them up with your truth and your why. Anytime the toxic tie attempts to push them simply reaffirm those boundaries and your reason for creating them. These boundaries will be your strength and your armor that protects your truth. Do not give them the opportunity to kink your armor. Don’t let your guard down.

Finally, I would say limit contact as much as possible. Become the most uninteresting and uninterested person you can conjure up. The shorter and blander the response the better. The toxic tie will try to bait you and trigger your reaction. They will try to pull you into their toxic circle and your reaction feeds their desire to see if they can get you to come down to their level. It’s a trap. The toxic tie is a master manipulator. They will twist everything and deflect as much as they can. They refuse to be accountable. Don’t give them the satisfaction of your reaction. Respond thoughtfully, don’t react emotionally.

It’s important to note that ANY information you divulge will be used against you. ANY cards you play at any moment they will find a way to manipulate to fit their own narrative. They intend to cover their ass and attempt to shatter that truth card you let loose. It is tempting to tell them you’ve caught them red handed, but in true toxic form they will twist the truth to make it seem as if they have a logical explanation for your assumed indiscretion. Wait until the deck is stacked in your favor and they are forced to be accountable. That’s when you’ll see the real truth. When you can call their bluff and expose the lies beneath without giving them time to cover their ass.

As an add on to your communication I would say any form of text or email communication is better than in person or phone conversations with the toxic tie in. If you are forced to be in the same vicinity, stay away and stay quiet. Don’t engage with them beyond the expected civil formalities. It is always harder to maintain a calm composure when you are forced to immediately respond. With text and email you can form your response, reread it, and edit it if necessary all before pressing send. Remember to respond as if you are uninterested and if elaborate details are required then try to keep it very brief. Don’t react in response to attacks.

Personally I silence my exes notifications. That way if he is on a tear and wanting to fight I don’t have to hear the notification every couple of minutes. It honestly made such a difference in my ability to keep my energy clear of his negative and toxic behavior and words. He can wait until I have time to answer. He is no longer on my priority list. My exception is only my children are in his care.

When all else fails, remember why you are dealing with this behavior at all. If it’s like me,where children are involved or your livelihood is at stake, then find your best ways to cope and keep the distance as much as possible. If it’s for a futile reason, weigh your pro’s and con’s. Is it worth your mental health and energy being affected? If so,try my steps. If not, cut the toxic tie and live a better life. As always, stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M