Today is #1’s 18th birthday. It’s been a weekend full of partying, celebrating and more reality checks than I wanted to face. Today, my oldest is legally an adult {ish} heavy on the ish. When they say time flies and in a blink of an eye they grow up, it’s true. I barely remember sleepless nights anymore, but it still seems like it wasn’t 18 years ago that this tiny, red headed child was coming into the world. It’s crazy how fast it went by, and even though it’s not like it’s over it’s like grieving a loss. She isn’t a child, she’s an adult, a grown woman capable of making decisions that could change her life. I’m just a bystander, an onlooker, and a resource that she can choose to listen to…or not. That’s scary as hell!
I’m confident that she has been raised to know herself and her path. I’m proud of her for a million reasons. I’m not worried about her, I’m worried about the world around her. She is loving, giving, accepting, inclusive and people pleasing. People take advantage of the nice ones sometimes. They walk on people like #1 then call them naive for seeing the best in people. She is scared to let others see her as someone who has an opinion. She is hard on herself and she thinks perfection is an attainable goal. #1 hates conflict and doesn’t want to disappoint others. Her inner voice is very much her biggest obstacle. I believe in her, but now she has to believe in herself.
My girl, is a strong person who has overcome challenges. She doesn’t see that side of her. She has had trauma, but still has a bright light that she shines on those around her. So much has been stolen from #1, but still she gives without hesitation. She is full of love and a genuine sweetness. That innocence and faith of a child that has never been hurt, but she has been hurt. That amazes me. She hasn’t allowed that past hurt to make her cynical or bitter. She is warm and endearing. She chooses her attitude. She isn’t perfect, and never will be, but I want her to be her. Regardless of who that is I will love her unconditionally.
I’m sad and happy today. I’m sad to know my baby, the first of my threefold has officially graduated into adulthood. I’m happy because I know this means she is going to embark on the adventure she chooses for herself. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. Her light will guide her on this path forward into her future. Mommin’ ain’t easy, but I have to pay myself on the back today too and say I’ve reached a milestone as well. I’m the mom of an adult {ish}. One down, two to go! Stay positive! I’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
Normally I’d have some inspirational post to start off the month. It would be part of my ‘Goal Getters’ series. It would mention all the goals I made and how I reached each one. I would give little hints to how you can also accomplish your goals with a ‘Goal Getter’ mindset like mine. It would be a fluff piece, full of positivity. It would have promised that with a few changes you can live the life you’ve been dreaming of and you can be the person you aspire to be. It would be inspirational.
THIS is NOT that piece. I’ve warned you. I have no inspirational tales of how I accomplished my goals and manifested my dream life during the month of January. I have no motivational speeches where I spit all the shit you should’ve done and shouldn’t have done. My positivity push was completely flushed down the drain when the new year began. I’m not sure why I had such a rocky start. I’m not sure where my ‘Goal Getter’ attitude and my motivational mantras went. I guess I left them in 2021 with everything else I learned last year. I know my negativity is not needed in your world either, but I promised to keep it real and this is as real as it gets. Real talk.
I had high hopes and high expectations for 2022. It was going to be the year everything started falling into place. It was supposed to be the year that I took the lessons from 2020 and 2021 and found my purpose. My plan was big, but is it too big? Maybe I still have a lot to learn if I’m going to give up on my dreams and my goals after 30 days. Who the hell am I? That’s not the girl with the grit and grind goal getter attitude. I’m NOT a quitter. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a quitter. What the hell is happening?
I wrote three pieces, THREE, about my funked up attitude. I was aware that I was not on the right path to achieve my goals. I wrote eleven pieces in January. Seven blog posts of the eleven were not positive entries. The others could be positive, but mainly focused more on the past. I posted on Facebook for my page ‘My Threefold’ more than 30 times in January. Most were snarky posts I made about mom-life and men. They did well when it came to getting likes. They had a lot of humor, sarcasm and relatable anecdotes, but they were mainly negative.
So here we are. A month into the new year and I’m pissed off. I’ve failed miserably at making this year the year I found my peace of mind and my happy ending. I’ve been patient. I’ve been positive {mostly} for a whole year. I’ve made the right decisions and done my best even when I was at my worst. Yet here I am, still. Searching for the lesson in all this stressing! I feel, defeated. I feel, cheated. I feel most of all like maybe I’m not ever going to get to the good part. I feel like something is missing. What have I missed? Why do I feel like this?
After a long time of self reflection and trying to find the missing piece I was still none the wiser. I know I’m impatient. I know I have been asking for a lot over the past year. I’ve received a lot, so I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I just need to know what gives? What do I need to do to make this year THE year? What more do I have to do to prove that I’m a good person who deserves to get to the good part? When do I get back some of what I’ve lost and get to live out my happily ever after fantasy? When? I’m asking with all the faith I have left!
I was sulking and pouting about life. I was mad at the world for not working with me. I was sitting in the cold, in my truck alone, feeling sorry for myself away from the eyes of my family and the ‘calm down’ that I would receive as a well meaning reply from ‘E’. I didn’t want or need him to tell me ‘it will all work out in time.’ No, I wanted my happiness now.I deserve it. That’s when I found it. The answer. The missing piece. Alone in my truck. With no one to blame for not realizing it but myself. It was obvious. Too simple.
What was I not doing? I realized I had been too busy worrying about what hadn’t happened. I was constantly waiting for the next thing to fall into place. I was setting all of these goals. I was even accomplishing many of them, but I was quickly moving to the next one. ‘What now? What next?’ I was doing everything I was supposed to do and I was getting everything I wanted. I was working for all of it. That is all true. I was going through all the motions, but I wasn’t allowing myself to feel the emotions. I wasn’t celebrating my accomplishments. I wasn’t looking at all the good that came with my accomplishments. I just went straight into my next challenge. I couldn’t see all the good that is right here, right now. I was too busy searching and waiting for the next thing to give me that quick fix of happiness. The truth is I wasn’t enjoying what I do have.
I’m not going to have it all at once. Hard happens even when we feel like we are doing everything right. Good happens even when we don’t see it. I don’t want to be so caught up in the grit and grind of goal getting that I forget the good that is happening all around me. So I’m skipping my ‘Goal Getter’ post for February. I will never stop working to be better, but I will start enjoying the person I am right now and the person I am becoming. I will celebrate my successes. I will be humble with a hint of Kanye about how there may not be an I in awesome, but there is me! I will choose to be happy with everything I have now and stop waiting for the good part. The good part is happening, and I’m too focused on the future to enjoy the present. That’s my new goal for 2022. When I accomplish that, I will have the year I set out to have. Stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
It’s been about a week since I posted about the funk I had been in for what felt like a couple of weeks. I was over it. I was so irritated and easily triggered even I was getting on my nerves! I sat down trying to figure out why. Once I started pinpointing my issues I knew I had to find a way to debunk that funk! My attitude is my choice.
I said I would share my methods and here I am. Defunkifying myself wasn’t as easy as I had hoped, but I pushed through and found away to get the funk away. I felt like outside factors were the source. The truth is, however, that I was responsible for my response to those outside factors. I was allowing myself to get wrapped up in the negative aspects of every facet of my life.
I decided Sunday it was time I fight off the funk before it funked up my progress. I did NOTHING on Sunday. It sound like it’s easy, but it’s not, especially with my threefold and what a difficult time I have had just relaxing. I didn’t feel guilty, for the most part. Ok, I really did feel guilty for it, but I pushed past that. I laid around in fuzzy pants and wore house slippers all day. I said no multiple times and held my ground with my Sunday none day. I needed to recharge and relax before the week ahead.
Sunday, I set my goals for the week. I sat down and got intentional with my plan. I couldn’t just leave the week to chance. I needed to decide what I wanted so I had a clear cut path to get those things. I’ve found this is always is my best course of action. I despise making promises to myself and breaking them.
With my goals in mind I forged through the week with determination to not be a negative Nancy. I was going to be better. Go through each day as if I was trying to beat the prior day. Quit complaining and start doing something to change the things that were throwing my energy out of whack. Mindless complaining and irritation wasn’t serving me or making anything better. In fact, it was making it worse, because I was focusing my thoughts on the bad stuff and the things I wasn’t happy about. Instead of continuing to just wait for the circumstances to change, I needed to figure out what I could do to change them now, not later.
Time Management
My threefold
Work
Relationship
Money
Divorce
These areas are what I needed to take action on if my mood was going to change. So I got to work on what was bothering me and how I could make improvements in these areas to better serve myself. It was all about finding where I would be able to change the circumstances that were throwing off my energy surrounding these topics. I got to work.
Time Management: This one is still such a nightmare for me. Maybe it’s ADHD that makes me so unconcerned with time. 15 minutes late is an accomplishment for me in nearly every situation. It’s considered a known fact at work, I will be late or on ‘M Time’ as we jokingly call it. I did however become more mindful this week of the time. I did my best to make sure I was on time(ish) and be less anxious around my time restraints.
My Threefold: This one is a big source of stress right now. It seems like with three kids one is always out of whack. I just wish they could all be good simultaneously! I’ve been struggling with the youngest (#3). This week it all blew up on Monday. After a ‘I hate you’ and some other choice words from #3, I could’ve totally gone ballistic. I could’ve let my whole week go straight to shit, but I mommed that situation so well. {In my not so humble opinion} I’ve held to my disciplinary actions and stayed consistent with reward and punishment. By Wednesday, I started seeing the improvements I needed to in her. Today, we are on a four day good behavior streak. That’s something we haven’t seen around here in a while!
Work: I’m a workaholic. That’s not something I say lightly. I know, it’s not always a beneficial habit to feel compelled to work in order to feel accomplished and reduce my anxiety surrounding my need to feel like I’m a beneficial part of a team. It definitely spills over into my home life.
At work, I’m an overachiever. I feel like I have to be the best. Seeing my name at #2 in sales makes me cringe. Not being on the top 10 nationwide makes me feel like I’m not doing it right. Bad reviews, I take them personally and careless mistakes will make me mad for days. Yep, I’m a one-upper Olivia at work. In the words of Ricky Bobby ‘if ya ain’t first, your last.’ Monday is M-day. It’s my day off every week. There are many weeks I find myself smack dab behind my desk catching up on my work. Not this week though. I took off, for real. No emails, no business calls, and only a couple texts to answer the questions from my coworkers about pressing issues. The rest of the week I did my thing. At night I turned it off, as much as I was itching to open my emails, I resisted. It’s difficult for me, but I see that I’m less stressed and anxious about work at home if I’m not working.
My relationship: Well I love ‘E’ and I’m explicit about that fact. It’s not always easy and I’m definitely a handful. I overthink and can be quite the sensitive sally at times. I can go from a good time to an emotional mess in less time it takes to cook cheese sticks in an air fryer. {I do love my air fryer!} Sometimes I need to fact check my thoughts, because I’m quick to assume and not as quick to ask for clarification. No fighting this week or silly arguments that I blow out of proportion. I was needing a no argument week. Most of those arguments start because I assume and let my head overwhelm me with untrue assumptions.
Money: Not fixed, but I did file my taxes! So here’s to expecting refund and praying the IRS isn’t backlogged. I’m hoping I got in on the first round before everyone and their momma starts their filing. Praying for no whammies and big money!
The impending trial for the finalization of all the terms my ex and I haven’t agreed up {which is everything} is less than a few weeks away. I’m anxious, but it’s not because I think I’ll lose. I’m anxious to have to speak the truth in open court. I have to do all of this crap I don’t feel like I should. I get less than $75 per month per child in child support. Do the math! I have them all but 4 days per month. I carry their insurance and his. Then he goes and buys this $30k Harley!!! I was pissed! I am over her scrapping and going on a thrift shop treasure hunt to find halfway decent hand me downs for growing kids. He is over there blowing every dollar he has. I was livid.
I realized, besides court delays from Covid, his intentional dragging out the process has been to spite me. He wants me to fail. He wants me to be miserable. It’s the only hand he has left to play. The deck is stacked in my favor. That is what pisses him off. Yet, I let his manipulative behavior and his downright rude attitude to do exactly what he wants. I try not to show it, and definitely not with my threefold, but with others when I speak of it, you can hear the downright contempt in my voice.
This week I told him some hard truths. I was matter of fact and it made me feel better. I spoke to my lawyer and formulated a plan. I spoke with others I needed to in the process and handled my side of things. I still have a bit to do, but all in all, I feel better knowing that I’m in control over my reaction and he can’t have the satisfaction of my failure or misery.
Now, I keep going. Setting goals and intentions. I keep noticing my feelings and what is causing them. I keep working to do better, everyday. It’s not ever going to be perfect. There will always be ups and downs in life. When I’m in that down pattern it’s important that I recognize why so I can fix it before it becomes more. Staying positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
How many times have I said I don’t have the time? I don’t have time for myself, I don’t have time to clean, I don’t have time…fill in the blank. I put the PRO in procrastination, because I’m a damn professional when it comes to putting it off until the last minute. I have always been this way. I don’t know why either. I know I have anxiety. I know it’s going to increase that anxiety threefold and make me irritable. Why do I do that to myself? How the hell do I fix it?
I’ve been in a funk all week. I’ve been as busy as gets at work. I’m drained of all niceties by the time I get home at 6:30pm. My ‘me time’ for meditation has doubled this week in response, yet within minutes I’m back to square one with my attitude. Funky and foul. I go into the day with good intentions and bam something happens {a mild inconvenience or an assumed backhand comment} I’m immediately spiraling into negativity and irritation. What gives? I’m taking my meds. The kids are healthy and stabile {for the most part} The bills are paid. The sex life is stellar. I’m doing my positivity push. I’m just not sure.
What the hell is wrong? Why am I ready to throw down and so on edge? I’ve been just a mess of up and down all week. THAT is pissing me off as much as anything else. I can’t even seem to find my focus. I sat down and did a spreadsheet today, but I hated every mindless second. I went and began a paragraph of three different blog posts, yet a week later and nothing has been published. I haven’t even been on social media {other than the family group chat with the kids and my make you gag conversations with ‘E’} I’ve barely cleaned and I haven’t cooked. I started an interesting book I haven’t finished. I even started my own first chapter and stopped. I am at a standstill with my personal life as my professional life continues to go at full speed.
I’m burning myself out at work. I love my job, but the list of to do’s grows longer each day. I’m beginning to beg to lock myself away there just to catch up. I find myself calling customers on lunch and responding to emails at night. I even talk about work at home as ‘E’ and I work at the same company. He left town this week {short trip} and came home to an empty house for the first time without the normal enthusiastic greeting of #2 who usually tracks his every move. I have an assignment for therapy I haven’t touched. I feel so unaccomplished in my personal life. Our real talk roundtable {family dinner} dwindled down to two nights this week. I’m just not myself. Where am I?
I’m not depressed or manic. I’m just blah. Maybe it’s the season? Maybe it’s the looming court date that I feel unprepared for? Maybe it’s the increased arguments at home? Maybe it’s the feeling like I am struggling too much financially to work as hard as I do? Maybe it’s my feelings that all that work is still not enough? Maybe it’s PMDD {hormones blow}
I know you make time for priorities. I know I have time. I know I’m going to be responsible for fixing whatever it is that’s bugging me. It’s not going to just disappear. I wish I liked peanuts, I’d almost be willing to try a snickers! Something has to give and I have to figure it out! I am impatient and I want to fix it NOW! It’s time to conjure a funk-free formula! Help a girl out y’all! How do you defunkify your energy? When you start the funk free fall when all else has failed? Trying to…Be Positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
Leave your tips in the comments! I would appreciate the assist! I need your best defunking devices and actionable advice! ❤️
I don’t know how I’ve survived the past 17 years of being a parent to three girls, my threefold. How have I managed to only have been in a psych ward that one time? {that had nothing to do with my kids, it was all my lovely mental illness making itself known} I’m not sure why it took me this long to find my sanity saving secrets. I wanted to share though, in case anyone else has found themselves losing their patience, becoming the snappy, irritable, on edge momster, or needed a sanity saving technique.
Thankfully I have a great medication regimen right now that is my real saving Grace, but not everyone requires medication. Everyone does require self care and some type of sanity saving solutions to manage stress. Stress, anxiety, overwhelm, burnout and worry are all part of life. Everyone experiences it, but if there is a way to manage it without having a meltdown, blowout fights, emotional breakdown or pulling out your hair then I’m down to give it a go. I’ll try anything twice, just in case the first time was a fluke or flounder.
When I can’t get out of a funk and nothing else is working I have found some helpful sanity savers that make it easier for me to maintain my composure. Don’t knock it til’ ya try it type solutions. It took a while for me to find the best methods for me. I went through a shit ton of unhelpful methods before I found my sanity saving solutions. What works for you could be found in some trial and error, and it’s worth the effort. It’s self care at its core. If you tell me you don’t have time, I will laugh at you. If I can find time even with my threefold, a full time job, umpteen appointments, a relationship, a blog, and everything else in between…so can you, pumpkin.
My Sanity Saving Solutions
MEDITATION!
MANIFESTATION
GRATITUDE JOURNAL
DAILY GOALS
I meditate 2-3 times per day, sometimes more. Sounds crazy and some people say it’s nonsense, but it works! Mindfulness and meditation is proven to be helpful for people who are stressed, overwhelmed or anxious. It improves patience, focus, positivity, calms your nervous system, and relaxes you. It is even recommended for chronic pain as a form of relief. It’s my go to when I’m overly stressed or irritated. Even my threefold now will ask me if I’ve meditated. I’m just more centered and focused.
I do my manifestation journaling or ‘scripting’ usually at least once per day. My morning madness usually has at least 10-15 minutes carved into it for my daily manifestation journal. I try to do this in my evening meditation also for my broader goals and aspirations. Some days I skip this, but I’ve found setting my intentions for the day in writing really keeps them top of mind and helps guide me through overcoming any obstacles. My daily goals are reached more easily and consistently when I manifest how my day will go. I’ve had amazing success with my evening manifest sessions as well. When I went back and looked through my manifest journal from 2021 and reviewed the goals I set I could clearly see where nearly everything I manifested I received.
The gratitude journal is what gives you the ‘attitude of gratitude’ it’s a cheesy saying, but it fits the bill. I’m rolling with it. You can’t be grateful and negative simultaneously. It’s impossible to be thankful for your blessings and be in a bad mood. This is why the gratitude journal is at the heart of my routine and is what forms the base of meditation as well as manifestation.
I use my gratitude journal to remind me of everything I have to be grateful for. I can usually consistently spout out about fifteen or so reasons I’m grateful each day. Some are simple, like caffeine. Others are more complex concepts, for example, my capabilities. I have noticed a shift in my mood when I am showing gratitude and when I write down what I’m grateful for not just have these occur in passing thoughts. It’s an intentional show of gratitude.
I make a list every night of the goals I want to accomplish the next day. They have three main focus areas: mood/attitude, work, and family. Those can be different for everyone. The intentional goals I set out to achieve each day are the action items that I am able to do each day to reach my larger goals for the month and year. It’s about the long game, but it is done in the steps taken each day. Most large goals won’t be achieved in just a few days, so that’s why I break them up into mini-goals that are attainable and show my progress. My progress is what builds my confidence. Every day isn’t perfect, but I am capable of achieving these mini-goals. When they are achieved it’s a confidence booster. When they aren’t I can still move to the next day knowing it was only one day. Setbacks are normal and don’t define you. Don’t let one bad day decide that you are not going to achieve the big goals.
Some people say this is all crap, hokey and don’t believe in having an attitude of gratitude, manifestation or meditation. I do. I believe it because it has worked for me. It has changed my mindset. I am much more positive about my life. I truly believe whatever you put out into the universe you receive. If I put out positive vibes and give off positive energy, that’s what I receive. The opposite is just as true. You know that saying ‘negativity breeds negativity’ well it’s true. If you go into any situation with a negative mindset I guarantee you will find every obstacle and barrier. You will find fault. You will find the failure you’ve convinced yourself that is there waiting for you. If you go into that same situation with a positive mindset and positive intentions I guarantee you’re going to be more able to conquer those hurdles that you face and more determined to succeed because you’ve told yourself you CAN do it. That’s what manifestation is doing for you. You are setting your positive intentions and you’re telling yourself it is possible.
If you can see yourself doing it and can write it as if it’s already yours or already happening, it is then you’ve manifested. It’s the mind trick that makes you feel that positive energy. See it coming to fruition, feel the emotions of that experience, write your intentions and then go do it and prepare for that all to be done. That’s why meditation and manifestation go hand in hand. Both of these have to have a foundation of gratitude behind them to be successful.
I meditate first in order to clear my mind of the clutter and become centered. My next step is a manifestation meditation. I then write down my manifestation to solidify it. After these steps, I turn to my gratitude journal to say thank you for what I have now. I then set my goals for the next day. All in all it is more or less an hour of time that I set aside to center in on myself. To some an hour per day seems impossible, but it’s worth the time to choose you. It’s definitely customizable to you, but I feel an hour is a fair accounting though sometimes it’s longer for me and other times I spend less time than that. Most of the time the majority of that time is spent in meditation and manifestation, which typically have about 15-20 minutes tied to each. I can get carried away in the scripting part of manifestation spending a chunk of that time in this area. My gratitude and goal setting is pretty straightforward and typically take the least amount of time. On busy days, I will separate these out, so I’m not spending that hour all at once, but on days where I’m particularly out of center I will set aside the full hour and just do it. When I can set that aside I will also go full out as that’s what has the most benefit for me.
To each their own, but this routine has really impacted my life in a positive way. It’s my sanity saving solution. My threefold and ‘E’ are pretty good these days not to interrupt mommy’s me time. They have noticed the positive difference it makes in my attitude and my ability to keep my cool amongst our chaotic life. It’s an important part of my life these days and a solution I wish I had found much earlier in life. This is why I wanted to share it with everyone else! Stay positive people! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
