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This is YOUR Journey!

I’ve seen the mommy blogs with the cute craft projects and the vegan recipes. I’ve read the posts about connecting with your kids and loving them through bad behavior. I’ve read books about how to be a better parent and even paid for a parenting coach. I’m not one of those moms who can pretend that that mom life is easy. It’s not easy. We’ve established that. There wasn’t a rule book handed to us when we peed on the stick and found out that two lines means two people. Basically, we are all out here raising tiny humans hoping that we don’t screw them up completely. All we do is the best we can.

I definitely don’t have all the answers. I’ve got teenagers and preteens. I’m amazed that I’ve survived this far. With #1 about to turn 18 and graduate high school, I’m realizing I’ve successfully raised one kid to adulthood somehow. Hell, she’s even going to a fancy university with scholarship money and a future goal for life. That’s more than I had at 18, I was not that kid. I must’ve done something right, though I’m not sure what that something was. Ive got two more kids to get there and honestly, I’m not sure how the first one has gotten here. It’s been a hell of a ride. One I won’t be getting off of anytime soon.

My threefold is my heart and soul. Theses girls all are so uniquely different and they all need different things from me as their mom. I’m just winging it. Sometimes I hit it out of the park. On those days I feel like I’m super mom and that no one can top my momma magic. Other days, I’ve been told ‘I hate you and wish you weren’t my mom’ or ‘you are just like dad!’ Those days make me feel like I’m a momster. Kids can make us aim to be our best and they can also bring out our worst. It’s a balancing act.

I have learned a few things from the moms who have it all together. I have implemented a few plays from my parenting coach that have won the day. I also gained a little insight from the books and posts that I found helpful in my mom journey. I’ll save you the money you would spend and give you my informal reviews of some of those that stuck with me through the years.

  1. “You can’t pour from an empty cup”
    • My interpretation: take care of yourself. Self care is NOT going to the Walmart alone to get groceries, stop acting like it is!
  2. “Even the best parents lie to their kids”
    • This is so true! Telling your child your food is spicy because you don’t want to share is a lie. We all lie to our kids to save our sanity, at least a little bit.
  3. “You’re the boss”
    • We wrap our worlds around the needs of little people. At the end sometimes we forget who runs the show. Hold your ground. Don’t negotiate with tiny terrorists.
  4. “Maybe in mom language is ‘no’, but for kids it’s ‘yes’. Don’t get that twisted.”
    • We’ll see and maybe almost always means no or a lack of decision for a parent. Kids however, turn that maybe into a blood oath. They will take that maybe as a way to pester you to the yes they want. Kids know how to manipulate you. It’s better to just say no if you don’t want the harassment.
  5. “Master the art of blackmail and bribery”
    • I can already hear the comments of how little Timmy doesn’t have to be bribed and how we shouldn’t be bribing our kids to get them to do what we want. It’s consequences and rewards. Simple as that blackmail=consequence and bribe=rewards. If little Timmy doesn’t clean his room he doesn’t get ‘x’ if he does clean his room he gets ‘y’. It’s just the sugarcoated version of that. Learn what works to motivate your kids and use it.
  6. “Presence trumps presents”
    • When your child grows up and is looking back at their childhood what do you think will stick out more? The parent who bought them (fill in the blank) or the parent who played barbies on the floor? There are few things that I remember that stand out in the gift department, but I remember the Wednesday night ritual consisted of takeout, watching ‘Survivor’ with my dad just hanging out and laughing.
  7. “Perception is reality. Validation required”
    • Feelings are feelings. They may not be based in truth, but they are uniquely the interpretation of an experience. Being a parent means being understanding and compassionate of a child’s feelings an perspective even when it’s hard to see how they got there, they did. Accept it and help them navigate through their feelings. They can’t be changed just because you disagree.
  8. “You are their advocate and their voice”
    • Speak up and standup for your kids. Sometimes they aren’t able to do it themselves. Show them it’s important to stand firm in what you feel is right. You fight their fights with them.
  9. “You can be their parent and their friend”
    • This one is so controversial. I remember seeing this and it went against everything I had ever heard or thought about parenting. You have to parent them, not placate them. Then I thought about my real friends. The ones who stood by me in the thick of it. They didn’t just coddle me and hold my hand. They told me the truth. Even when I didn’t want to hear it. They smacked sense into me when required. True friends don’t tell you you are right and make you feel better all the time. Sometimes friends make us see how we’ve contributed to our own mess. If you’re a true friend to your child you can parent and be their trusted friend too.
  10. “Every great mom thinks they are screwing it up!”
    • If you are thinking about screwing it up, chances are you’re doing pretty damn good. The fact that you’re worried you aren’t doing well shows you are a good mom who wants to be great. Keep going!

Whether or not my threefold make millions of dollars, become the first woman president, marry a king, or become a famous TikTok influencer means nothing in the way of success. Not to me. I just want my threefold to grow into strong, confident, brave women who know their worth in this great big world. To me, that’s successful parenting. It’s a journey. Last piece of advice…stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M

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100% That Mom

100% that mom of course came from Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts”. It is just has my mom spin on it, because that’s what I do. I’m corny and cheesy. I’m 100% that mom. It has a million other hidden meanings and stories behind the phrase also. The main one being I want be 100% that mom by giving my threefold 100% of myself. It’s more like a goal than actually anything attainable. I think I am far too critical of myself to ever actually give myself 100% on anything I do in my life. Unless sarcastic snarky comments, collecting stars for rewards at Starbucks, or how to master the art of overthinking everything are graded assignments in our lives. I’m afraid that I wouldn’t give myself a very high grade in parenting, but I think I would get more than just the participation award!

100% That Mom started off as a joke. My threefold and I were singing loudly, off key, and out of rhythm to “Truth Hurts” and it kind of just came to me. I’m pretty fantastic at coming up with mom-related content, I think it’s just because I’m 100% that mom who isn’t scared to be silly or say something off the wall to see where it goes. Improv is a hidden talent of mine. I can play along with just about any scenario you dream of. It’s actually a coping mechanism and it gets me out of my head by making me become whatever my character would be. It’s typically very cliche stereotypes and generalizations of my perspective of how that character would act. One day I may get brave enough to post a video of DEFCON 4, the PPP and I in that element. It’s quite hilarious, if you don’t mind a little inappropriate (ok a lot) humor and aren’t easily offended. DEFCON 4 is really quite into our “southern family” persona. We are all good at doing that one, probably because we live in the south and have been around our fair share of southerners that we can speak the “native” language pretty well now. The PPP (aka my co-house manager, the man that I love) cracks me up when we get going. It’s silly and stupid, definitely immature, but we will laugh for days after about our make believe scenarios. It’s even better when we do them in public and people think we are actually serious. I love the shock and awe factor. I’m all about the looks we get, the whispers and snickers. Whatever makes you happy and appeases the mental health gods.

Background art by #3

I am 100% that mom who will turn the radio full blast when “Roses” by OutKast in the car line while dropping off my threefold at school and watch them walk away mortified. I am also 100% that mom who sees my child having an attitude towards me when they are with friends or their significant other and will loudly yell their name with a very serious “Don’t be mad! I promise I won’t forget to go to the pharmacy to get your prescription for your butt cream. I know you are acting like this because you ran out and it’s bothering you. Don’t worry momma will take care of you! Promise!” If you want to fix an attitude this method probably won’t work, but it sure does make me feel better to know they got the message!

“Not All Heroes Wear Capes” An assignment of their personal hero in English. My sweet 1 wrote about me.

I’m 100% that mom that cusses and talks about all the inappropriate things with my threefold. I refuse to apologize or be ashamed about that. I don’t shy away from the controversial and taboo topics they bring up. If we need to discuss them, it’s fine, and by God I want them to have the truth. It’s better coming from me than that person down the block who thinks that all gay people are going to hell and that they are predators trying to persuade today’s youth to become like them so they can enslave the straight people to accomplish world domination. If they don’t get it from the wackos, it’s the kids who know nothing or the internet and I honestly would rather have informed kids than try to fix all the misinformation coming at them around the world.

Im 100% that mom who skips through the parking lot holding hands with any of the DEFCON 4 crew regardless if they are 9 or 13 or 15 or 17. I am 100% that mom who will lay on the bed in the store knowing full well I am not buying it. I am 100% that mom who will spray the all of the perfume samples and turn on the noise making toys, set the alarms in electronics, and dance to the music overhead. Im 100% that mom who plays music roulette for the song of the day. The mom who sings to the strangers in the next car over. The mom who wants to be not so serious and stuffy and in my head all the time. I’m not doing it for everyone else I honestly don’t care if you like it or not. I only do it to see them smile, to hear their laugh, because I’ve spent way too much time and way too long caring about the opinions of people who don’t make bit of difference in my life. I do it because it’s fun to have fun!

A note from my sweet 1 this always reminds me I must be doing something right.

I’m also 100% that mom who will tell my threefold I love them and be affectionate no matter where we are or who we are around. I’m 100% that mom who will fight you when you talk bad about or try to come at my threefold. Sometimes it bothers me more than them, but believe me I will say something. It’s one of the few times I can be confident in confrontation now. It’s probably because I let them endure so much and didn’t stand up for them when I should’ve in the past. I’m 100% that mom who says I love you every time we hang up the phone and before bed each night. I’m 100% that mom who is too laidback sometimes and doesn’t like punishment, instead I am the mom who prefers positive reinforcement. I am 100% the mom who overthinks everything I need to do better or should’ve done. I’m the mom who works hard but wants to play harder. I’m 100% that mom who needs to decompress after a long day to mentally prepare and change my focus. I’m 100% the mom who struggles in the morning and is almost never on time. I’m 100% that mom who has awful days where nothing is going according to plan so I completely freak out over everything. I’m 100% that mom who my threefold feel safe to talk to and enjoy being around. I’m 100% that mom who is trying to give everything in me that is good to my threefold. I’m 100% that mom in all these things an a million more probably. It’s not all sunshine, rainbows, smiles and laughter. It’s all about them, and it’s all about what they need from me. I am 100% that mom who is trying to give my threefold the mom I needed when I was growing up.