It’s the new year, but we have to look back to move forward. It’s time to recap the year and plan for the year ahead. I know I have a goal getter mindset that is determined to achieve my goals. It’s not going to just happen. We have to stop sitting on the sidelines of our life and waiting for something or someone to push us into the action. You have to pursue what you want, it’s not just going to smack you in the face even if it is right in front of your nose. Don’t be so busy waiting for it to happen to you that you don’t realize when it’s there waiting for you to just take it!
I challenge you to take some time to reflect on the past year. How honest can you be with yourself? Can you get introspective and reflect on your year? Some questions are going to be easy to answer. Others, however, will require thought if you want to get to the hard truths that could lead you to find the answers of why you haven’t reached your goals in the past. I know this exercise has been challenging for me and cathartic as well. Pen to paper with brutal honesty always makes me realize my strengths and my flaws. That honesty make me motivated to improve upon my life and helps me to develop my plan for my self growth.
The following are the questions I use when recapping my month and making my assessment of myself. I just expand on them for the year in review. My answers to these questions help me to formulate my goals for the next set of questions.
Overall this year I felt:
My highlights from 2021?
How can I improve in 2022?
What lessons did I learn in 2021?
What goals did I want to achieve in 2021?
Did I reach my goals?
If no, what stopped me? If yes, how did I do it?
What was I most thankful for in 2021?
My strengths this year were:
My challenges this year were:
This year I was most proud of:
That is the same layout I use each month in my personal journal. The next set of questions will be how to format your goals for the new year.
What do I expect this year?
What do I want? {really want not the bs you think you’re supposed to say.}
What goals do you have for the year?
What plan do you have to reach them?
Why are these goals important for you to reach?
How will your life change once you reach these goals?
What challenges do you foresee that could halt your progress? What is your plan to overcome them?
How much time are you planning to commit to reach these goals?
How will you keep yourself accountable and track your progress?
How do you plan to stay motivated?
It’s important to remember that it’s not a goal if it is dependent on an outside factor. A proper goal is not ‘to get a raise’ however, you can say ‘I will be on time to work each day, complete my job duties to the best of my abilities and increase my sales by 3% over last year’. You now have a great set goals that will, when achieved, have the foundation to support why you deserve a raise. I hope that makes sense!
Now, go make some time and get ready to go after your goals. You are the key ingredient to your own success, but you are also the number one obstacle that stands between you and that same success. It’s all about progress, not perfection. Resolutions are broken usually by February, but goals those are more concrete and though they evolve they remain priorities throughout the year! Stay positive! You’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
Happy New Year! I’m late I know, that’s not unusual for me though. I celebrated with the two oldest of my threefold last night, ‘E’, #1’s boyfriend joined us and so did #2’s friend, ex, somebody. It’s complicated. We had a good time. We played radio roulette, ate finger foods, did year end ultimate positives and negatives, and danced. It was fun. We watched the countdown and then we all went to our corners of the house to sleep.
This morning, noon rather, I awoke and expected some sort of relief that the year before was complete. I expected to be full of inspiration and energy. I wasn’t. I was annoyed. I laid thinking of all I had to be grateful for and still I was irritated. I did my normal go outside and wake up in the peace and quiet. Think positive thoughts and wipe the funk out of my eyes. Manifest a great day. No avail.
I checked Facebook and saw the post that I had made a few days ago was getting lots of reactions and shares. Even that didn’t help my growing irritability, the headache I was developing, the tension in my shoulders and neck, or my anxiety. I couldn’t find the root cause. Why was I so edgy?
I did my best to keep to myself as I always do when my mood goes haywire. ‘E’ has been sick so as he slept the day away I worked on my content so I would have some fresh stuff to post this week. I was trying to be productive. Then my head couldn’t take the screen or the light. #1 needed a birthday gift for a party she was attending but with this headache I wasn’t going anywhere. I put her in an Uber and sent her and her boyfriend on their way. After that, I went to bed and tried to sleep away my headache and irritation.
#2 asked to go spend the night with a friend. I haven’t spent a single night, let alone more than a few hours, away from this kid since her discharge in late August. She had a compelling argument. Then again, she always does. I was reluctant and told her I would think about it. It’s been six months since she stayed with a friend. She hasn’t even asked to go stay with anyone. I agreed. It was time to give her some deserved independence and trust. I saw her off and took #1 to her party. Back home for some chill time and some take out.
I meditated before going in and got my mood a little in check. I was trying to be ok. I wanted to feel better and just chill on a child free evening that is a rarity for me. I logged into my work portal and was happy to see 80 hours of vacation time that started today. I was glad to see the few hours I had left from last year had been rolled over, even though that’s not policy. When I clicked a button to check on my year end raise I saw that I received more than the average raise I got at the end of last year. This should have been enough to make me happy, but somehow it only added to the irritation.
My night chilling without kids didn’t last because an argument ensued between’E’ and I. My already edgy irritable demeanor roared to life with the first hint of attitude. That spark grew into anger. I was pissed. Not on edge, not upset, I was full on pissed. I stormed off not even sure where I would go. All I could think was ‘I can’t believe this is how my new year starts!’ Here I was thinking it would be a magical fresh start and a clean slate and instead it’s this.
Where did I go wrong? I rang in the new year. I meditated. I manifested. I sat in gratitude. So why was I in such a shitty mood? Why was my new year starting out on the wrong foot? It wasn’t supposed to be like this! The answer is me. I’m the reason it was so jacked up. I could say it’s because I’m bipolar or that I’m PMS’ing, or the headache, or my neck. Those could all be valid reasons. They can’t excuse my irritation and explosive reaction even if those are true.
Now here I sit reflecting on my day. My first day of a new year. On my piss poor, irritated, and ungrateful attitude. I sat and wallowed in my disappointment with the day and now that disappointment has turned inward. What the hell is wrong with me? I got a raise! I have two weeks plus some paid vacation! My daughter is taking on more independence again. My other is graduating soon. I’ve got a man who won’t budge despite how hard I push him away. I have a home. My threefold and I are safe and healthy. We have so much good in our lives, yet I can’t get out of my own way to just be grateful for it. I have to snap out of it!
I’m the only person that can control my own emotions, attitude, actions, and responses. Only me. Sometimes you just have an off day. Sometimes you can’t see the good because your eyes hurt when you look at the light. Sometimes you’re just being a bitch and need to check yourself. Sometimes we let ourselves be encompassed by a little bit of bad and refuse to let the good in. Sometimes we have to let it blow up so that we can get it together. It’s not ever going to be perfect and neither am I. I won’t allow one bad day define my year. All I can do is move forward. Have a better tomorrow. Do it differently. Be positive. We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
As promised, I am going to share a step in the Goal Getter’s Guide that sets the tone for my entire day and can be beneficial for everyone else reading too. Having a morning routine! A morning routine is just what you would think it is and whether you realize it or not you already have one. I’m simply suggesting you become more intentional about that routine! It’s easier said than done {believe me I know!} If you’re routine is a mess and there is no method to the madness then I know where you are, I’ve been there too! It’s time to revamp it!
My morning routine was shit. It just was. My morning routine consisted of rushing out of bed {after the 5th alarm} while running around the house trying to make sure my threefold was up and moving. It involved yelling, frustration, cuss words and missing the bus. It was full of negativity and wondering what I was forgetting. I was not only starting my day off in the worst way, but also everyone else’s. I don’t think anyone really realizes how much the morning affects their whole day and how your actions can set the tone for how the day will play out.
Now, I won’t lie, my routine is still in need of improvement and isn’t one making other moms jealous. I have learned what I do in the morning, how I speak, and how I think has the power to make or break my entire day. My new routine makes me much more prepared for my day! It also gives me time to mentally set my intentions for the day. I still need the five alarms and sometimes a swift kick in the ass to get moving, but it’s improved in nearly every other area. We don’t have family breakfast before school or a big motivational pep talk. I can tell a difference though as I realize now that my routine not only affects me positively but also my threefold {even if they won’t admit it!} I bet you’re wondering what I do in the morning that doesn’t involve an hour workout, a big chunk of my day, or getting up at the butt crack of dawn.
Revamp and Rev Up Your Routine!
Wake Up With Gratitude. Those five alarms I set, well the final three have notes reminding me to be grateful! So when my eyes open and I immediately want to moan and groan about getting up I instead stop and think about what I’m thankful for. This forces me to be mindful before the endless list of to do’s start running through my head demanding all of my attention. It doesn’t always work out {mainly because I sleep through that damn alarm, all five, and don’t even bother turning them off!} some days I’m still on too big of a hurry to take the two minutes to sit in gratitude. {that’s bullshit, I don’t MAKE the time.} We all have two minutes, will you take them to be thankful for another shot to do better?
Get Motivated! As I stated my routine still needs some improvement, but my motivational audio and specific morning music playlists are on my morning agenda! I usually listen to my morning motivational audio on YouTube while driving #1 of my threefold {the oldest kid} to school. I continue that while doing my make up at the bus stop waiting with #3. The playlists are a great way to get inspiration and fuel my get up and go for my day!
Meditate!!! Meditation is my way of mentally preparing myself for my day and one thing I feel is necessary in order for me to be at my best throughout my day. I clear my head and breathe. If I have to choose to be on time or meditate then I will choose meditation EVERY time. I usually do a quick meditation in the morning {10-15 minutes.} Meditation quiets the noise in my head and the noise around me. It relaxes me and resets my thinking so I can move to my next step.
Manifest! I not only think about what I want for the day, but put pen to paper and write it down.Writing or ‘scripting’ my intentions for the day is myfavorite thing about my morning routine. I put it out into the universe exactly how I want my day to go. I imagine myself having an awesome day and the part I will play in making that day happen for myself. It sounds hokey and too easy but it works! Do I have a great day everyday? Nope. I do have more good days than bad ones. Honestly, I have bad moments not bad days~because I am the only person who decides if I will allow a bad moment to change the course of my day. My advice is to decide what you want for the day and fully imagine it then write it down. That’s all there is to scripting your day.
Positive Affirmations. I fought this one the hardest {well besides the actual get out of bedpart} I thought these were so cheesy when I had a therapist I wasn’t that fond of recommend trying it because my self talk was so negative. I was getting really good at speaking positivity into others, especially my threefold, but I was beating myself up. At first, I sounded sarcastic and thought how stupid it was to repeat ‘I am control of myself and my emotions’ amongst a million other lines that felt so silly to be saying. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point I started to believe them and I didn’t sound sarcastic or doubt the validity of what I was saying. After a while, I was saying them in my head when I found myself in a situation where I would normally start my verbal assault on my entire way of life. I listen to these on the way to work in the morning or anytime I need the extra reminder that ‘I am enough!’
I definitely won’t pretend to have it all together but my 30 minutes in the morning that I split up between my drop offs and waiting on buses, makes me feel better prepared for my day. The little chunks of time that would be spent mindlessly worrying about how much I need to do are now better spent taking actions towards reaching my goals. These little changes that I fit into my morning mayhem with my threefold have made me less stressed, more positive, and more productive. It’s not always easily accomplished, but it’s time well spent not wasted on worry.
Starting your day off on a positive note will boost your mood throughout the day. You’ve already accomplished a goal {no matter the size} first thing in the morning. The days where the morning routine is seamless and all goes accordingly are awesome, but when I accomplish all of my morning routine even amongst the morning mayhem it feels amazing. Before I began this little routine I would let one minor hiccup hijack my mood and my day. I had decided off the bat that however I felt when I woke up was how I would feel all day. The fact is that we decide what kind of day we are going to have. We decide to be a good mood or a bad one. We decide how we handle the obstacles and challenges that arise throughout our day. It’s not by chance that you have a good day, it’s by choice! It’s not about perfection, it’s about progress. If you don’t like it, change it! Stay positive! You’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
The Goal Getter Guide for People Who Get Sh!t Done.
Some part of all of us who at one time or another we feel life shouldn’t be this hard or that we should have had it all together by now. We aren’t going to find the solutions to all of life problems today but we can fix a lot of our problems and start placing our bets where we are guaranteed to win. We can fix our fixation on the future, lower anxiety and still have a goal getter mindset and accomplish everything we want. This is why my way is better than what you’ve been doing and how using this method changed my life!
First things first-let it all go. That’s a stupid saying right? {I’ve always hated the straight to the point sayings.} Is it untrue though? No. that’s one of my biggest tips I can offer you. Stop fixating on the goal that there is some worry free life where everything magically works out and we get everything we want with minimal effort. Our focus may be in the future, but we want that quick fix solution NOW. Why else would millions of people pay money to play a game they are going to lose except for 99.8% of the time? Who plays that game? People will pay for a game that is nearly guaranteed to disappoint them to have the little hope they have in the moments before, the dream? What game is this? If you hadn’t already guessed what game, it’s the lottery.
People pay millions of dollars every week across the world for the smallest chance to have their numbers appear on a screen and have that hope for the moment that they could have a life that will NEVER happen for them. Harsh? No! That’s the truth! If your hope in life is that you will win the lottery you are playing a losing game. You have a better chance of marrying a millionaire, getting a record deal, inventing a multi-million dollar product, writing a successful book, or inheriting money from a long lost aunt you never knew of then it is to win the lottery. It’s a fixation on a future that is all about chance. A chance that will only be a reality for one in those millions. Sure, there’s a shot {and you can’t win if you don’t play.} but your chances are next to none.
So how do you fix that? What can you do to change your odds? Quit playing the losing hand and focus your fixation on the winning one. So what is the winning hand you have to play? Where do you place your bets? Place the bet on YOU. You took out any work other than buying a ticket when your hopes and dreams involve you winning a game that you are nearly guaranteed to lose. That’s why it’s easy to hope for a big life because you didn’t work for any of it. You went to a store and you hoped for the beat. That’s it. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you are not going to win. The top of the known statistics about most lottery winners is they end up filing bankruptcy. My best hypothesis is that they lose it all and end up right back where they were before because they have no personal investment in the money. If you worked hard for something and earned it, then you are invested in the result. These people who put work into their achievements have priorities and want to make sure they never have to struggle like before. That’s my theory. {tell me it doesn’t make sense though.}
So we’ve learned the odds are stacked against you {and me} of winning the lottery any time soon and they are still pretty low that there is some long lost aunt somewhere that you don’t know about that has you marked as their only beneficiary, sorry I dashed your dream of being an instant millionaire with a single sentence. Let’s be the adults we are and stop hoping and wishing on the idea that we will have be the 1 in nearly 14 million that win the big jackpot in the pick 6. Also realize that the state lottery {mega millions} you have a mere 1 in nearly 276 million odds {but if this where you want to place your bets, do you boo.} So how do you become a Goal Getter? How do you get what you always wanted out of this life? How do you find success, realize your dreams, and make the type of money you want? I’m going to tell you!
Real talk. You ready? You are fixing to find out the answer of how to make this life whatever you want it to be…and it’s going to sound too easy. YOU make it! YOU create it! YOU stop telling yourself all the reasons you can’t {the ultimate C-word} and replace it with all the reasons YOU CAN. Sounds too easy and simple, but it’s true. Will it be instant? Nope. Will it be easy. Nope. But in case YOUR momma didn’t tell you, I’ll be the momma who will- “Nothing worth having in life is going to ever be easy.” I wish I had listened sooner and figured this out before 37. I would be a hell of a lot further than I am now if I had remembered this little saying and started being a Goal Getter and got it done!
How do you do it? Why try? Why work for the dreams when you’ve failed to reach over and over? Why work for something that there is no guarantee you will ever get? Why? Why? Why? Well I’m going to tell you why! You do it because YOU decide you’re worth it. I’d rather try and fail and fall but get up then sit here scared to fall and afraid of the failure that I never even try to fight for my own dreams and work for my own goals. I will always fail if I never do anything. It’s impossible if I do nothing but if I change the impossible to having the mindset of I’m possible then I have already taken the first step in reaching my success.
Before I tell you how I am going to tell you why. Why the hell should you listen to me? What do I have that makes me so ‘woke’? {that should make adults and kids alike cringe but you’ll definitely start asking why!} What makes me the expert? Why haven’t you heard of little ole me? Why should you listen to a single mom, who works a 9-6 job, who makes very little money writing, who is divorced, has children who have struggles with mental illnesses, and who is seemingly no better or who has no credentials, and who has zero experience or who is seemingly unqualified to give any pertinent life advice? Why listen to me at all? Well before I tell you how to do more than you did today I will tell you what has happened to me since I started living my Goal Getter life a year ago.
Over the past year I’ve changed my life one goal at a time. A year ago I was on the left and my present is on the right {because I am headed in the right direction!}
Miserable Marriage
Pessimistic Outlook
Isolated
Substance Abuse
Dying Dreams
220lbs
Unmedicated Mental Illness
Unhealthy Parent
Anxiety Daily at 8/10
No energy
Lying to everyone
Negative self talk daily
No routine
Mediocre Work Ethic
Hopeless and Depressed
Trapped
Negative influences
Triggered often
Impatient
High expectations of others
Divorced and engaged to a good man
Optimistic Attitude
Rarely isolated
Drinks rarely and no recreational drug use for over 10 months
Rekindled passions and chasing dreams
150lbs and muscle tone, down 10 pant sizes.
Therapy and medication management
Positive role model for mythreefold
Anxiety 3/10 regularly
Incredible increase in energy and drive
Brutal honesty in most everything
Positive affirmations and more confidence
Routine for self care, goal review, time etc.
2 raises and promotion in a year with drive and passion even in my 9-6 job
Determined and Happy
Free from past, guilt, and my self-made prison
Cut off my negative influences and replaced them with positive ones
Triggered rarely
Patient, compassionate, and understanding
Heightened expectations of self and lower of others
The point isn’t that I never fail or that I don’t want to quit when it all gets too hard. The point is that regardless of how big I fail or how much I hurt from the fall my reset time to start over is nearly instantaneous and I start each day fresh. I put my all into each day and do my best. Even when I’m not 100%, I’m always going to be at my best even when I’m sick, feel myself falling, if I’m on the edge, or when I jack it all up. If all I have is 40% that day I’m ok giving my full 40%. The days I’m on my game, I am unstoppable. The question shouldn’t be why should you listen to me. It should be why not? Honestly what do you have to lose?
You may be thinking, ‘mmhmm lady, big freaking deal.’ Yep, it sure is a big freaking deal. It’s a huge deal because I changed from that person on the left who questioned everything and everyone {including myself} and made lists and empty promises to everyone {especially myself} of how I wanted to change my life, but I didn’t know how and was too scared to even start. To the person I am today. The person on the right. The person I wanted to be everyday but never knew how much I was allowing the world and the people around me convince me that the bad always would win. That’s bullshit! I haven’t accomplished all of my goals, and the truth is I won’t ever accomplish all of them. I’m going to be a work in progress for the rest of my life because I’m always going to look for ways I can be better. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else and I don’t think I’ve cracked the code of some new way of life. I just made a plan and found a way and did it. I do think the true testament is that I’ve managed to change this much despite of the many obstacles that I was facing during a year that should’ve been my worst year ever and somehow I’ve managed to have the best year despite the bad. Guess what? I did that. All of it. Me. A 37 single mom of my threefold, that walked away from a 15 year miserable marriage filled with toxicity, with only three boxes of belongings and my threefold. Five psychiatric hospitalizations in one year for my #2, a lot of therapy, tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt and a lot of missed work. I could’ve easily gone back to the mess I was before but instead I made it my motivation and my mission to break that cycle. This doesn’t mean I’m perfect. I’ll be the first to admit I f’ed it up and still do have my fair share of bad days. The difference is where I would’ve said one bad day meant I should quit and allow that one day to become my reason and excuse for going back into my hole. I fail better now. Failure doesn’t stop me. I can have a bad day or a bad week and instead of throwing my hands up in defeat I dust myself off and remember my why and keep moving forward into my future .
I can’t guarantee anything will happen or give you a timeline on your goals, but I can guarantee that you will be happier, more motivated, find your faith, and you WILL be better on every level if you decide to fix your fixation on your failures and become future focused. I’m excited about my future! Are you? You should be! Place the bets where they belong and take a chance! What could you get out of trying it my way if you just put in the work? If you want something bad enough, nothing can stand in your way except for you. Now the question you want the answer to how to become the Goal Getter who goes out and gets shit done? I’m going to give you a sneak peak at the how so we can have the best year again next year. I’m going to give you the way I’ve found that worked for me and can work for you too. I’m going to give you the tools to get there regardless of where you are now or how big the dream is. If you’re just willing to put in a little work. What do you have to lose? Nothing. What’s the worst that could happen? You stay the same? If you don’t try that’s exactly what will happen. More of the same. Imagine this for just a second {just imagine} what if you don’t fail? What if it works? What if you find your way forward? What if you start finding a way to that better future you’ve always been waiting for and decide to be a goal getter and go get sh!t done? Your chances increase exponentially with my way. That I guarantee!
For the rest of my life 2021 will be the year I broke myself apart and everything and everyone seemed to shatter with me. It was a chaotic catastrophe filled year that took a lot of caffeine and cuss words and more crazy than anyone planned for to get through. No one will truly understand how broken we were before or how we broke ourselves completely to get to where we are today. On the flip side, 2021 however, will forever be the year that we took all those broken pieces and rearranged them into the beautiful brave bad asses that we’re born through the bullish!t. 2021 was our path to beginning to discover the life we always dreamed of was a possibility.
Our bets are placed on a big and bright future that we decided to create ourselves, the one we deserve. Be on the lookout for my 2022 Goal Getter series that will give you the tools you need to have to become the best you in 2022. Plan now and get excited about the possibilities that are waiting for you in 2022!
Be positive! Be a bad ass! Find the message in the mess! You’ve got this, goal getter! You are capable of amazing things! ☮️❤️😊~M
Today was an amazing day! For the first time in a week I’ve felt like almost a whole functioning person again! The lingering cough and general tiredness aside, I actually made it a whole day without needing a nap or feeling like my head would explode. Covid was no joke and I’m grateful that the worst {still crossing the fingers, and toes and my legs because I’m a damn lady} is behind me. I marked a couple Christmas presents off the list and even splurged a little on myself. That’s right, Momma got some new shoes! I found a new pair of Nike tennis shoes {I’m overdue for a new pair} for $37.95! I love a deal! I’m not a coupon lady, but I don’t buy unnecessary items {don’t look at my extensive collection of journals or my colorful pens.} without scouting out the deals. I’m a TJ Max, Good Will, thrift shop, white-trash garage sale kind of spender. If I have something expensive it’s most likely because someone got it for me. I’m not the designer hand bag and matching shoes kind of mom, but I can rock my $40 nikes and my under armour hoodie I got for $15, the messy bun, no make up, sweatpants hot mess mom look all day, every day. I don’t think I would be any different if I had the funds to support luxury spending sprees. My journal collection would be obscene and I’d most likely own every motivational knick knack that caught my eye, but my sweats, worn out tees and tennis shoes would never go away.
What I was really excited about today was getting my printed copy of my Goal Getter Workbook in my hands! It was a sense of accomplishment to see my artwork, my quotes, my words, and my vision printed on paper with a cover and bound. It was my first big ‘aha’ moment where I could fully visualize my dreams coming to life! It was a dream of mine to write and it’s one I’ve put off for years. My hopes and dreams were left collecting dust and slowly dying while I was busy being too scared to even attempt seeing them to fruition. I was scared to fail and I was scared of the judgment of people in my life or the criticism of people that know nothing about me. After all, I was the girl who secured a Facebook page years prior to posting publicly and bought my domain mythreefold.com three years before even designing my first piece of digital artwork or writing my first piece. For me to go from ‘maybe one day’ to holding myown piece of work just 7 months since starting this journey -in my hands– is the most awesome feeling. I’m patting myself on the back today and beaming with pride at my 15 page workbook. Pardon my huge goofy grin, my ego, and my excitement but I deserve to have this day to celebrate my first big moment. {insert awkward happy dance here}
I’m so pumped I’m already starting on my next creation and looking at all the opportunities available to me in this writing world. I am making moves people, best watch out for this girl, I’m a goal getter with a determination and a drive that is unmatched by many, equaled by some, and surpassed only by few! {can you sense what my family is dealing with right now?Pray for them!} I’m going to accomplish my goals and create a life that is my brand of amazing. I am open to tips, tricks, recommendations and any other constructive suggestions that may be useful as I explore the future of My Threefold. As Dr. Seuss said ‘Oh the Places You Will Go!’ Ready. Set. GO! Here I come, ready or not! It’s going to be a wild and crazy ride, but the crazy train is leaving the station! All aboard the F-yeah Freight Train! Be positive & believe in yourself! ☮️❤️😊~M
