Protected: Goal Getter: A Workbook for People Who Get Shit Done!
Tag: #gratitude
Be Mine…Everyday
It’s Valentine’s Day. For others it’s just a Monday. The chocolate and the flowers are no where to be found. Men are dashing through stores trying to find the last of the cheesy cards that weren’t picked over on the shelves. Ladies are holding onto hope for their guy to buy them shitty chocolate and the flowers that will die after only few days. Some will get sparkly jewelry, fancy restaurants, or a planned event. Everyone who is on the ‘just another day on the calendar’ train will be busying themselves with whatever anti-Valentine’s day plans they have. It’s that commercialized bullshit holiday where couples are supposed to show their admiration for one another. Well I’m not buying a damn thing.
I made my gift last year and did the same this year. I don’t even know why this holiday exists. The kids have parties at school and trade candy, cards, or dollar store trinkets. The teenagers gush about what their boyfriends will do for them. As an adult though, I’m just going to do what I normally would do. Unlike most people my normal involves sweet notes, cringeworthy crafts, back rubs, snuggleupits, and even some after hours entertainment *wink*.
I really don’t get the obligatory day of celebration. I don’t know why we wait for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, and other days to show love and appreciation. It’s the ordinary that is made amazing when you’re in love. It’s the little things everyday that make you feel loved. If I receive flowers on a random Tuesday it means more than the obligatory flowers given on this day. Acts of love and showing appreciation shouldn’t be reserved for a particular occasion. It should be done regularly, if not daily.
Here are a Few Things I Love to Give and Receive All Year Long:
- Date night- make a plan and go do something. Whether it’s dinner or just a walk. The point is to spend time together, alone.
- Good morning notes-whether a text or a handwritten note. Start your love’s day off with some sweet inspiration.
- Buy a treat- Do they have a favorite drink or guilty pleasure? Grab it! Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream will get you far with me!
- Massage- Who doesn’t love a good rub down after a long day at work?
- Break out the dirty talk- send a message about what you want. It’ll be fun to see their reaction and you may just explore some new bedroom adventures!
- Snuggle up- Just relax and snuggle while watching some tv or reading. Just be together.
- Go to breakfast- wake up early and grab some breakfast before work. It’s an awesome way to start the day.
- Plan a Trip
- Make a video montage of your favorite memories.
- Write down the reasons you love your person. {I used paint samples from Lowe’s & gave him the stack}
I did receive my sweet little gifts today. I received my card, chocolate, and my stuffed animal ‘Sunshine’ the good vibes squishmallow. I am grateful to have someone who makes me feel special on bullshit commercial holidays like this one. I am shown that love every day and that’s what is meaningful. It’s in the everyday little things that show love and consideration. That’s why I am ready to go snuggleupit and enjoy this Monday with my man. Stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
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This is YOUR Journey!
I’ve seen the mommy blogs with the cute craft projects and the vegan recipes. I’ve read the posts about connecting with your kids and loving them through bad behavior. I’ve read books about how to be a better parent and even paid for a parenting coach. I’m not one of those moms who can pretend that that mom life is easy. It’s not easy. We’ve established that. There wasn’t a rule book handed to us when we peed on the stick and found out that two lines means two people. Basically, we are all out here raising tiny humans hoping that we don’t screw them up completely. All we do is the best we can.
I definitely don’t have all the answers. I’ve got teenagers and preteens. I’m amazed that I’ve survived this far. With #1 about to turn 18 and graduate high school, I’m realizing I’ve successfully raised one kid to adulthood somehow. Hell, she’s even going to a fancy university with scholarship money and a future goal for life. That’s more than I had at 18, I was not that kid. I must’ve done something right, though I’m not sure what that something was. Ive got two more kids to get there and honestly, I’m not sure how the first one has gotten here. It’s been a hell of a ride. One I won’t be getting off of anytime soon.
My threefold is my heart and soul. Theses girls all are so uniquely different and they all need different things from me as their mom. I’m just winging it. Sometimes I hit it out of the park. On those days I feel like I’m super mom and that no one can top my momma magic. Other days, I’ve been told ‘I hate you and wish you weren’t my mom’ or ‘you are just like dad!’ Those days make me feel like I’m a momster. Kids can make us aim to be our best and they can also bring out our worst. It’s a balancing act.
I have learned a few things from the moms who have it all together. I have implemented a few plays from my parenting coach that have won the day. I also gained a little insight from the books and posts that I found helpful in my mom journey. I’ll save you the money you would spend and give you my informal reviews of some of those that stuck with me through the years.
- “You can’t pour from an empty cup”
- My interpretation: take care of yourself. Self care is NOT going to the Walmart alone to get groceries, stop acting like it is!
- “Even the best parents lie to their kids”
- This is so true! Telling your child your food is spicy because you don’t want to share is a lie. We all lie to our kids to save our sanity, at least a little bit.
- “You’re the boss”
- We wrap our worlds around the needs of little people. At the end sometimes we forget who runs the show. Hold your ground. Don’t negotiate with tiny terrorists.
- “Maybe in mom language is ‘no’, but for kids it’s ‘yes’. Don’t get that twisted.”
- We’ll see and maybe almost always means no or a lack of decision for a parent. Kids however, turn that maybe into a blood oath. They will take that maybe as a way to pester you to the yes they want. Kids know how to manipulate you. It’s better to just say no if you don’t want the harassment.
- “Master the art of blackmail and bribery”
- I can already hear the comments of how little Timmy doesn’t have to be bribed and how we shouldn’t be bribing our kids to get them to do what we want. It’s consequences and rewards. Simple as that blackmail=consequence and bribe=rewards. If little Timmy doesn’t clean his room he doesn’t get ‘x’ if he does clean his room he gets ‘y’. It’s just the sugarcoated version of that. Learn what works to motivate your kids and use it.
- “Presence trumps presents”
- When your child grows up and is looking back at their childhood what do you think will stick out more? The parent who bought them (fill in the blank) or the parent who played barbies on the floor? There are few things that I remember that stand out in the gift department, but I remember the Wednesday night ritual consisted of takeout, watching ‘Survivor’ with my dad just hanging out and laughing.
- “Perception is reality. Validation required”
- Feelings are feelings. They may not be based in truth, but they are uniquely the interpretation of an experience. Being a parent means being understanding and compassionate of a child’s feelings an perspective even when it’s hard to see how they got there, they did. Accept it and help them navigate through their feelings. They can’t be changed just because you disagree.
- “You are their advocate and their voice”
- Speak up and standup for your kids. Sometimes they aren’t able to do it themselves. Show them it’s important to stand firm in what you feel is right. You fight their fights with them.
- “You can be their parent and their friend”
- This one is so controversial. I remember seeing this and it went against everything I had ever heard or thought about parenting. You have to parent them, not placate them. Then I thought about my real friends. The ones who stood by me in the thick of it. They didn’t just coddle me and hold my hand. They told me the truth. Even when I didn’t want to hear it. They smacked sense into me when required. True friends don’t tell you you are right and make you feel better all the time. Sometimes friends make us see how we’ve contributed to our own mess. If you’re a true friend to your child you can parent and be their trusted friend too.
- “Every great mom thinks they are screwing it up!”
- If you are thinking about screwing it up, chances are you’re doing pretty damn good. The fact that you’re worried you aren’t doing well shows you are a good mom who wants to be great. Keep going!
Whether or not my threefold make millions of dollars, become the first woman president, marry a king, or become a famous TikTok influencer means nothing in the way of success. Not to me. I just want my threefold to grow into strong, confident, brave women who know their worth in this great big world. To me, that’s successful parenting. It’s a journey. Last piece of advice…stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
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Pay it Forward
I don’t think I realized how much faith I had lost in humanity until this past year happened. Acts of kindness me doubt the ‘why’ behind the actions. I’be never been someone who admitted they needed help. I’ve been the type of girl who figured it out since becoming an adult. I became resourceful and I pride myself on my ability to always find a way. That saying ‘if there’s a will, there’s a way’ was written with me in mind.
If I need something or want something bad enough I am next to unstoppable. I’m persistent and stubborn as hell. I almost always get my way. That sounds like I’m an entitled brat, but what I mean is I work for it. I will grind and hustle. I will possibly pester the shit out of you about it, but eventually I will have what I want.
If you’ve been following and reading for a while you know that my family has faced some unique challenges over the past year. With a lot of strength and perseverance we made it through the hardest of times. When I say it’s been a struggle, I mean a struggle. There were times I doubted I was cut out for this job called mom. It’s not easy. That’s an understatement.
I found my faith in humanity this year. I found support in places I never would have thought. Even now, when things have begun to settle back to a manageable level of chaos, I am still receiving that support. Maybe it’s manifested, maybe it’s good karma, maybe it’s my mom looking out for me or God, I’m not sure. I just know that whatever it is I can only say that I am so grateful.
When we were at our lowest, my company donated $2000 to our family to help with expenses. A ‘go fund me’ campaign raised another $2000. My company also provided our family with over $500 in gift cards so that we would have gas money, groceries, and be able to afford to go out to eat on occasion. My boss has paid #2 every week for the little bit of work she does at our office after school, since she has to come to work with me in the afternoons after school due to her safety plan. My boss also bought #2 a homecoming dress when he and his fiancé found out we would going on our thrift shop scavenger hunt.
Last but certainly not least, is our new friend, Karthik. There was a time before the ‘go fund me’ and before the company donations that I was struggling and in a bad way. I had gone to a gas station and crossed my fingers as I swiped my card. Declined. That day Karthik put $20 of gas in my car. I didn’t ask. He just saw my desperation probably. I just needed to get to the day patient program #2 was going to at the time to pick her up. I was too prideful to ask for help, even from my own family. Karthik, just did it. No questions asked.
We frequent this gas station regularly now. We go nearly every afternoon after school on my way back to work. #2 says Karthik is her best friend. He is an amazing friend to us. He always make #2 get herself an extra treat, he asks if we need anything, he gives us hot plates, and we are always the first people he asks to try his latest creation. He refuses our money more often than not these days. When I try to pay he just voids my sale. I don’t know why he is so nice to us. He is always friendly and happy to see us. He never asks for anything in return. #2 even had me take her the night of homecoming so she could get a picture with him before the dance. He was ‘honored’.
These strangers that have come into our lives and lifted us up when we were at our lowest have restored our faith in the goodness that people have. I pay it forward as often as I can. I don’t think it’s right to receive without giving it back. I feel you have to put it back into the universe, that good it gives to you, as often as you can in order to keep the good flowing. Not everyone has an ulterior motive. Some people are just kind. Pay if forward. Stay Positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
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Dating my Daughter…
We’ve established Mommin’ ain’t easy. With my threefold and our extremely complicated circumstances surrounding mental illness means my parenting approach needs to be in line and on it’s A-game as much as possible. I’m not the perfect Pinterest mom who is building replicas of Rome with cardboard and crepe paper. I’m a below average cook. I’m also not really into fitness, hair, or makeup. I’m more of the trauma momma chaos coordinator extraordinaire. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for connecting and having one on one time with my threefold.
As much as I wish I could just be an amazing mom, I know I have room for improvement. If nothing else, I always am looking for ways to be better for myself and especially for my threefold. It’s important I have a grasp on my parenting approach for consistency and balance. With mental illness and some challenging behaviors mixed with the change in family dynamics, I have to be able to be effective and understanding. Hold my ground and hold their hands when necessary too. It’s a balance.
It’s just really freaking hard to find that balance alone. So I got a parenting coach. Yes, a parenting coach to help me navigate how to handle my crazy, chaotic, ever changing crew. I’m raising little humans here! I don’t want them to be total assholes and so I need help. The goal is to raise confident, motivated, and compassionate people. Or something that isn’t resulting in a menace to society or crime filled gang life. I don’t know, I’m trying!
My parenting coach, whom I don’t quite buy into just yet, gave me a challenge this week. I was supposed to establish my expectations for my threefold and explain them clearly in a calm manner. Ok. I get that. Then I was to establish set consequences for not meeting those expectations and hold their feet to the fire. Ok. I can maybe do that one too. The last was to plan a ‘date’ with my daughters individually and spend quality one on one time with each. Sounds easy? IT’S NOT! I’m in a ball of anxiety surrounding this challenge.
First of all my threefold range in age. Youngest {#3} is 10, my middle {#2} is 13, and the oldest {#1} is 17. I’m not sure what to do with any of them. That sounds awful, but it’s true. I don’t know of anything that I can do for a few hours with my own kids! Go ahead and bring on the judgment, I’m judging myself too right now.
The thing is that I don’t want to have to say no and cause their day to go straight down the drain. I don’t want to end up with a pouty and irritable kid, because it’s just not something doable today. Not everything can be money related and we don’t have privacy at home with 6 people in the house to make plans at home.
Of course my challenge today is #3 of my threefold. Ugh! Why the hardest one to please is the first date pick, I don’t know! I must like self torture. She isn’t hard to please, but her list of ideas for her mommy time consists over Starbucks, Walmart, Target, 5 Below and a craft project. I can already picture me telling her that I’m not buying a shit ton of useless crap and her pouty face. It’s all shopping and shopping is not my ideal day even on a day when the money moves right.
I’ve scoured the internet looking for something inexpensive and fun we can do outside of the house. It’s below freezing, so anything like picnics, parks, bike rides and nature walks are out of the question. I’m lost. I have zero clue as to what to counter her shopping spree with. I’ve come up empty.
I know she needs this special time with me. I do understand the premise. Also she did have her first four day good behavior streak in months at both school and home so she also earned a reward for her improvement and efforts made. I just want it to go well. I think I’m more nervous about this date than any other I have ever been on. I feel like it’s a make or break it kind of thing. It’s not, but I’m going to overthink this until it’s time to go.
Today from 3pm-5pm this kid has me to herself. We have 2 hours to go bond just the two of us today. I’ve got to go manifest some money and some magic mom mastery. Seriously though, I know this is supposed to be fun. I’m just unintentionally overthinking the fun out of the experience. I know, relax! It needs to be special, but whatever we do today, it’s got to be something that makes her feel special not just a shot in the dark. I’m hoping I can conjure my creativity and find the fun on a cold winters day. I’m staying positive. I’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M
