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Beat the Odds!

The Goal Getter Guide for People Who Get Sh!t Done.

Some part of all of us who at one time or another we feel life shouldn’t be this hard or that we should have had it all together by now. We aren’t going to find the solutions to all of life problems today but we can fix a lot of our problems and start placing our bets where we are guaranteed to win. We can fix our fixation on the future, lower anxiety and still have a goal getter mindset and accomplish everything we want. This is why my way is better than what you’ve been doing and how using this method changed my life!

First things first-let it all go. That’s a stupid saying right? {I’ve always hated the straight to the point sayings.} Is it untrue though? No. that’s one of my biggest tips I can offer you. Stop fixating on the goal that there is some worry free life where everything magically works out and we get everything we want with minimal effort. Our focus may be in the future, but we want that quick fix solution NOW. Why else would millions of people pay money to play a game they are going to lose except for 99.8% of the time? Who plays that game? People will pay for a game that is nearly guaranteed to disappoint them to have the little hope they have in the moments before, the dream? What game is this? If you hadn’t already guessed what game, it’s the lottery.

People pay millions of dollars every week across the world for the smallest chance to have their numbers appear on a screen and have that hope for the moment that they could have a life that will NEVER happen for them. Harsh? No! That’s the truth! If your hope in life is that you will win the lottery you are playing a losing game. You have a better chance of marrying a millionaire, getting a record deal, inventing a multi-million dollar product, writing a successful book, or inheriting money from a long lost aunt you never knew of then it is to win the lottery. It’s a fixation on a future that is all about chance. A chance that will only be a reality for one in those millions. Sure, there’s a shot {and you can’t win if you don’t play.} but your chances are next to none.

So how do you fix that? What can you do to change your odds? Quit playing the losing hand and focus your fixation on the winning one. So what is the winning hand you have to play? Where do you place your bets? Place the bet on YOU. You took out any work other than buying a ticket when your hopes and dreams involve you winning a game that you are nearly guaranteed to lose. That’s why it’s easy to hope for a big life because you didn’t work for any of it. You went to a store and you hoped for the beat. That’s it. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you are not going to win. The top of the known statistics about most lottery winners is they end up filing bankruptcy. My best hypothesis is that they lose it all and end up right back where they were before because they have no personal investment in the money. If you worked hard for something and earned it, then you are invested in the result. These people who put work into their achievements have priorities and want to make sure they never have to struggle like before. That’s my theory. {tell me it doesn’t make sense though.}

So we’ve learned the odds are stacked against you {and me} of winning the lottery any time soon and they are still pretty low that there is some long lost aunt somewhere that you don’t know about that has you marked as their only beneficiary, sorry I dashed your dream of being an instant millionaire with a single sentence. Let’s be the adults we are and stop hoping and wishing on the idea that we will have be the 1 in nearly 14 million that win the big jackpot in the pick 6. Also realize that the state lottery {mega millions} you have a mere 1 in nearly 276 million odds {but if this where you want to place your bets, do you boo.} So how do you become a Goal Getter? How do you get what you always wanted out of this life? How do you find success, realize your dreams, and make the type of money you want? I’m going to tell you!

Real talk. You ready? You are fixing to find out the answer of how to make this life whatever you want it to be…and it’s going to sound too easy. YOU make it! YOU create it! YOU stop telling yourself all the reasons you can’t {the ultimate C-word} and replace it with all the reasons YOU CAN. Sounds too easy and simple, but it’s true. Will it be instant? Nope. Will it be easy. Nope. But in case YOUR momma didn’t tell you, I’ll be the momma who will- “Nothing worth having in life is going to ever be easy.” I wish I had listened sooner and figured this out before 37. I would be a hell of a lot further than I am now if I had remembered this little saying and started being a Goal Getter and got it done!

How do you do it? Why try? Why work for the dreams when you’ve failed to reach over and over? Why work for something that there is no guarantee you will ever get? Why? Why? Why? Well I’m going to tell you why! You do it because YOU decide you’re worth it. I’d rather try and fail and fall but get up then sit here scared to fall and afraid of the failure that I never even try to fight for my own dreams and work for my own goals. I will always fail if I never do anything. It’s impossible if I do nothing but if I change the impossible to having the mindset of I’m possible then I have already taken the first step in reaching my success.

Before I tell you how I am going to tell you why. Why the hell should you listen to me? What do I have that makes me so ‘woke’? {that should make adults and kids alike cringe but you’ll definitely start asking why!} What makes me the expert? Why haven’t you heard of little ole me? Why should you listen to a single mom, who works a 9-6 job, who makes very little money writing, who is divorced, has children who have struggles with mental illnesses, and who is seemingly no better or who has no credentials, and who has zero experience or who is seemingly unqualified to give any pertinent life advice? Why listen to me at all? Well before I tell you how to do more than you did today I will tell you what has happened to me since I started living my Goal Getter life a year ago.

Over the past year I’ve changed my life one goal at a time. A year ago I was on the left and my present is on the right {because I am headed in the right direction!}

  • Miserable Marriage
  • Pessimistic Outlook
  • Isolated
  • Substance Abuse
  • Dying Dreams
  • 220lbs
  • Unmedicated Mental Illness
  • Unhealthy Parent
  • Anxiety Daily at 8/10
  • No energy
  • Lying to everyone
  • Negative self talk daily
  • No routine
  • Mediocre Work Ethic
  • Hopeless and Depressed
  • Trapped
  • Negative influences
  • Triggered often
  • Impatient
  • High expectations of others
  • Divorced and engaged to a good man
  • Optimistic Attitude
  • Rarely isolated
  • Drinks rarely and no recreational drug use for over 10 months
  • Rekindled passions and chasing dreams
  • 150lbs and muscle tone, down 10 pant sizes.
  • Therapy and medication management
  • Positive role model for mythreefold
  • Anxiety 3/10 regularly
  • Incredible increase in energy and drive
  • Brutal honesty in most everything
  • Positive affirmations and more confidence
  • Routine for self care, goal review, time etc.
  • 2 raises and promotion in a year with drive and passion even in my 9-6 job
  • Determined and Happy
  • Free from past, guilt, and my self-made prison
  • Cut off my negative influences and replaced them with positive ones
  • Triggered rarely
  • Patient, compassionate, and understanding
  • Heightened expectations of self and lower of others

The point isn’t that I never fail or that I don’t want to quit when it all gets too hard. The point is that regardless of how big I fail or how much I hurt from the fall my reset time to start over is nearly instantaneous and I start each day fresh. I put my all into each day and do my best. Even when I’m not 100%, I’m always going to be at my best even when I’m sick, feel myself falling, if I’m on the edge, or when I jack it all up. If all I have is 40% that day I’m ok giving my full 40%. The days I’m on my game, I am unstoppable. The question shouldn’t be why should you listen to me. It should be why not? Honestly what do you have to lose?

You may be thinking, ‘mmhmm lady, big freaking deal.’ Yep, it sure is a big freaking deal. It’s a huge deal because I changed from that person on the left who questioned everything and everyone {including myself} and made lists and empty promises to everyone {especially myself} of how I wanted to change my life, but I didn’t know how and was too scared to even start. To the person I am today. The person on the right. The person I wanted to be everyday but never knew how much I was allowing the world and the people around me convince me that the bad always would win. That’s bullshit! I haven’t accomplished all of my goals, and the truth is I won’t ever accomplish all of them. I’m going to be a work in progress for the rest of my life because I’m always going to look for ways I can be better. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else and I don’t think I’ve cracked the code of some new way of life. I just made a plan and found a way and did it. I do think the true testament is that I’ve managed to change this much despite of the many obstacles that I was facing during a year that should’ve been my worst year ever and somehow I’ve managed to have the best year despite the bad. Guess what? I did that. All of it. Me. A 37 single mom of my threefold, that walked away from a 15 year miserable marriage filled with toxicity, with only three boxes of belongings and my threefold. Five psychiatric hospitalizations in one year for my #2, a lot of therapy, tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt and a lot of missed work. I could’ve easily gone back to the mess I was before but instead I made it my motivation and my mission to break that cycle. This doesn’t mean I’m perfect. I’ll be the first to admit I f’ed it up and still do have my fair share of bad days. The difference is where I would’ve said one bad day meant I should quit and allow that one day to become my reason and excuse for going back into my hole. I fail better now. Failure doesn’t stop me. I can have a bad day or a bad week and instead of throwing my hands up in defeat I dust myself off and remember my why and keep moving forward into my future .

I can’t guarantee anything will happen or give you a timeline on your goals, but I can guarantee that you will be happier, more motivated, find your faith, and you WILL be better on every level if you decide to fix your fixation on your failures and become future focused. I’m excited about my future! Are you? You should be! Place the bets where they belong and take a chance! What could you get out of trying it my way if you just put in the work? If you want something bad enough, nothing can stand in your way except for you. Now the question you want the answer to how to become the Goal Getter who goes out and gets shit done? I’m going to give you a sneak peak at the how so we can have the best year again next year. I’m going to give you the way I’ve found that worked for me and can work for you too. I’m going to give you the tools to get there regardless of where you are now or how big the dream is. If you’re just willing to put in a little work. What do you have to lose? Nothing. What’s the worst that could happen? You stay the same? If you don’t try that’s exactly what will happen. More of the same. Imagine this for just a second {just imagine} what if you don’t fail? What if it works? What if you find your way forward? What if you start finding a way to that better future you’ve always been waiting for and decide to be a goal getter and go get sh!t done? Your chances increase exponentially with my way. That I guarantee!

For the rest of my life 2021 will be the year I broke myself apart and everything and everyone seemed to shatter with me. It was a chaotic catastrophe filled year that took a lot of caffeine and cuss words and more crazy than anyone planned for to get through. No one will truly understand how broken we were before or how we broke ourselves completely to get to where we are today. On the flip side, 2021 however, will forever be the year that we took all those broken pieces and rearranged them into the beautiful brave bad asses that we’re born through the bullish!t. 2021 was our path to beginning to discover the life we always dreamed of was a possibility.

Our bets are placed on a big and bright future that we decided to create ourselves, the one we deserve. Be on the lookout for my 2022 Goal Getter series that will give you the tools you need to have to become the best you in 2022. Plan now and get excited about the possibilities that are waiting for you in 2022!

Be positive! Be a bad ass! Find the message in the mess! You’ve got this, goal getter! You are capable of amazing things! ☮️❤️😊~M

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Goal Getter: December

I’m mixing things up a bit this month and setting the bar high! December is the final month of 2021 and that leaves exactly 31 days to finish up this year and I plan to finish STRONG! I am excited about planning this month’s goals and I’m excited about closing out this final month of 2021 with a BANG! The momentum and excitement for this month is all leading up to the amazing year I will have in 2022! I’m ready for that new chapter, but before I start planning the new year I need to wrap up this year with my December Goal Getter plan of action. Are you with me? Hell yeah!

First things first! Download my Goal Getter Workbook to create your own plan of action for the month!

December is a time where we usually get wrapped up {no pun intended} in the hustle bustle of the holidays and forego all goals, agendas and anything that we had set our sights on. I believe that it should be the opposite. This should should be when we are amped up the most to achieve those goals we set 11 months prior, because when we reach them we can have that feeling of accomplishment and the satisfaction that comes with seeing a goal to completion. I really don’t know a much better feeling than the feeling of setting a goal and reaching it! It’s a feeling of self satisfaction and contentment. It’s pride, confidence, hope, and accomplishment that comes together making you see yourself as the ultimate bad ass you are. What better way to end this year than to end it with that?

If you chose to download the workbook, AWESOME! That workbook will be handy to use throughout the year. If not, well you’re on your own. {just kidding, you can make your own template and follow along} December is the perfect time to go back to those big goals you made 11 months ago and see what you’ve got left to mark off that list. Some may be old news if you haven’t looked in a while. Others may be completed. Some may need some scaling adjustments. Some may need to be completely erased as irrelevant. Regardless if you have 1, 5, or 10 goals you want to accomplish it’s possible to start here and go after them!

My Personal Plan of Action:

At the beginning of the year, I will be honest and say I was in ‘survival mode’. Goals weren’t my “thing” and I was more of a yay it worked out or , damn it it didn’t! I didn’t really put much intention or thought into how my actions could give me more yay moments and less of the damn it moments. I was on ‘auto-pilot’ just hoping for the best. Guess what? That wasn’t working for me. It hadn’t worked for me in the past 37 years and it wasn’t going to start working for me anytime soon. So I made a change. In June, I decided to become more intentional with my day to day actions and began setting small, attainable goals that I could reach. Slowly I began to challenge myself to reach greater heights and chase my dreams. Thankfully, over the last 6 months my life has nearly done a 180• from where I was starting out the year. The person I can thank for that? Myself. Ultimately, you are the only person in control of your actions, attitude and aspirations. {Having positive influences and people supporting you is definitely a bonus!}

In July, I made my goals for the remainder of the year. 6 months after those around me. {Fashionably late, per usual} You can actually look at that first goal getter challenge I set out on here: Wellness Challenge: July 21 Days to Positivity I never thought that this one month would change everything I did from that day forward. It did. It changed my life. The goals I started with are still relevant to how I now live day to day. My threefold would probably tell you how boring it is to ride with me in a car since I’ve traded in my music most days for motivational You Tube compilations and TedX Talks! Something I would’ve thought laughable in years past. Or how I meditate and force them to meditate with me sometimes. Even how I fully believe in the power of visualization and manifesting your best life. Yep, I’m not going to lie, I’ve gotten pretty encompassed in all the ways to get my goal getter get up and go…well going.

My list in July was extensive. Four handwritten pages of goals kind of extensive with all the things I hoped to accomplish the remainder of the year. My success set up to become a happier and better me. I broke them up into these categories:

  • Attitude
  • Creativity
  • Career
  • Family
  • Romantic
  • Health
  • Financial
  • Personal/Self-Care

Out of four pages of goals here is the list that I have yet to accomplish:

  • Attitude – 5/5 Goals Achieved
  • Creativity – 5/6 Goals Achieved
    1. Monetize my blog/social media
  • Career – 11/12 Goals Achieved
    1. Get rewarded financially for performance
  • Family – 6/8 Goals Achieved
    1. Quality time spent with my threefold
    2. Schedule a family night event twice per month
  • Romantic – 3/6 Goals Achieved
    1. Spend quality time with ‘E’
    2. Overthinking/Assuming
    3. Holding Grudges
  • Health -3/4 Goals Achieved
    1. Quit Smoking
  • Financial – 1/4 Goals Achieved
    1. Budget
    2. Save
    3. Donate
  • Personal/Self Care- 9/10 Goals Achieved
    1. Free myself from my past guilt and move forward into the future.

If my math is right this shows I had 55 goals I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year. So far I’ve accomplished 40 of those. Not too shabby for a girl who didn’t even have a plan last January! However, this leaves me with 15 that I want to see through to completion by 12/31/21. I’m exhausted already! No. I’m not, I’m pumped! I’m a goal getter! I’ve got this! So now it’s time for the plan. Time to break these goals down into chunks of doable and actionable pieces that will see me to the finish line!

I can mark the one off my list for creativity. Today I launched my first download for the Goal Getter Workbook! This is my first real money driven effort for my blog! Profitable or not, it’s an achievement and an amazing way to kick off my month! The next is not totally in my hands, but I’m looking forward to a raise in the coming weeks at work for all the bad-assery I’ve displayed this year! So that will be something I can check off my list this month too! As for the Family goals – I have a couple things in the works planned for my threefold and I to have some QT as soon as we get over this Corona Virus infestation that has kept us cooped up in quarantineville for the past week. I also think I can knock out my romantic goal of some quality time with ‘E’ that isn’t just Covid cuddleupits while cat napping watching crime documentaries, although that has been a highlight of quarantine! The deeper of those 3 goals are resentments, grudges, overthinking and assumptions. This is something that will take constant effort and mindfulness on my part. My anxiety tends to lean towards catastrophizing even the smallest disagreements and distorts them into these out of proportion reactions. I have come a long way with this but I know that improvements can be made and I will definitely work to stay mindful of rational and irrational thoughts. The dreaded ‘quit smoking’ this isn’t something I have wanted to do. That’s just plain honest. It’s my vice. My coping mechanism. My reward. My appetite suppressant. My stress reliever. BUT as much as it’s been my crutch for the past 15 years {yes 15 years} it’s time to pack it up. I went three days without a cigarette while sick with the ‘rona. The longest time I’ve not smoked in 10 years. Sure, I could’ve said ‘haste la vista’ then but I wasn’t mentally prepared to say my farewells. My mind wasn’t in it. I’m there now. That first cigarette after 3 days tasted like burnt coffee creamer, stale crackers and old mints. I’m over it. If I can thank Covid for anything it will be that it may have ruined my love for the taste of a menthol cigarette forever. I haven’t openly put out there that I’m a smoker, but now that it’s here in black and white I can’t deny it. If I can end this year as a non-smoker then I will be so proud of myself. I’ve tried before and failed, but I haven’t had a blog post to hold me to it. Here’s to that! Financial goals are tricky for me, especially this month with Christmas being my holiday. I love getting the gifts for my threefold and watching their faces as they light up with excitement. This year has been a struggle financially in general due to all of the unforeseen medical expenses and bills, divorce, new home, lost time at work and general life maintenance. I am resourceful if nothing else, and stubborn so I have those two things on my side. It’s best to finish strong. I’ll put my $5.00/day that I would purchase my cigarettes with into an account for some rainy day savings to start. I’ll make a budget and formulate a doable plan to stick to. For donations, we will find a way to give to those less fortunate by way of volunteering time at a local charity. That final one in personal/self-care is tricky. I am working on manifesting my desired result in finally settling a peaceful resolution and tie up the loose ends of my past. I am also working through my feelings in therapy and finding ways I can let go of my resentment and hurt from my past, along with my personal guilt. I will continue to do both. In addition I will work on not giving my energy, positive or negative, to my past. I will allow whatever feelings and thoughts to surface and rise but not allow it to dwell in my headspace or overpower my reactions. I will acknowledge and dismiss. No lingering. That’s tough, but it will be awesome to see how much more positivity can grow when it isn’t being stomped out by the negative weight of the past. And that’s a wrap! That’s it, folks! That’s my plan of action for December! I hope you have downloaded My Goal Getter Workbook and choose to end your year with as much hope and positivity as you started it with! ☮️❤️😊~M

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Goal Getter: November Recap ~ Extended Version

Heyyyy! So I’m back with the November recap review! For those wondering I think I might be on the upswing from my bout with Corona. I’m feeling almost human. It’s been about 7 days since I started showing symptoms and I think I might be past the worst of it! {crossing fingers} Anywho…this is about the November recap! Did you review your month? I hope so! It always helps me to reflect back on the previous month before setting new goals for the month ahead. So this is my extended version of my recap for November. Enjoy!

November Recap: Personal Review

  • Overall this month I felt:
    1. More in control
    2. More energized
    3. Happier/more even
  • My highlights for November were:
    1. My gratitude journal
    2. Doing the ‘100 Happy Days’ challenge with my family.
    3. My schedule becoming more predictable
    4. Safety plan revision that allowed for some one on one time with ‘E’
  • How can I improve next month?
    1. Create a budget and stick to it!
    2. Lower expectations of self and others
    3. Ask for help
    4. Forgive and reset mood quicker
    5. Be more patient with self and others
  • What lessons did I learn in November?
    1. There is always something to be thankful for, every day!
    2. Happiness is a choice!
    3. I deserve an amazing life
    4. The only thing that stands between reaching my dreams is me.
    5. I can say no.
  • What goals did I want to achieve in November?
    1. Start a gratitude journal
    2. Give the benefit of the doubt
    3. Find the good in all situations
    4. Spend quality time with my threefold and ‘E’
    5. Meditate daily
    6. Manifest daily
  • Did I reach my goals?
    • Yes! I did reach my goals! I could’ve done better with quality time and giving the benefit of the doubt. I think I let my overthinking get in the way of giving the benefit of the doubt. As far as quality time I think I was more ‘me’ focused this month.
  • What was I most thankful for in November?
    1. My gratitude journal had one word every day with our fail- family.
  • My challenges this month:
    1. Overcoming overthinking
    2. Mood reset
    3. Budget/money management
    4. Letting go of past hurt and grudges
  • My strengths this month:
    1. My resourcefulness
    2. My stubborn determination
    3. My attitude
    4. My work ethic
  • This month I am most proud of:
    • My family. I am most proud of my family and how far we have come over the past year. We didn’t just survive, we changed, adapted, grew, healed and thrived. I am so proud of our strength, our tenacity, our flexibility, and how we all came together. My threefold inspires me!

And that’s that! November is a wrap y’all! I hope you had an amazing November and now it’s time to finish this year strong! December has 31 days full of clean slates and fresh opportunities for you to achieve your goals! You’ve got this! Be a goal getter and set your intentions and your goals for the month of December! Stay positive! You are amazing! ☮️❤️😊~M

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Quarantine Qualms

I have been working on being more positive lately and that has transferred over to a positive COVID-19 test. Yep, I’ve caught the VID. I am not thrilled about my 2 week staycation with my threefold who will undoubtedly be bored out of their mind, making messes galore, and incessantly complaining about how awful it is to be stuck in the house 24/7. Not to mention my mess that will be left for me when I return to work or the increases in grocery, electricity, internet usage and all the other bills! We are used to being nearly constantly on the run! No martial arts, no school, no friends, sleepovers, dates, or trips to the grocery store for the next 14 days. No work for mom or ‘E’ either. I have a feeling that we are all going to be ready to pull our hair out in about three days time. What will I do with myself? What will I do with them? Help!

I’m so glad we got our Christmas tree so that’s one thing we can do together. Those happiness challenges may be difficult if we can’t leave home, but we will at least have time to get creative about accomplishing them. We are having groceries delivered and hopefully I ordered enough food to sustain 5 bored humans for at least a few days. We can try some new recipes. Maybe we can get the house cleaned up and in order before Christmas comes. I will have time to write and create more. The kids can paint and draw. We might can actually sleep in a few days. We can have a Christmas movie marathon or binge watch a new tv show. We can decorate outside and hang the lights we said we wanted to hang. We can finally go through all the clothes, get caught up on the laundry, and make room for the stuff Santa brings us. Maybe, just maybe the universe is telling us to slow down, rest, and recharge. No appointments and no need for ‘time keeper Tammy’ to show her face over the next couple of weeks {2 is obsessed with being on time and has to have a plan and a schedule} I’m not sure how well any of us will do, but I’m trying be just as positive as my covid test about this whole situation.

The list is pretty daunting. It’s a pretty commendable list however, whether it anything is marked off is where the heroics will actually come in. A large list of things that we could do and ways to make this a not so unbearable and boring few weeks. With mental illness we all have to be proactive as to not isolate and trigger each other. As a mom, I will need to find my inner most saint like patience as I know how often it will be tested. I also know with bipolar disorder these medications I am being given {ie:steroids} could send me into a manic episode so I need to be cautious. ‘E’ will get his first taste of life stuck with four women, one being a whiny bitch because she is sick and I hate being sick {that’s me}, one who will be googling every symptom and becoming overly health conscious as she is a hypochondriac with anxiety {that’s #1 of threefold}, another bored to tears, hates sitting still, needs a plan for each day and still scared to not be busy because she has to sit with her feelings {that’s #2}, and then the one who has ADHD, is a mess-making, easily bored, and antagonistic when things are not how she wants {that’s #3}. I am thankful tgat we are all finished with our periods this month, honestly, someone up there is looking out for my guy! In addition, I know he is sick. It’s in his eyes, he is coughing, headache, achy and tired. Me too boo, me too. He won’t admit it. I’ve never seen him sick, but he can’t be worse than what I’ve seen some men act like {at least I hope!}

There would’ve been a time not long ago that this would’ve been “the end of the world”. I would’ve made myself more sick as I worried about the bills getting paid, how I would navigate my threefold, and I would’ve spent the next two weeks a moping, sobbing, sick and stressed out lump with no plan. That’s probably why I got it now instead of a year ago when it was the trendy virus to have. That’s me though, I shop at Ross, Marshall’s, TJ Max, and Good Will because I am perfectly content wearing last seasons fashions and save that money for other things. Why would Covid be any different? (I’m making light of me having this not attempting to be insensitive to the millions who have been gravely affected) I’m positive that I am going to be ok. I’m not 100%, tip top fighting shape but I’m pretty healthy overall {where it counts I think}. I just hope the kids stay well and that we can take advantage of the situation instead of making it worse on each other. That’s the goal for the next two weeks. Until I am released from house arrest I will try to quiet my quarantine qualms and turn this into QT quarantine with the fam. Stay positive! {not this positive but you know} and keep enjoying the journey! ☮️❤️😊~M

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Chance or Choice?

Happiness is a choice and not just left to chance? That’s not what I learned growing up or even up until my adulthood. What I was taught is that if I do the right things and follow the rules I might get lucky. If I just color inside the lines and work hard I will get the happiness that I deserve. It’s always been a requirement to do x, y, and z or to walk the straight line with your head down to reach success. I honestly thought it was luck or chance or something completely out of my control. Turns out that I was wrong and so was all the people in my life from birth to now that told me I would find happiness once I graduated college or got married or had kids or found the perfect job or my purpose or God. Sure, those things can add to your happiness, but ultimately happiness won’t ever be attained through who is in your life or what you have in your life.

It has taken me 37 years to figure out that everything I have been told was just frankly a line of shit. I am finally seeing that the energy of those around me greatly affects my own energy. When I was surrounded only by people who complained and never had good things to say about anyone or anything I was also negative seeing those perspectives as my own. Energy is contagious whether it be bad or good. I remember my ex saying “We have bad luck.” It was constantly the universe not giving us what we were entitled to. To the point that I wasn’t even grateful when I got a front parking spot at Walmart. Instead I was saying “Oh look now I’m using up all my good luck for this week.” with a sigh and a slight laugh. Once I started to be around people that are more positive and look for good even in the hard I realized it became very difficult for me to always be the “Debbie downer” or “negative Nancy” all the time. It was unsettling at first that these positive people were just…happy. No offense but there wasn’t anything different about their lives, hell some of them were having problems with relationships or family or kids, but somehow they still had this point of view that was overwhelmingly optimistic. I found it odd that I was never challenged to rethink my perspective by the negative people in my life, but suddenly these positive people were challenging me to rethink everything around me and to start looking for good.

This past year should’ve broken me, and a couple of years I would’ve allowed it to without too much of a fight. There aren’t many people who are able to handle going through a tumultuous divorce, self harm and suicidal ideation, hospitalization of their child for 20 weeks, work through their own trauma and abuse, work full time, and raise three kids with no family nearby, their dad moving away and forgoing responsibility to them financially , physically and emotionally, start a healthy relationship, battle through court hearings, mediation, and custody disputes, and coordinate all the chaos that comes with three kids as a single(ish) parent doing most of the to and from on their own. Hell, honestly pick two and have them coincide and even with support I’m sure it would be difficult. Yet somehow I’m still here standing and not just surviving with caffeine, chaos, cuss words, and crazy meds, but have thrived.

It isn’t over, life is full of surprises. I could get bulldozed by life at any point, but I’m sure of one thing I’m going to fight and I will get back up. Again. Again. And yes, again. I don’t quit when it gets hard. I survived this year with A LOT of therapy. I survived with positive people in my corner challenging me to find the silver lining of every situation. I had the people around me that were supposed to be cheering for me. I didn’t have people wallowing with me in my dark moments. Sometimes I was angry and sad and just needed to scream and cry and say how unfair it was. It was. I could have those moments but I didn’t live there for long. I have an amazing job, a healthy relationship with a positive and supportive person {who is beyond patient} and a great therapist. I have three kids who are working on themselves and who are all accomplishing their goals while they heal. I have an amazing bonus kid who calls me just to check in. A dad and a brother who always come through when I need them regardless if they are busy and live 600 miles away. I have managed to get a promotion and a raise. I have started a blog and established a Facebook and Instagram page that have gained a following. I am realizing my dreams and allowing myself to go for them. I am loving myself more and finding my own path to happiness.

I’m learning that happiness doesn’t happen to you, you make happiness happen in your life. I’m learning that how I spend each day is how my life as a whole will be spent. I am my own obstacle between the life I have and the life I ultimately want. It’s not going to just happen and it’s time I stop waiting around for something amazing to just come my way and bring the amazing to myself. The head game is as important as the physical actions. With mental illness it’s a little more difficult to learn to be present, not overthink, and to enjoy the now. My anxiety is next level some days and it seems that no matter how much I try my brain is bound and determined to over analyze every single thing going on. As important as it is to challenge the facts of the thoughts and conclusions I come to, sometimes I have to be ok with having an off day or being in my emotions. I’m not perfect so that standard is not my goal.

I would be naive if I said my goal was to be happy everyday of my life. It’s unrealistic and just not ever going to be a reality. My goal is to be content with where I am right now. I want to be able to sit with my feelings whether those are good or bad and allow myself to acknowledge them, but let them go not allow them the power over my entire day. I am competing against the me I was yesterday and trying to improve each day. I choose to stay positive and continue to allow my happiness to be the driving factor towards why I do or don’t do things. I choose gratitude for the good and am open to learn from what the bad has to teach me. That’s why I chose to do the #100happydays challenge. I want to focus on my happiness as I know if I’m happy I can speak that into others. ☮️❤️😊~M