Tag: #keepthefaith

Posted on by — 1 Comment

Go Get Your Goals!

I thought about just giving up on my goals and then thought twice about how important my goals are to me. If I could just give up on my goals so easily, did I really want to reach these goals? YES! I want to reach my goals. My goals are too important for me to just call it quits 3 months into the new year. I have decided to revamp my resolutions and go get my goals. I am going to share with you how I plan to do this and I hope this will inspire someone else ready to flush their goals down the drain some motivation to join in on the challenge. 

Goal Getter’s Guide to Revamp and Revise your 2022 Resolutions

 

I should be ready to call it quits and throw in the towel on the year and all the goals I wanted to focus on in 2022. Afterall, four hospitalizations for two of my threefold since starting 2022, would be enough to make even the most stable people go completely bat shit crazy. YET…here I am in all of my trauma drama bipolar momma bear glory ready to take the second quarter of this year by the horns and reclaim my new year!

The new year did not start off with the momentum, fire, and future forward trajectory I had planned for. I was not expecting the chaos to commence right out of the gate, but hey, you get what you get and you can’t throw a fit! {you can but it won’t help} So I’m calling shenanigans and saying I’m going to start this year over! Anyone else?

Obviously, I’m not a time traveler who has the ability to go back to January 1st and start over, but I can restart today. I truly believe this is where so many people lose track of their vision. It’s so easy for us to say ‘screw it, I haven’t gotten to my milestone goal so I should just quit.’ I’ve done it a million times. That mindset kept me stagnant. It’s time for that to change! We need to fix the mindset that says it’s ok to give up when we aren’t where we thought we’d be. How?

Finding a Better Way to Achieve Goals

How many times are we going to set ourselves up to fail before we change the plan? Many times failure is not from the inability to accomplish the goals you’ve set or a lack of resources to achieve those goals. I’ve determined that failure is found when we choose to make our excuses bigger than our motivation is to be successful. The key is to set goals with a vision for your life in mind.

I’m not good at keeping myself accountable for my progress. This usually leads to excuses or blaming external sources for my failure. I’ve found that it’s really easy to fail when you set yourself up to fail beforehand. An internal dialogue that is negative and is constantly triggering your self doubt in your abilities will lead to you stopping to believe in yourself before you can even get any momentum.

What is your Vision?

Create a vision for your life. I know that is easier said than done, but knowing what you want is the first step to getting there. This is how I plan to create my vision for my life.

Creating the Vision to Determine your Goals

  • Write what I want my life to look like. Go into detail about everything I want for my life to be.
    • The first is the overall vision for my life.
    • Next, I will create a vision for the next 3-5 years.
    • Finally I will create a vision for this year. 
  • Create a vision board. This can be done as a cluster method with words, your own doodles or pictures of things that you relate to your dream life.
  • Determine which areas of my life I need to set goals in to achieve my vision. These are my 6 areas that I feel encompass my overall life. Feel free to add your own and edit these to fit your vision. Rank them in accordance to the importance of your ability to fulfill your vision.
    1. Family
    2. Love
    3. Self Care
    4. Creativity
    5. Work
    6. Financial
    7. Social Circle
  • Create achievable goals in each area that you feel are necessary to reach your end result or vision. Making sure these goals are dependant on your action and not the actions of others are key. 

Action Plan

Now that we know what we want it’s time to create a plan to get there! It’s easier to say you want to have x, y, and z, but how you plan to achieve those goals is key. Create an action plan that you can track and grade yourself on. This will allow you to breakdown these goals into action items that require you to take steps towards the goals and your vision for your life. If you can create a goal, you can create an action plan to reach that goal. When making my action plan I used the following template that you are able to use or edit to individualize your action plan.

  • What is the goal?
  • What do I need to achieve this goal? 
  • How much time will I need to invest to achieve this goal?
  • What is my contribution to this goal going to be?
  • What are my milestones?
  • When do I plan to have this goal accomplished?
  • Daily steps I plan to take to reach my goal?

Tracking Progess of Goals

It’s important to be able to track your progress. When we keep ourselves accountable to our goals we can more easily see what steps are working in our favor and which need to be revamped to better serve our success. I choose to track my progress on a weekly basis. This allows me to see what I’m doing right and what I am doing not so right each week. This will help to fine tune my action plan and see what aspects of my action plan are working for me and what aspects are working against me. This will keep me accountable to my plan for success. 

Each month, I will do a more thorough review to make sure I am on the path that leads me to my desired results. This is why I feel it’s important to have milestone goals. If we are hitting milestone goals then we are on the right path to hitting the target goal. If we aren’t then it’s time to see why and reflect on what actions we didn’t take or didn’t work.

Part of the accountability is in grading your progress. Much like when you get a report card in school, this well help you to grade your action plan to the progress you are making towards your goal. Much like what I’ve seen in many other goal plans, books, and guides, I have adopted the grading method as a way to make sure what I am doing is working. If I set a goal and have the action items, the action items will be what I grade. If I have five action items then I should be able to easily track which items I completed and how much momentum those action items will have in my forward trajectory. 

goals

Don’t Give Up on Your Goals!

We have to remember that this is all trial and error. Cut yourself some slack, but not too much. It’s important to remember that if it were easy we would have had it. If it were easy then everyone would be doing it. If it were easy it wouldn’t be near as exciting when you achieve it. Keep yourself motivated with the milestone goals, don’t allow them to be your excuse to not continue towards the goal. 

In addition, we tend to have  an ‘all or none’ attitude towards reaching goals. We tend to put so much pressure on ourselves that we believe one misstep means that all progress is lost. There is a correlation between repeated mistakes andfailure, but I believe if we can evaluate our actions objectively and see our mistakes as stepping stones towards the goal vs. away from the goal we can accomplish anything. It’s all dependent on how much you want it. If it’s really important to you, then you will do anything to achieve it. Even if it means revamping how you thought you would get there.

 

Goal!

I have decided that if I chunk up my goals enough I should be able to reach my goals in a shorter period of time. Since this is my quarter new year, I have opted for the 90 day challenge approach to reach my goals. I will set goals that are attainable in 90 days. 90 days is long enough to do just about anything. This way by the end of the year I will have met my goals and be well on my way to the vision I have created for the year, five years, and my life in general.

Each 90 days I will set new goals and measure my success. Follow along on this goal getter journey and lets keep each other accountable and headed towards the vision we have created for ourselves. I want to hear your goals and see your progress too! Sign up for the 90 day Goal Getters Challenge and receive a copy of my “Goal Getter’s Guide”, exclusive content related to the 90 Day Challenge including my personal goals for this challenge, a buy one get one free coupon for the stuff-n-things shop for My Threefold, AND a chance to win a $100 gift card at the end of 90 days! What do you have to lose? You can meet your goals, be in the goal getter gang, get free merch and win prizes along the way. SCORE! Your goals, my goals, together – we’ve got this! Stay positive!  ♥˜

 

Posted on by — 1 Comment

Being at Odds with a Child with O.D.D.

Oppositional defiance disorder is an often misunderstood mental disorder. it is perceived to be a child being a brat because they didn’t get their way. I get that, but there is always more to these fits and it’s all about a child’s inability to regulate, filter through and communicate their feelings. YES! O.D.D. Is selfish just like most mental disorders and illnesses are. These kids do act like brats and as parents we are pulling our hair out to figure out the fix to the problem.

If you have ever dealt with a child having an outburst and sat as they screamed at you ‘I wish you weren’t my mom!’ Then you might understand this illness more than you think. If you’ve ever been cussed out by a ten year old as they slam their fists into the wall then I feel your frustration. If you’ve ever sat and cried wondering what you did wrong to end up with a child acting this way then I know your pain. I too have sat silently biting my tongue as I wanted to throw a fit that matched the ferocity of my child. I also have looked in her eyes as she stared blankly at me as she told me that she wished I was dead. I’ve cried the tears of hurt from those words and fought against my feelings of anger towards my child for being so spiteful and disrespectful. I’ve also held the child as she cried after and loved her through the crash of the comedown. It’s not fair.

As a mom to my threefold who all suffer from mental disorders and illnesses, I know the pain, fear, challenge, and chaos that comes from Mommin’ mental illness. It ain’t easy! You are THAT mom. Being THAT mom means you deal with the judgment, scrutiny, and guilt that results from your child’s illness. You are also THAT mom who is willing to try just about whatever to take away the pain your child experiences and find a path to peace for all of you. Being THAT mom means going above and beyond for your child, advocating for them, seeking help, and learning about the issues they are experiencing and how to mom mental illness better.

Oppositional defiance disorder is just one disorder that two of my threefold suffer from. It also may be one of the most difficult that I manage. Due to its aggressive and volatile nature and the violent behaviors that come with the uncontrollable anger it is often difficult to find the right way to parent this problem. At the end of the day I always try to find solutions that will help us shorten the outbursts and maintain safety during these situations. If I can pass along advice to other parents who are trying to find a way to manage mental illness by telling our story I will. The following will hopefully shed a little light on what oppositional defiance disorder is and how you can manage the meltdowns.

Understanding & Parenting Tips for Oppositional Defiance Disorder

What is O.D.D.?

Oppositional Defiance Disorder is a mental health disorder in which children are unable to regulate their emotions properly and display those behaviors through outbursts. These outbursts are often aggressive, violent, destructive and are marked by angry and vindictive actions. The behavior displayed is usually seemingly disproportionate to the situation that triggered the reaction and their age.

Oppositional Defiance Disorder is a disorder that affects roughly 16% of school aged children according to NAMI. Oppositional Defiance Disorder ranges in severity from mild to severe and the severity is dependent upon how many areas of life are affected. These different areas are family, social, and school environments. The severity is also determined by the frequency and intensity of the outbursts.

Diagnosis

Determining if your child has O.D.D. requires a diagnosis from a mental health professional after an assessment of their behavior and a thorough history of the behavior from parents, teachers, and if possible the child exhibiting the behaviors. Usually a history of one or more outbursts per week that are not age or situation appropriate is the largest determining factor in a O.D.D. diagnosis.

A thorough family history of mental health disorders and illnesses along with any other behaviors or symptoms the child may display can help the evaluation to find the proper diagnosis for your child. O.D.D. is often linked to others disorders and illnesses that need treatment and to be addressed in addition to the anger. Childhood trauma, parenting, stress, bullying and lack of control of environmental factors can also be found to be root issues that have your child unable to express or comprehend the complex emotions they are having. Mental illnesses such as mood disorders, ADHD, anxiety, and PTSD are also linked to oppositional defiance disorder. Therefore an evaluation would bring more understanding as a parent to what factors are playing into your child’s behavior.

What is an Outburst?

If you don’t know what an anger outburst is then you probably don’t have a child with O.D.D. A child with O.D.D. can get irrationally angry and aggressive when a parent denies the child’s request for candy before dinner. They could react in a violent manner when asked to complete simple tasks. Disrespectful and vindictive behavior can be shown when a teacher redirects the child from continuing talking out of turn. A rage fueled argument could arise with a friend of when the child feels that the friend is not following their interpretation of the rules. This emotional ineptitude is expected in children younger than five, but beyond that age they should have began to filter their emotions and communicate them in a healthier way.

If you think of a toddler who throws a tantrum when you remove a toy from their hand or say no that would be similar to how a child reacts who has O.D.D. ‘Don’t take candy from a baby’ comes to mind as the type of fit a small child has. While it’s understandable that a two year old throws themselves on the floor, hits, screams or cries in response, it is not acceptable for a ten year old to throw a fit like that in response to a similar undesirable outcome. ‘Don’t cry over spilled milk’ would be a good example of the triggered response of a child with O.D.D. has to unwanted outcomes and minor inconveniences.

Outbursts consistent with those seen in oppositional defiance disorder often involve the following characteristics:

  • Extreme anger out of proportion to the situation.
  • Yelling, screaming, and crying.
  • Destruction of property
  • Cursing or other obscene language
  • Hitting and kicking objects or others in their space.
  • Throwing objects at others or in the vicinity.
  • Berating the person who has redirected, reprimanded or refused the child.
  • Manipulative, spiteful, and vindictive behavoids exhibited.
  • Self harm or threats of suicide.
  • Lack of care of consequences given or stated.

Parenting the Problem and Seeking Support

I know how challenging parenting any child can be at times, but it’s a completely different ballgame when you have a child who suffers from any form of mental health disorder or illness. An explosive and potentially violent or aggressive child is anxiety inducing for everyone involved and can feel hopeless for a parent who is trying to handle this behavior. It’s important that you are aware of the possible triggers, the surroundings for safety and how you can help to deescalate the outburst quickly and effectively.

As a mom to two children who were diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder at the age of eight and nine, I am going to give you my do’s and don’ts for managing the meltdowns that come with oppositional defiance disorder. These are merely my experiences, my understanding, and the suggestions I was given from articles, books, therapists, and parenting coaches.

What DIDN’T Work

I would’ve tried just about anything to stop the spiral that consumed my daughters and I multiple times each week. I didn’t want to feel like the failing mom who couldn’t control her kids. I would’ve paid anyone to step in and just ‘fix’ the issue. I was tired and nothing seemed to be working. I tried to find the fix, but everything I was doing seemed to trigger my child. I would beg for a quiet day and walk on eggshells in my own home to keep the peace at home. Many of the things I tried didn’t help but instead only intensified or lengthened the outburst. I felt like I had a tiny tyrant in my home who was holding my family and I hostage. She expected us to all bend to her will. I don’t recommend the following actions when trying to overcome the outbursts of O.D.D. :

  • DON’T give in! Don’t give your child what they want to avoid the outburst. Doing so will only cause them to use these outbursts to get their desired outcome quicker.
  • DON’T threaten without follow through! Do not threaten to ground them from electronics for a month knowing that’s a consequence you won’t uphold. Threats are empty and lead to lack of consideration of consequences.
  • DON’T scream or yell back. Do not engage in an argument. Do not match their behavior. Doing so will likely not only throw fuel on the fire but it will also demonstrate the behaviors you are trying to deter.
  • DON’T take it personally. Do not allow the spiteful words of your child become your truth. Your child doesn’t hate you or wish you weren’t their mom. They just want you to hurt as bad as they are in that moment.
  • DON’T leave your child unsupervised or with someone unprepared for the possibility of an outburst. Do not allow others who are uneducated about your child’s disorder to care for your child. Do not leave them unattended for lengthy amounts of time {more than 30 minutes} and not at all when experiencing an outburst.
  • DON’T react with aggression or physical punishment. I don’t disagree that you can protect your child from himself but don’t use corporal punishment to have the child comply with your commands during an outburst.
  • DON’T give them the attention for acting badly. Do not react or respond to their every distorted reaction, aggressive advance or their requests for you to do or stop doing whatever they are demanding of you in the moment. Giving attention to the negative behaviors will give them a sense of control over you. Attention whether positive or negative is still rewarding to a child with O.D.D.

What DID Work

Now that we have discussed what we shouldn’t do we can move on to the tips that may help you calm your child while having an outburst from O.D.D. I’ve tried these and although we haven’t completely eliminated the outbursts, I can say my ability to control myself and my reactions and understand the root cause has been extremely beneficial in managing the meltdown when it arises. I’m not going to pretend that O.D.D. is cured in my threefold, but it’s makes Mommin’ this mental illness a little more manageable than it was previously.

  • DO give your child consequences that you plan to uphold. When giving consequences make sure to speak to your child after the situation has calmed down. Ask your child ‘what consequences do you think you should get for acting this way?’ Take into consideration their age and the root cause and be firm that this is unacceptable behavior.
  • DO make sure to let them know that you love them. You don’t have to like their behavior, but you always love them.
  • DO let them know when they have hurt you. If they said something particularly nasty during the height of their anger then tell them later. You will most often hear them say they didn’t mean it. This will help them to see their behavior hurts you, but also their response can ease the sting of the words they said to hurt you.
  • DO attempt to keep the child away from other members of the family during the outburst. Safety is key for not only your child but anyone who could be impacted intentionally or unintentionally by the outburst. Keep other children in an area out of sight and earshot of the child having the outburst. One triggered child is enough, adding another could intensify the outburst making it even harder to manage.
  • DO cut yourself some slack. You’re there, trying to support them and help them through this. It takes a lot of patience and love to be the parent they feel safe to express the good, bad and ugly emotions to. It’s hard being the safe parent sometimes.
  • DO encourage open communication instead of acting out. Brainstorm ways you and your child can deescalate the situation together. Ask your child how you can help them best during their outbursts and if you can’t oblige offer an alternative.
  • DO promote healthy coping mechanisms for when these big feeling arise. What can your child do to calm down when they feel tgat they are becoming agitated?
  • DO hug your child and comfort them after they have calmed down. You don’t have to understand the behavior to offer compassion. They are still just a child who needs your comfort, because the guilt will be heavy for their behavior and they need to know you are going to love them through the hard parts.
  • DO tell your child what they did that was unacceptable and how you don’t reward bad behavior. Come up with ideas together of rewards for positive behaviors and talk about ways to earn those rewards.
  • DO set routines that your child can adhere to. Chores, homework, bedtime, and other obligations the child has should be scheduled along with the free time. Once the child becomes accustomed to a routine then they can mentally prepare for what they are supposed to do and when. This structure will allow your child to feel like they know what to expect as well as what is expected of them.
  • DO seek support from teachers and therapists, partners and siblings as you navigate. Communicate warning signs and solutions that work well for calming your child.
  • DO seek therapy as a way to help your child learn to better process and communicate their emotions. A therapist can help give you insight into the child’s behavior and also act as a safe place for your child to release troublesome emotions. The therapist can also help your child to develop coping mechanisms that they can use when they have intense emotions.

It’s important to understand that Mommin mental illness isn’t a one size fits all parenting style. You are the person who knows your child best. I would love to hear your tips and tricks for taming down the tiny tyrant who is terrorizing your home too! Share in the comments or send me an email at mythreefold@gmail.com

Mommin’ mental illness ain’t easy! Finding the balance between permissive parenting and authoritative parenting while maintaining awareness of mental illness is difficult to fine tune. Trauma informed parenting teaches us to be mindful of our children’s mental health and their current stressors while maintaining an authoritative approach. As a trauma drama bipolar momma bear I am uniquely familiar with how mental disorders like O.D.D. can make home sweet home leave a bitter taste in your mouth. It’s not going away, but staying consistent with your child is key. Stay patient and stay positive. You’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M

Resources:

  • NAMI.org
  • AACAP.org
  • Childmind.org
Posted on by — 2 Comments

Emotional Overwhelm

I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for the day. Every morning I sit and reflect on the day ahead. I try to remind myself of the good things that I have to look forward to and brace myself for the obstacles I will encounter. I am not doing a great job at seeing the good this morning. My anxiety is through the roof. I’m on edge and have been since the moment I opened my eyes.

I tossed and turned all night. I keep attempting to predict the potential outcomes of my next decision. I am mulling over and over analyzing every single detail. Going to court with a narcissist isn’t an easy decision to make. Deciding to fight against a narcissist in any scenario will lead to disruption in your life. Their manipulation and ability to sway people to their side is on another level. I’m not sure I can win this battle, but I feel like I definitely need to stand up and try.

My hope is that my narcissistic ex husband will see I’m not backing down. I’m praying that he will be too proud to allow his facade to be shattered in court and he will give in. Either way I’m not going to roll over, not this time. I may be anxious and scared to speak out in court against the man who has abused my threefold and I for years, but I know that I am stronger than I was two years ago when this all began. He can’t intimidate me into silence anymore. My truth and the truth of my threefold deserves a voice and my voice is the only one that can speak it.

If he settles with me now then I will breathe a sigh of relief, but if he doesn’t I will do whatever I have to do to protect my threefold. He can play games, tell lies, twist the truth, and try to manipulate the situation, but I feel I can show that I have been the best mom to my threefold while he has been only looking out for himself through this. I won’t lie to protect my image, as I know I’m not perfect, but the truth will destroy his image completely. Nothing is more threatening to the narcissist than exposure.

Send all the good vibes and positive energy my way. Pray for me or send the juju of positivity and calm to me. I’m scared out of my mind for this fight, but still I will keep fighting. I fight for my future. More importantly I am fighting for the future of my threefold. Here’s to hoping the fight is in my favor. In the meantime I’m trying to stay positive. I’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M

Posted on by — 4 Comments

Real Talk Realizations

Normally I’d have some inspirational post to start off the month. It would be part of my ‘Goal Getters’ series. It would mention all the goals I made and how I reached each one. I would give little hints to how you can also accomplish your goals with a ‘Goal Getter’ mindset like mine. It would be a fluff piece, full of positivity. It would have promised that with a few changes you can live the life you’ve been dreaming of and you can be the person you aspire to be. It would be inspirational.

THIS is NOT that piece. I’ve warned you. I have no inspirational tales of how I accomplished my goals and manifested my dream life during the month of January. I have no motivational speeches where I spit all the shit you should’ve done and shouldn’t have done. My positivity push was completely flushed down the drain when the new year began. I’m not sure why I had such a rocky start. I’m not sure where my ‘Goal Getter’ attitude and my motivational mantras went. I guess I left them in 2021 with everything else I learned last year. I know my negativity is not needed in your world either, but I promised to keep it real and this is as real as it gets. Real talk.

I had high hopes and high expectations for 2022. It was going to be the year everything started falling into place. It was supposed to be the year that I took the lessons from 2020 and 2021 and found my purpose. My plan was big, but is it too big? Maybe I still have a lot to learn if I’m going to give up on my dreams and my goals after 30 days. Who the hell am I? That’s not the girl with the grit and grind goal getter attitude. I’m NOT a quitter. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a quitter. What the hell is happening?

I wrote three pieces, THREE, about my funked up attitude. I was aware that I was not on the right path to achieve my goals. I wrote eleven pieces in January. Seven blog posts of the eleven were not positive entries. The others could be positive, but mainly focused more on the past. I posted on Facebook for my page ‘My Threefold’ more than 30 times in January. Most were snarky posts I made about mom-life and men. They did well when it came to getting likes. They had a lot of humor, sarcasm and relatable anecdotes, but they were mainly negative.

So here we are. A month into the new year and I’m pissed off. I’ve failed miserably at making this year the year I found my peace of mind and my happy ending. I’ve been patient. I’ve been positive {mostly} for a whole year. I’ve made the right decisions and done my best even when I was at my worst. Yet here I am, still. Searching for the lesson in all this stressing! I feel, defeated. I feel, cheated. I feel most of all like maybe I’m not ever going to get to the good part. I feel like something is missing. What have I missed? Why do I feel like this?

After a long time of self reflection and trying to find the missing piece I was still none the wiser. I know I’m impatient. I know I have been asking for a lot over the past year. I’ve received a lot, so I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I just need to know what gives? What do I need to do to make this year THE year? What more do I have to do to prove that I’m a good person who deserves to get to the good part? When do I get back some of what I’ve lost and get to live out my happily ever after fantasy? When? I’m asking with all the faith I have left!

I was sulking and pouting about life. I was mad at the world for not working with me. I was sitting in the cold, in my truck alone, feeling sorry for myself away from the eyes of my family and the ‘calm down’ that I would receive as a well meaning reply from ‘E’. I didn’t want or need him to tell me ‘it will all work out in time.’ No, I wanted my happiness now. I deserve it. That’s when I found it. The answer. The missing piece. Alone in my truck. With no one to blame for not realizing it but myself. It was obvious. Too simple.

What was I not doing? I realized I had been too busy worrying about what hadn’t happened. I was constantly waiting for the next thing to fall into place. I was setting all of these goals. I was even accomplishing many of them, but I was quickly moving to the next one. ‘What now? What next?’ I was doing everything I was supposed to do and I was getting everything I wanted. I was working for all of it. That is all true. I was going through all the motions, but I wasn’t allowing myself to feel the emotions. I wasn’t celebrating my accomplishments. I wasn’t looking at all the good that came with my accomplishments. I just went straight into my next challenge. I couldn’t see all the good that is right here, right now. I was too busy searching and waiting for the next thing to give me that quick fix of happiness. The truth is I wasn’t enjoying what I do have.

I’m not going to have it all at once. Hard happens even when we feel like we are doing everything right. Good happens even when we don’t see it. I don’t want to be so caught up in the grit and grind of goal getting that I forget the good that is happening all around me. So I’m skipping my ‘Goal Getter’ post for February. I will never stop working to be better, but I will start enjoying the person I am right now and the person I am becoming. I will celebrate my successes. I will be humble with a hint of Kanye about how there may not be an I in awesome, but there is me! I will choose to be happy with everything I have now and stop waiting for the good part. The good part is happening, and I’m too focused on the future to enjoy the present. That’s my new goal for 2022. When I accomplish that, I will have the year I set out to have. Stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M

Posted on by — 4 Comments

Pay it Forward

I don’t think I realized how much faith I had lost in humanity until this past year happened. Acts of kindness me doubt the ‘why’ behind the actions. I’be never been someone who admitted they needed help. I’ve been the type of girl who figured it out since becoming an adult. I became resourceful and I pride myself on my ability to always find a way. That saying ‘if there’s a will, there’s a way’ was written with me in mind.

If I need something or want something bad enough I am next to unstoppable. I’m persistent and stubborn as hell. I almost always get my way. That sounds like I’m an entitled brat, but what I mean is I work for it. I will grind and hustle. I will possibly pester the shit out of you about it, but eventually I will have what I want.

If you’ve been following and reading for a while you know that my family has faced some unique challenges over the past year. With a lot of strength and perseverance we made it through the hardest of times. When I say it’s been a struggle, I mean a struggle. There were times I doubted I was cut out for this job called mom. It’s not easy. That’s an understatement.

I found my faith in humanity this year. I found support in places I never would have thought. Even now, when things have begun to settle back to a manageable level of chaos, I am still receiving that support. Maybe it’s manifested, maybe it’s good karma, maybe it’s my mom looking out for me or God, I’m not sure. I just know that whatever it is I can only say that I am so grateful.

When we were at our lowest, my company donated $2000 to our family to help with expenses. A ‘go fund me’ campaign raised another $2000. My company also provided our family with over $500 in gift cards so that we would have gas money, groceries, and be able to afford to go out to eat on occasion. My boss has paid #2 every week for the little bit of work she does at our office after school, since she has to come to work with me in the afternoons after school due to her safety plan. My boss also bought #2 a homecoming dress when he and his fiancé found out we would going on our thrift shop scavenger hunt.

Last but certainly not least, is our new friend, Karthik. There was a time before the ‘go fund me’ and before the company donations that I was struggling and in a bad way. I had gone to a gas station and crossed my fingers as I swiped my card. Declined. That day Karthik put $20 of gas in my car. I didn’t ask. He just saw my desperation probably. I just needed to get to the day patient program #2 was going to at the time to pick her up. I was too prideful to ask for help, even from my own family. Karthik, just did it. No questions asked.

We frequent this gas station regularly now. We go nearly every afternoon after school on my way back to work. #2 says Karthik is her best friend. He is an amazing friend to us. He always make #2 get herself an extra treat, he asks if we need anything, he gives us hot plates, and we are always the first people he asks to try his latest creation. He refuses our money more often than not these days. When I try to pay he just voids my sale. I don’t know why he is so nice to us. He is always friendly and happy to see us. He never asks for anything in return. #2 even had me take her the night of homecoming so she could get a picture with him before the dance. He was ‘honored’.

These strangers that have come into our lives and lifted us up when we were at our lowest have restored our faith in the goodness that people have. I pay it forward as often as I can. I don’t think it’s right to receive without giving it back. I feel you have to put it back into the universe, that good it gives to you, as often as you can in order to keep the good flowing. Not everyone has an ulterior motive. Some people are just kind. Pay if forward. Stay Positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M

Karthik and #2 on homecoming wearing the beautiful dress my boss purchased for her.