Tag: #newme

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The Over IT Over Haul…My Decision to Make 2023 For Me!

There is a song that plays incessantly on the radio. You’ve heard it either via TikTok, your own indulgence in pop music or because your children also control your play list when in the car. If not, then consider an upbeat tune that has a happy and fast pace beat. Once you’ve got that down, listen to the words. “Do you ever get a little bit tired of life? Like you’re not really happy but you don’t wanna die?” That’s the one. The song, entitled, “Numb Little Bug” by Em Beihold.

If it wasn’t a hypothetical question I would scream from the rooftops; “YES!” However, it is hypothetical, and no one actually cares when a mom says “I’m over it!”

Honestly, that phrase is a daily mantra spoken at my house, and expletives can be added for a more realistic and dramatic impact where needed. I’ve decided, therefore, I’m in need of an over haul. Welcome to my over it over haul and my decision to make 2023 for ME!

Over What? Over IT!

I am so over “it”! Over what? All of it. The constant battle for balance. The incessant worry. My insecurity. Obsessing over money, kids, and work. I am exhausted. I have completely pushed myself to burn out. I am burnt out and ready to burn it down to the ground. It’s time for an overhaul. An over it over haul!

Imperfect and Inspired

I’m getting absolutely nowhere waiting for everything to stop being so difficult. I’m not perfect, but this “all or none” attitude I have adopted is hindering my ability to make the changes I need to and stick with them. If change is what needs to take place, then I’m where it has to take place.

I’m an old fan of the quote “BE the change you want to see…” A quote that came from an interpretation of Gandhi’s quote about being a mirror to the world.

Another inspirational quote that I use often to motivate me to be more present and positive is, “You can’t wait for life to not be hard anymore, before you decide to be happy!” Which is a quote from Jane Marczewski. In addition, it is one that reminds me of my brother, as he introduced me to this quote amidst some an extremely difficult time for me.

You may remember a previous post I wrote back in 2021. It was entitled Journey to Positivity. My other creation was my Goal Getter Guide, in which I shared how I managed to reach my goals despite the challenging circumstances that were complicating my daily life.

Overhaul Objectives

The previous posts I have written and the steps I took prior to this point are all relevant to this process. They were designed to help me level up and guide me through my journey. They served me well. This overhaul is designed to help rediscover that path. I am looking to realign with my desires. I am looking for opportunities, risks, and actions I need to take in order to make forward progress towards catching my dreams; not just chasing them.

Now, I am giving the objectives I plan to accomplish with this overhaul. I’ll say that healing and self growth are an evolving process. I am constantly thinking of ways I can better myself as a person, be more content, and how I can keep momentum in my self-awareness journey. There is no “quick fix,” and life doesn’t come with an “easy” button.

Objectives

  • Realign with my purpose, goals, and desires.
  • Find a routine/schedule that is prioritizing my needs and allowing balance in all aspects of my life.
    • Selfcare
    • Family
    • Marriage
    • Hobbies
  • Set and achieve goals that are important for my continued success.
  • Create more opportunities for my future and the future of my family.
  • Communicate with an openess to receive criticism, improve, and to grow.
  • Continued healing and mental health improvement
  • Finding peace of mind, contentment, and positivity by silencing the inner critic.
  • Create solutions to the problems that weigh on me that are in my control.
  • Learn to better control my emotions, my reactions, and my assumptions.

Forward Trajectory

In short, I am capable of making changes to reach my desired destination. I am stubborn. I am competitive, and I am driven to be the best version of myself for myself and also for those around me. I am particularly passionate about my self growth and healing journey. I will accomplish my goals. I am deserving of more than what I give to myself. I am in control of my narrative, my attitude, my actions, and reactions. I am ultimately responsible for overhauling any behavior that is not aligned with my desired path.

Now I plan. I will let you know how I propose to meet these objectives and reignite my passion without burning out. It’s time to say “I’m in it” and not “I’m over it.” Therefore, I’m ready for this overhaul. I wish you all the peace, love, and happiness in your journey! Check in on Facebook for my daily updates on the over it overhaul. As always, me and you, we’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊 ~M

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Making Magic Out of Misery:

My least favorite line that people tend to say about divorce is that it’s the ‘easy’ way out. If you think it’s easy, then please go ahead and get one so you can tell me that again in eighteen months when it’s still being held up in court! I don’t think anyone goes into a marriage planning for divorce. It’s also not an easy decision. You don’t have one fight or one bad day and just up and leave. There are a million fights and a ton of bad days. There is trial and error and failure. It’s not a clear cut decision. Deciding to divorce is agonized about and completely anxiety inducing.

I waited far too long to get divorced. I stayed much longer than I should have. I heard the ‘do it for the kids’ and the ‘you made a vow’. Those words were the ones that kept me in an emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially abusive relationship for too long. I was more worried about disappointing my family. I didn’t want to hurt my kids. I didn’t want to just give up because things got hard. Somewhere in all of the years and through the all the worst times I lost not only my self worth, my self respect, and my whole identity. I couldn’t even see the abuse that was not only being inflicted on me, but that I was complicit in with my threefold.

Looking back now, I don’t even recognize that person. I was just a shell of a person and I had no hope for anything better or different for my threefold and I. It still amazes me that I found the strength within to get out and stay out. I left with nothing other than a small hope that there was something more to life than what I had with him. I had to believe that I could be happy again eventually and that we deserved a chance to find it. I realized that the only way to get there was to leave.

A New Year’s resolution nearly two years ago was my first step towards finding a path forward. My decision was made by a random song on the radio playing ‘radio roulette’ with my threefold. Radio roulette is a game we play where the next song that plays on the radio is ‘your song’ and that’s your theme for the day, night, month, or year. When ‘Lose You to Love Me’ came on I knew exactly in that moment that regardless how silly and laughable our little game was, it was a sign telling me to walk away. I decided that if within six months there wasn’t a massive change, I would leave. Things only deteriorated more rapidly and I walked away after thirteen years, with three boxes, and my threefold. It was the hardest and best decision I’ve had to make, but it was the only choice if my threefold and I ever wanted more than a hand to mouth life filled with candy coated cruelty.

I didn’t hit the door and have some major change instantly happen in my life. Happiness wasn’t waiting for me just outside the door. I didn’t walk into a happily ever after life when I left that day. In fact, I walked into the most challenging year of my life. I walked into a battle for my threefold, for their lives, literally, for my rights, for our freedom. I walked into insecurities in every aspect of life. I was broke and broken. I was starting over and all I wanted was a do over, a chance to do it better.

This past year and a half I discovered one big key element to finding happiness-contentment. Do not confuse contentment with settling, it’s not settling. Contentment is finding satisfaction and the happiness will follow. I’ll always want more for myself and for my family. That determination to always find the happiness in my life won’t stop until I do. However, I am content with knowing that it’s mine to create. The happiness is all around me and it always was inside of me. I’m satisfied knowing there is so much more out there waiting for me to discover. There always was, I just couldn’t see it because I believed the lies that said I wouldn’t have anything, do anything, and I wasn’t worth more than what I had.

After reflecting back nearly two years after making that new year’s resolution to discover myself and find my happiness. I see my growth. Here I am. Happy. I can say that with confidence. I’m happy. It’s not always easy, but it was a choice. I’m now content with my life, but still I am striving for better. I have my threefold, our new blended family, the person I always dreamed of having by my side, but never knew existed and an endless amount of possibilities ahead for all of us.

As I sit preparing my New Year’s resolutions for the coming year, I know that I am capable of amazing feats even amongst the challenges that will be faced in the coming year. I’ve managed to make magic happen out of the misery we once settled with. If I was capable of that throughout this year, next year will be a piece of pie! Those capabilities and that determination didn’t come the decision to leave, it came from the battles I fought along the way in search of my happiness and a better life. I didn’t come this far to back down and I won’t give up on my goals. I’m a bad ass goal getter! You should be one too! Start preparing for your big New Year’s resolutions NOW! I don’t think anyone else is less capable than I am of achieving their goals. You deserve to find your happiness. Look for the good! Stay positive ! You’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M