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The Over IT Over Haul…My Decision to Make 2023 For Me!

There is a song that plays incessantly on the radio. You’ve heard it either via TikTok, your own indulgence in pop music or because your children also control your play list when in the car. If not, then consider an upbeat tune that has a happy and fast pace beat. Once you’ve got that down, listen to the words. “Do you ever get a little bit tired of life? Like you’re not really happy but you don’t wanna die?” That’s the one. The song, entitled, “Numb Little Bug” by Em Beihold.

If it wasn’t a hypothetical question I would scream from the rooftops; “YES!” However, it is hypothetical, and no one actually cares when a mom says “I’m over it!

Honestly, that phrase is a daily mantra spoken at my house, and expletives can be added for a more realistic and dramatic impact where needed. I’ve decided, therefore, I’m in need of an over haul. Welcome to my over it over haul and my decision to make 2023 for ME!

Over What? Over IT!

I am so over “it”! Over what? All of it. The constant battle for balance. The incessant worry. My insecurity. Obsessing over money, kids, and work. I am exhausted. I have completely pushed myself to burn out. I am burnt out and ready to burn it down to the ground. It’s time for an overhaul. An over it over haul!

Imperfect and Inspired

I’m getting absolutely nowhere waiting for everything to stop being so difficult. I’m not perfect, but this “all or none” attitude I have adopted is hindering my ability to make the changes I need to and stick with them. If change is what needs to take place, then I’m where it has to take place.

I’m an old fan of the quote “BE the change you want to see…” A quote that came from an interpretation of Gandhi’s quote about being a mirror to the world.

Another inspirational quote that I use often to motivate me to be more present and positive is, “You can’t wait for life to not be hard anymore, before you decide to be happy!” Which is a quote from Jane Marczewski. In addition, it is one that reminds me of my brother, as he introduced me to this quote amidst some an extremely difficult time for me.

You may remember a previous post I wrote back in 2021. It was entitled Journey to Positivity. My other creation was my Goal Getter Guide, in which I shared how I managed to reach my goals despite the challenging circumstances that were complicating my daily life.

Overhaul Objectives

The previous posts I have written and the steps I took prior to this point are all relevant to this process. They were designed to help me level up and guide me through my journey. They served me well. This overhaul is designed to help rediscover that path. I am looking to realign with my desires. I am looking for opportunities, risks, and actions I need to take in order to make forward progress towards catching my dreams; not just chasing them.

Now, I am giving the objectives I plan to accomplish with this overhaul. I’ll say that healing and self growth are an evolving process. I am constantly thinking of ways I can better myself as a person, be more content, and how I can keep momentum in my self-awareness journey. There is no “quick fix,” and life doesn’t come with an “easy” button.

Objectives

  • Realign with my purpose, goals, and desires.
  • Find a routine/schedule that is prioritizing my needs and allowing balance in all aspects of my life.
    • Selfcare
    • Family
    • Marriage
    • Hobbies
  • Set and achieve goals that are important for my continued success.
  • Create more opportunities for my future and the future of my family.
  • Communicate with an openess to receive criticism, improve, and to grow.
  • Continued healing and mental health improvement
  • Finding peace of mind, contentment, and positivity by silencing the inner critic.
  • Create solutions to the problems that weigh on me that are in my control.
  • Learn to better control my emotions, my reactions, and my assumptions.

Forward Trajectory

In short, I am capable of making changes to reach my desired destination. I am stubborn. I am competitive, and I am driven to be the best version of myself for myself and also for those around me. I am particularly passionate about my self growth and healing journey. I will accomplish my goals. I am deserving of more than what I give to myself. I am in control of my narrative, my attitude, my actions, and reactions. I am ultimately responsible for overhauling any behavior that is not aligned with my desired path.

Now I plan. I will let you know how I propose to meet these objectives and reignite my passion without burning out. It’s time to say “I’m in it” and not “I’m over it.” Therefore, I’m ready for this overhaul. I wish you all the peace, love, and happiness in your journey! Check in on Facebook for my daily updates on the over it overhaul. As always, me and you, we’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊 ~M

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The Christmas Comedown

The Christmas Comedown, otherwise known as post holiday dysfunction at my home. I wrote about something similar last year and called that post The After Christmas Crash. I must not be alone in this aftermath effect of the hustle and bustle that leaves us feeling a bit like a deflated balloon after a party. Obviously, it is a reoccurring event that now I must find my way through each year.

Post Holiday Dysfunction

This is not a diagnosis in the DSM or even an actual medical term in any way. Its just my description of the feeling that comes after being hyped on Christmas cheer, chaos, and anxiety for weeks and then suddenly the crash happens. We are no longer amped up with this adrenaline, increased serotonin, or oxytocin that our bodies have produced to get us to Christmas day. The side effects of our bodies not producing the same amount of chemicals that our crazy Christmas countdown did leave us feeling in a slump.

The hustle bustle of the holiday season is what keeps us going. The days right before we are overstimulated and overwhelmed with all of our to-do lists. However, the days after, it’s almost like we are missing something. In my opinion, we are. We are lacking those stress responses that keep us energized enough to wrap 27 gifts in the early morning hours. We know longer have the alarm bells of moving elves, finding that last minute deal, or scheduling the seven Christmas visits we need to make.

Substitution or Satisfaction

As a mom, I know, there is always the next thing to start doing. Eventually, a new problem to solve will arise or a child will have something else for us to figure out. The slump of emptiness and unmotivated restlessness will fade away probably sooner than we realize. In the meantime, we are forced to find a way to either substitute the lack of endorphins or find a way to be satisfied with the slower pace.

Substitution

I will be the first to admit that relaxing and just allowing things to settle isn’t my strong suit. I wish it was. I’d love to be more like my husband who can find peace in a TV remote and a comfortable bed. For me, I’m looking for the next thing I need to do.

I don’t just relax very often. I feel restless, stagnant and pretty irritated when there is nothing to do. I can also admit that although I don’t want to get out, I want to not sit still. I don’t want to clean my house, but I want some tasks to do. I’m not sure that makes sense. However, I think that is me thinking that doing nothing is equal to laziness. I know there are many things I could do, but I am just looking to procrastinate those as I wait for the motivational push to actually get them done. That usually only comes with those stress chemicals our brains release when our back is against the wall.

Instead of relaxing into the moment, I overthink myself into this ball of stress and irritation. I find the fight instead of just allowing the battles won to be celebrated. I look for the substitution in order to get the fix of adrenaline and endorphins that my body became accustom to receiving during the stressful holiday season.

Satisfaction

Contentment is one of those things I long for, but to be honest, it also sounds boring. I want a lot, I expect a lot, and I do a lot to try to get what I want. However, I do want to learn to be present and just enjoy the now. I don’t want to plan out the next 5 years daily nor make lists of all the things I need to accomplish. I don’t want to plan for unlikely hypothetical situations or assume the worst. Hello anxiety. I want to be able to just be. No strings attached. Unfortunately, this is a skill that has been elusive to me for years.

I should be counting my blessings, celebrating my wins for this year, and enjoying some time where the kids all are happy and content playing with their new gifts and gadgets. How do I curtail this Christmas Comedown and post holiday dysfunction?

Combatting Christmas Comedown

You guessed it. My own concoction of how to combat this Christmas Comedown.

  • Take some time to do something for yourself.
    • Meditate
    • Buy yourself a gift
    • Read, write, or take a nap.
  • Enjoy time with family
  • Accomplish a to-do you’ve been putting off.
  • Get out of the house for fun instead of out of necessity.
  • Celebrate your wins.
  • Go on a date.
  • Exercise.
  • Meet up with a friend.
  • Have a dance party or scaryeoke.

The short and long of it is to do something fun both for yourself and with others. Enjoy your holiday successes or just celebrate that you survived another Christmas! Either way, it’s done and we have nearly a whole year before we have to be all Christmas Carol, the elf moving, Christmas magic making, PTO participating, merry and bright decking the halls Santa’s helpers again. Count your blessings. As always, we’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M

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What I Wish My Kids Knew Now

What I wish my kids knew? Phew. A LOADED question for most moms, I think. Mommin’ ain’t easy and my crazy train is on the bipolar express, which makes our lives extra complicated. I’ve got a list, so I figured I share it with my tribe. Ready or not. Here are all the things I wish my kids knew about me, their momma.

My Wishlist

  1. I’m only human. I make mistakes. I mess up. I forget important stuff. I lose track of time. I am just a regular person who is imperfect like they are.
  2. I am inspired, motivated, and intrigued by them. I am in awe of the masterpieces of these little creations.
  3. They hurt my feelings. The mean words, the hurtful actions, or disrespectful behavior genuinely hurts me. They cut me the deepest.
  4. I want to protect them. Sometimes from others, but sometimes from themselves. I hurt when they hurt.
  5. I cry for them, I worry for them, and I obsess over every single decision that will affect them.
  6. All of them are my favorite. Some days it’s my oldest, other days my middle or my youngest. Some days it’s all three. They all hung the moon in my eyes, so there are no trophies for “favorite”.
  7. They make me better. I wouldn’t be who I am without them, individually or collectively. They have changed me in ways they will never recognize.
  8. They’ve saved my life more times than I can count. I struggle with mental illness and I admit I have had many times where I wanted to give up. I’ve always fought through because of them.
  9. I have trauma, too. I have a messy and complicated history. I’m damaged, broken, and haunted by my past. My struggle is just as difficult for me, however, I’m healing.
  10. My life doesn’t revolve around being a mom. I am more than just that title. It’s not always about them. It can’t be.
  11. My frustration is not their burden to carry.
  12. Being the primary parent who is responsible for every aspect of three human lives is extremely difficult. I may not be “single”, but I am the main source of support emotionally, financially and physically.
  13. I pray everyday for them.
  14. I believe in them more than they will ever know. I don’t want to see them struggle. I try to ease that struggle each day.
  15. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right there for every moment until the day I die. Beyond that…it will be in the music.
  16. I always love them, but sometimes I really don’t like them.
  17. I’m sorry for every minute of pain, hurt, trauma, and horror they ever lived. My mom guilt is heavy, and I swear to never allow them to experience any more of that pain.

In My Feelings

I’m not crying! You’re crying! Shut up. <sniffle> Don’t look at me! My experience, their lives, and our family gets me in my feelings sometimes. Not to mention, this momma is exhausted in every way imaginable. Between hospital admissions for 2 and now 3. To the new baby on the way. My vehicle deciding that she has had enough of us, and working all the damn time, it gets very hard.

One day, when these babies have babies they’ll get that we weren’t joking when we said mommin’ ain’t easy! I’m sure you have a few to add to the list! Feel free to share your thoughts on what I missed or missed the mark on! In the meantime, we’ve got this, all of us! Because, that’s what we do! ☮️❤️😊~M

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Aim For Progress NOT Perfection!

As promised, I am going to share a step in the Goal Getter’s Guide that sets the tone for my entire day and can be beneficial for everyone else reading too. Having a morning routine! A morning routine is just what you would think it is and whether you realize it or not you already have one. I’m simply suggesting you become more intentional about that routine! It’s easier said than done {believe me I know!} If you’re routine is a mess and there is no method to the madness then I know where you are, I’ve been there too! It’s time to revamp it!

My morning routine was shit. It just was. My morning routine consisted of rushing out of bed {after the 5th alarm} while running around the house trying to make sure my threefold was up and moving. It involved yelling, frustration, cuss words and missing the bus. It was full of negativity and wondering what I was forgetting. I was not only starting my day off in the worst way, but also everyone else’s. I don’t think anyone really realizes how much the morning affects their whole day and how your actions can set the tone for how the day will play out.

Now, I won’t lie, my routine is still in need of improvement and isn’t one making other moms jealous. I have learned what I do in the morning, how I speak, and how I think has the power to make or break my entire day. My new routine makes me much more prepared for my day! It also gives me time to mentally set my intentions for the day. I still need the five alarms and sometimes a swift kick in the ass to get moving, but it’s improved in nearly every other area. We don’t have family breakfast before school or a big motivational pep talk. I can tell a difference though as I realize now that my routine not only affects me positively but also my threefold {even if they won’t admit it!} I bet you’re wondering what I do in the morning that doesn’t involve an hour workout, a big chunk of my day, or getting up at the butt crack of dawn.

Revamp and Rev Up Your Routine!

  1. Wake Up With Gratitude. Those five alarms I set, well the final three have notes reminding me to be grateful! So when my eyes open and I immediately want to moan and groan about getting up I instead stop and think about what I’m thankful for. This forces me to be mindful before the endless list of to do’s start running through my head demanding all of my attention. It doesn’t always work out {mainly because I sleep through that damn alarm, all five, and don’t even bother turning them off!} some days I’m still on too big of a hurry to take the two minutes to sit in gratitude. {that’s bullshit, I don’t MAKE the time.} We all have two minutes, will you take them to be thankful for another shot to do better?
  2. Get Motivated! As I stated my routine still needs some improvement, but my motivational audio and specific morning music playlists are on my morning agenda! I usually listen to my morning motivational audio on YouTube while driving #1 of my threefold {the oldest kid} to school. I continue that while doing my make up at the bus stop waiting with #3. The playlists are a great way to get inspiration and fuel my get up and go for my day!
  3. Meditate!!! Meditation is my way of mentally preparing myself for my day and one thing I feel is necessary in order for me to be at my best throughout my day. I clear my head and breathe. If I have to choose to be on time or meditate then I will choose meditation EVERY time. I usually do a quick meditation in the morning {10-15 minutes.} Meditation quiets the noise in my head and the noise around me. It relaxes me and resets my thinking so I can move to my next step.
  4. Manifest! I not only think about what I want for the day, but put pen to paper and write it down. Writing or ‘scripting’ my intentions for the day is my favorite thing about my morning routine. I put it out into the universe exactly how I want my day to go. I imagine myself having an awesome day and the part I will play in making that day happen for myself. It sounds hokey and too easy but it works! Do I have a great day everyday? Nope. I do have more good days than bad ones. Honestly, I have bad moments not bad days~because I am the only person who decides if I will allow a bad moment to change the course of my day. My advice is to decide what you want for the day and fully imagine it then write it down. That’s all there is to scripting your day.
  5. Positive Affirmations. I fought this one the hardest {well besides the actual get out of bed part} I thought these were so cheesy when I had a therapist I wasn’t that fond of recommend trying it because my self talk was so negative. I was getting really good at speaking positivity into others, especially my threefold, but I was beating myself up. At first, I sounded sarcastic and thought how stupid it was to repeat ‘I am control of myself and my emotions’ amongst a million other lines that felt so silly to be saying. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point I started to believe them and I didn’t sound sarcastic or doubt the validity of what I was saying. After a while, I was saying them in my head when I found myself in a situation where I would normally start my verbal assault on my entire way of life. I listen to these on the way to work in the morning or anytime I need the extra reminder that ‘I am enough!’

I definitely won’t pretend to have it all together but my 30 minutes in the morning that I split up between my drop offs and waiting on buses, makes me feel better prepared for my day. The little chunks of time that would be spent mindlessly worrying about how much I need to do are now better spent taking actions towards reaching my goals. These little changes that I fit into my morning mayhem with my threefold have made me less stressed, more positive, and more productive. It’s not always easily accomplished, but it’s time well spent not wasted on worry.

Starting your day off on a positive note will boost your mood throughout the day. You’ve already accomplished a goal {no matter the size} first thing in the morning. The days where the morning routine is seamless and all goes accordingly are awesome, but when I accomplish all of my morning routine even amongst the morning mayhem it feels amazing. Before I began this little routine I would let one minor hiccup hijack my mood and my day. I had decided off the bat that however I felt when I woke up was how I would feel all day. The fact is that we decide what kind of day we are going to have. We decide to be a good mood or a bad one. We decide how we handle the obstacles and challenges that arise throughout our day. It’s not by chance that you have a good day, it’s by choice! It’s not about perfection, it’s about progress. If you don’t like it, change it! Stay positive! You’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M