Tag: #recovery

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11 Ways to Spot a Narcissist

love you

Can you spot a narcissist? I didn’t even know what a narcissist was prior to two years ago. Sitting in a therapist’s office after my {then} husband had screamed at me and refused to continue counseling after our separation. Completely embarrassed, but I was over it and had lost all hope or emotion tied to the After fifteen years he knew all the things to say to hurt me the most. I was afraid, beaten down, and was broken. The therapist looked at me and said ‘I am positive that he is a narcissist.’ I’m pretty sure I looked at her confused, but didn’t ask any questions. I thought it was just an insult and not a diagnosis.  

Don’t Marry a Narcissist 

I remember typing the word ‘narcissist’ into the google search bar and thinking I knew what would pop up. Egotistical. That was my only knowledge of narcissism at that point in time. Since then I have become all too familiar with the term, the disorder, it’s use {and misuse}, and the affects it has on the relationships surrounding the narcissist.

I was married to a narcissist and there was the evidence written in every article I read. Still I wanted to reason with those facts and I wanted to see something that didn’t make me feel like my entire life was a lie. I needed comfort, but I wasn’t finding it. All I was  finding were more reasons to make sure I never allowed the prior 15 years to become reality again.

No way was I staying with this man. I was never going back to him. One major piece of advice – Don’t marry a narcissist. Save yourself. Save your family. IF you did marry a narcissist, then see the tips I have on divorcing a narcissist. 

 

The Narcissist Defined

A narcissist is defined by the Merriam Webster Dictionary as someone who has an excess interest in or admiration of themselves. There are different types of narcissists. Those types include covert, malignant, communal, and antagonistic. There are many red flags and a toxic cycle of abuse that the narcissist tends to exhibit. However, just like anything it’s not a one size fits all definition.

It is widely agreed upon that the term narcissist is thrown around these days and overused. Every person who does you dirty isn’t a narcissist. Everyone, however, does possess narcissistic qualities. Everyone. There is a difference between exhibiting a healthy amount of narcissism, having narcissistic traits that are deemed toxic, and having narcissistic personality disorder.

 

11 Red Flags that a Narcissist is Known to Possess

  1. Superiority: will feel like they are right always. It’s black or white and there is no room for gray areas. They feel they are better than everyone and the best at everything. this isn’t just typical cocky behavior this is on the extreme side of confidence.
  2. Entitlement: feels like they are owed something always. It could be financial, respect, authority, control or favor. Whatever they want they feel it should be given without hesitation, whether they’ve earned it or deserve it.
  3. Fantisizes about Power: will often be preoccupied with fantasies of their ‘ideal’ life. This is far and beyond the ‘if you win the lottery’ scenario we all think about at one time or another. This is the further almost obsessive preoccupation with fame, fortune, beauty, and power.
  4. Special: they are special and uniquely made and that only those around them that are as special will be able to recognize their uniqueness.
  5. Attention Seeking: constantly craving attention. They need attention to thrive. It can be positive or negative attention, but they need the focus on them to feel in control. This is the life force they get from their supply.
  6. Absence of Empathy: does not relate to the emotions of others. Their feelings are the only driving force in their lives. They seek to feel good and avoid the bad, if you are looking to make the narcissist understand your perspective you will never succeed.
  7. Envy: either extremely envious of those around them or believes everyone is envious of them.
  8. Manipulative: will gaslight those closest to them to make those people comply to their wishes. They manipulate situations, arguments, circumstances in order to receive their desired outcome.
  9. Defensiveness: extremely defensive and lacks the ability to accept criticism even when constructive. They automatically ‘right fight’ and try to spin the situation. Don’t wait around for an apology, and if it’s given it’s not sincere and usually has a ‘but’ attached to it.
  10. No Accountability: they have a reason for everything and someone or something to blame. Admitting fault is admitting failure. They will hold everyone around them accountable for their actions and behaviors, but always have an excuse ready to go when needed.
  11. Passive Aggressive: sarcasm and backhanded remarks are the language best tied to a narcissist. They make their feelings known with their remarks and typically back those up with the ‘I was joking, can’t you take a joke’ or claims of your over sensitive nature.

When you realize that a narcissist is in your life it’s hard to see the red flags that were constantly being painted green.  Behind the pretty scenery of smiling pictures and the pretty words is where the ugly truth of our abuse was hidden. Looking back it was all so clear, but in those moments I had every excuse he had every given, every lie he had ever told, and every bit of the blame for the misery of our lives.

The Narcissist’s Toxic Cycle:

If you are exposed to a narcissist for a long period of time you will most likely see a pattern of toxic behavior over the course of the relationship. It’s repetitive like a bad song on repeat. There are defining characteristics of this toxic cycle. The goal is to control the victim so that the narcissist feels powerful and superior. They completely control their victim and the narrative with a few tactics.

  1. Love Bombing or Idealization: in this stage the narcissist is hooking you into their game. They will move quickly, claim ‘love at first sight’ and spoil you. They know all the right things to say and may even pretend to be interested in what you have to say. They are attempting to make you feel connected, attached and gain your trust. They need you to see the good in them and believe they want the same things you do. They will serve you empty promises that never hold weight.
  2. Degradation and Devaluation: the narcissist begins to target their victim by gaslighting, inflicting psychological and verbal abuse, and withholding intimacy. This stage comes on suddenly and usually unexpectedly. A narcisisst will blam their victim for all their problems and begin to make them have a distorted self image. This stage involves extreme manipulation and is the stage where physical abuse can be used to reinforce control. 
  3. Discard: during this stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle the narcissist dispose of you. They will turn cold. A narcissist will try hurting you intentionally with any information they have to do so. They will call it quits and tell you they no longer want to tolerate your behavior and abuse. They will label you “crazy”, “psycho”, “controlling”, or “abusive” in order to make you feel at fault for the problems in the relationship. 
  4. Hoover: You know the Hoover Vaccuum Cleaner? Thats where this term comes from. You think you’ve been completely discarded after stage 3 of the cycle. YOU ARE WRONG. The narcissist will attempt to hoover and suck you back into the toxic cycle. The narcissist will apologize, they lie,  manipulate and wear you down to get you back. You provide that life force they need to survive. Without this cycle they cannot function. They need someone {anyone} to give them the attention, the sense of power and control, and the admiration they feel they deserve. 

The Affects of Narcisstic Abuse

As someone who has suffered from narcissitic abuse and seen my threefold suffer through the aftermath of that abuse. I am going to share the affects this abuse has had on my threefold and I. As an adult, you would think I would be less susceptible to falling victim to the abuse cycle.

The affects after abuse, especially psychological, are long term. I question everything now. I don’t trust my feelings or my instincts. This has caused me to become more defensive, because I have an intense fear that I am going to suffer from that abuse again. Imagine always being on high alert, and reactive. There is a constant feeling of insecurity, overwhelm, anxienty. It’s like being on edge constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My world is all bass ackwards, and its flipped on it’s end. It is harder to believe in myself, to trust certain situations, trust people. I am paranoid, fearful, and accusatory. When I first left, I thought everyone was against me. I was scared anything I said or did would go back to him. This left me questioning my threefold, my family, my friends, and doubted anyone that pursued me. I felt crazy. Quickly, I learned that it was normal to question everything. It was even normal to ask myself if I was bad guy or the real the narcissist.  For a time, I was sympathetic towards my ex husband and believed it was only that he was hurting and projecting that hurt onto me when the abuse continued even after I left him. 

 

Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse

My threefold and I suffer from a trauma disorder as a result of the abuse we endured over those 15 years. Healing is an ongoing process and it’s not easy. Hard work is required to recover after trauma. If you are thinking how bad it sucks that even though you were the abused, you now have to put effort into your healing too, you’re right. It sucks and isn’t fair. It is worth it though. I am not healed completely and neither is my threefold, but I see our progress even when no one else does. I know how far we have come. I wish nothing more than to have a magic wand that could take the pain away from my threefold. I’d be lying if I said I have never wished that pain on my ex.

The truth is, he is in pain. He is worse off than we are in many ways. He may be the abuser, a total narcissist and complete pain in the ass, but he will never know any other life than this toxic cycle. He is destined to be in that cycle forever. He will never be able to know love in it’s true form. Narcissists rarely see fault in their actions or in their behavior. Therefore he won’t ever be likely to get help for these things and if he does it will merely be a show.  This in a weird way brings me comfort and makes me sad for the narcissist. I get comfort knowing that the internal pain he struggles with will never subside and it’s sad to me that other people will get caught up in that cycle with him. I’m just so grateful that we got out. 

I stood up for my abuser throughout my relationship with him of 15 years. After leaving him, I still stood up for him. I watched my threefold, my girls, struggle with the longterm affects of their abuse. Even so, I still tried to bridge a relationship for them with their father. It took me nearly a year to see that I was causing them more harm. They needed me to be on their side. Especially since I hadn’t been for all the years before. They were suffering from all the same issues, but they didn’t understand the complexities of it. We have come a long way from where we were. Unfortunately, cutting off the father of your children is not easily accomplished. Cutting off your father as a child is even more difficult. 

Get Help

The good parts that the victim sees are the lie, the monster the narcissist became during the other stages, that is the truth. It’s hard to see that when you are in the cycle. This cycle is never ending, until they find a new supply to feed off of, or until the victim finally escapes the abuse and breaks the cycle. Unfortunately, the abuse of a narcissist will never cease unless the victim cuts off the narcissist completely. Otherwise, the abuse just changes. 

If you or someone you know is being abused seek help. Escaping the abuse initially and the healing process you must go through is extremely complex. Seeking support, therapy, and being patient with yourself is paramount to finding the path forward. You are not responsible for what broke you, but it is ultimately your responsibility to heal the broken parts of you. Its hard to accept, but you will never change the narcissist, but you can change yourself and what you will tolerate. It’s ok to walk away, to save yourself, and to save your children. Set boundaries and remain firm with those boundaries.  Believe me when I say allowing the continuation of the cycle of abuse will only cause more harm. Be the change you need. Be the person your kids need you to be for them. Stay Positive. We’ve got this! You’ve got this! ♥~M

narcissist

 

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Silver Linings

I’ve been pretty negative the past few weeks, just sitting in my puddle of pity and splashing people in the face if they came near or tried to pull me from wallowing in my many woes. Even those that you would think are the strongest still fall. I had to climb out of the hell I was allowing to take over my life {or drug out kicking and screaming} I had to get out of there before I let it consume me and cover me in the dark bitterness of depression. It took some come ups and some push {ok a lot of push} but I’m starting to see some of that silver lining.

I never rolled over and quit {I wanted to.} I knew that my only choice was to keep moving forward and as hard as it has been this past month it’s time to shake off the sadness and the hardships. Now I am going to get to the good {ish} part again. And yes I say ish because it’s never going to be perfect but goodish is MUCH better than hellish. Real talk.

Both of my girls aren’t discharged from the hospital yet, but # 2 came home today. She’ll do a partial hospitalization program starting Monday. That means I can have her home at night, but she’ll still have daily therapy and see her psychiatrist daily. So hospital diring the day, work, and then home. Much better than inpatient with five minute phone calls and no face to face visitation.

#3 will hopefully get out next week. They did a full medication change on her so she has to be monitored while she adjusts to the new regimen. Hopefully, this change is one that helps her to regulate her emotions better. She is ready to be back home. Home for a week then back inpatient isn’t the goal at all. Hopefully her step down care will be partial or intensive outpatient care.

On a brighter note, tomorrow #1 has her 18th birthday party! I went all out. She didn’t get a sweet sixteen due to Covid popping up this time two years ago. She chose an ‘Alice in Wonderland’ theme. I love it. We bought cute spring dresses, too many decorations, and I have three cakes. Yes, I know it’s excessive. Who needs 3 cakes, cupcakes, chocolate covered strawberries and ooey gooey bars? Well, apparently we do. It should be fun and give us all the ability to relax and have some fun. I hate #3 won’t be here with us to celebrate. I miss that kid with all of me right now.

To top off the celebration of the 18th birthday and the official adulthood commencing for one of my threefold we also are celebrating that full scholarship she was awarded for her amazing ACT and academic achievements amongst an essay she wrote. So proud of her! She is rocking this year and has grown so much as a person this year. {still 4’10” but she is dynamite in a tiny package!}

In case I need more to celebrate other than I am one down two to go to successful child rearing, then I can add to the celebratory mood. I achieved a goal that I’ve been working on professionally. I got a promotion at work and a nice little pay increase to go with it. I’m pretty proud to be able to say that in just shy of two years with my current company I’ve had 2 promotions and 4 raises. Not too damn shabby. I do love what I do and the people I get to work with.

Despite all the headaches and the hardships there is still a lot of good happening for us. I know eventually the good will outweigh the bad. I’m ready to keep moving forward and keep overcoming the obstacles. It’s a crazy life Mommin ’ mental illness, but who better to have to do it for my threefold than I? In the mean time I’ll keep trying to see all the good. Stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M

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Domino Effect

I never liked dominoes. I never was interested in playing the game. I would just line them up, stand them up on their ends and push the first one causing the rest to fall over as I watched with amusement. I would create twists and turns with the rows of upended dominoes to see how far it would continue on after the first push. It was entertaining for me. Much more so than the game itself was. This is what it feels like is happening in my life, but I’m not amused with watching as everything falls apart around me.

It’s March 1st. I should be writing a February Goal Getter recap and a March Goal Getter Guide. I should be spouting off about everything we have accomplished and how we do it. I should be writing a congratulatory letter to myself as I get to say this week I will have successfully raised one of my threefold to adulthood. #1 of my threefold turns 18 in only a few days. I should be planning a 18th birthday party and car shopping. I should have a promotion and a raise in my sights. What I shouldn’t have is two daughters in crisis mode leaving mom to manage the onslaughts of stress, financial worries, emotional turmoil, and trying to figure out where I went wrong. Yet here I am mommin’ mental illness and trying to manage my own. It’s been the domino effect of triggered responses.

It was a week to the day I discharged #3 from her psychiatric facility for acute care. It was that same day that we discharged #3 that #2 was admitted to the psychiatric hospital for her crisis management. Today, I was back with #3 for another admission for acute crisis management. Yes. That’s right. I have two of my threefold admitted for psychiatric care simultaneously now. As much as I don’t want to be the mom who says that, I am. I’m completely lost in my own emotional overwhelm and exhaustion from the past several weeks that I can’t worry about what that sounds like or how that makes me look. All I care about is that they get the help they need. Everything else is inconsequential at this point. My dominoes are lined up and life has begun to watch in amusement as each of us falls into the darkness of depression.

These admissions weren’t by my choice or even my recommendation. With # 2 hers was initiated by her outpatient therapist. With #2’s history I was pretty much guaranteed admission as soon as I said she had been inpatient for 17 weeks during 2021. With #3 the school has requested evaluation and assessment for mental illness and trauma treatment since her first out burst three weeks ago. #3 returned to school and now here we are with another outburst, more trauma disclosures and another referral from the school for assessment. I’m back to inpatient and trauma momma in the position of chaos coordinator and crisis management. Not the promotion I had hoped for this year. I didn’t ask for the domino free fall, however the pieces are left for me to put back in place. I’m trying to stop the falls, but they are being knocked down before I can even pick up the previous fallen pieces. I’m not sure how to stop the continued cause and effect from the initial piece falling into the one after.

I’m trying to figure it out. I’m trying to muddle through the whole situation. I’m flailing, but I can’t fail. This domino effect will hit a spot where the fall can’t continue and the progression will end. I’m not going to let my threefold down. They won’t be left to fight this alone. They need to stand up and I’m going to make sure they stay balanced whatever it takes. I need a break, but mommin’ mental illness is a full time job with no pay and no benefits. I’m broken and they are too. All I can do is work towards finding them the right care and keeping my sanity so I can manage this crisis as it comes. I’m scared. I’m sad. They’re scared and sad. I’m not sure how the next part of this story of ours will go, but I know that it’s going to be a hard one to write until they are home with me where they belong. In the meantime, all I can say is I’m trying to be positive. I might need some help along the way, but I’ve got this. ☮️❤️😊~M

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Learning to Let Go

Yes, I know, hard to believe. Nonetheless, here I am at a loss for words. I’ve been quiet this week. I’ve been trying to figure out how to let go. I’ve been trying to find a way to teach my threefold to let go. Yet, I’m finding the actual process of letting go is hard, however it’s critical to find healing and to move forward. I’m writing this still unsure how to proceed. It’s imperative that we find a way to let go of the past so we can move forward into the future.

It’s been a long and emotionally exhausting week, yet again. I was excited for things to get better as I was discharging #3 from the hospital and signed my final marital dissolution agreement after two long years. I just knew that was going to take so much of the weight of worry off of my life and off of my threefold. I was right, it did. I however wasn’t expecting that weight to be thrown back on me mere hours later. I was speechless.

I was sitting in the therapist’s office for my threefold and waiting for the discussion about #2’s relapse. I could see the anxiety in my daughter’s face as the therapist and I looked at her wondering why we had been called to meet. I was sick. My stomach was in my throat as my body tensed. #2 had been having increased intense thoughts of suicide, with a plan, and the means to complete the plan. I couldn’t breathe. It was only a couple of hours before that I had picked up #3 after her 2 week hospitalization. #2 hadn’t said anything to me. Why didn’t she tell me? Sooner?! I was unsure of what to do. I knew that her being suicidal and with a recent self harm relapse, I was most likely going to have to seek a higher level of care for her. That’s not anything like how I thought this day would go. I was stunned.

I’m not sure why we didn’t follow the safety plan. I did my part, I thought I was doing everything right. I locked up the meds, I gave her support, we talked and checked in often, I was doing skin checks, she was never without supervision for longer than a few hours, but never left alone. I couldn’t figure it out. We were doing good. She was doing so good. Why. Why?! I got angry and I was scared. I was scared for her, for my threefold and also for myself. Why wouldn’t she have talked to me.

My anger met fear, and my hurt saw her pain. I couldn’t understand in that moment, but I understand much more than I care to admit now. It’s not weakness, it’s not attention, or a pity party for ourselves. It’s the past scaring us out of our future. Over the next few days, my own thoughts would betray me. I too am vulnerable to my own darkness. I wanted to quit. I wanted to stop fighting my own battle. I hate to say that I thought about it, I thought about it too much. What if it was all my fault. I needed to blame someone and that person needed to be me, because I couldn’t blame her. She is only a child with an illness and more pain than is fair. She was my responsibility therefore I was to blame.

It’s hard enough managing mental illness in yourself as an adult. I can’t fathom what it’s like to have the trauma, stress, and all of your darkness swirling at the same time and during such a pivotal time in their lives. I truly wish I could take their pain and destroy it or give it back to myself. They don’t deserve to have life be this hard, this young.

I’ve found we all are still allowing our past lives to hold so much power over us. We’ve suffered from that pain. When will we let it go and move into a future that isn’t controlled by our past experiences? I know that’s the only way we find our way forward. It’s so much easier said than done. I’ve been trying to let go of the past, but I know it’s so much more difficult when the other people in your life are working on healing too. We can trigger and influence each other. We validate the past, but when can it stop taking our future?

This is my journey, this is our journey. I’m not perfect and some days I’m barely holding on. Some weeks I question everything. I am just as damaged as my threefold or anyone else in the world. We’ve all been damaged, but some of us can’t find our way to fix it. I want to fix it. I want to fix it for my threefold. Now I must figure out how. This process may take time, but it’s time to move on.

I’ll figure it out. We’ll find a way. We always do. For now, I wait for the #2’s discharge. I distract myself from my guilt and fear. I keep running away from my own darkness. I keep fighting. For all of us. Even when they stop, I won’t. As scared as I am that my threefold and I will let the past steal our future, I know we have the strength to overcome the fear and move forward. I will be hopeful and lead us to a future that frees us from that past. We can do this. I’m positive. We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M

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Movement

It’s been a hell of a week. I don’t want to say ‘Hell Week 2022’ because that’s like a challenge to the universe and it’s only February! I’ve been through the ringer this week, between hiding the hospitalization of #3, fighting through those feelings and dealing with the domino effect this trauma talk triggers in all of my threefold and I, my vehicle breaking down, working to distract myself, and my court chaos with the ex, I felt like I wasn’t going to make it through this week.

I felt on the verge of a mental breakdown last week when I admitted my daughter, #3, the youngest of my threefold. I am hiding that from my workplace not because I don’t feel like they would be supportive or understanding, but because I am up for this promotion and I don’t want to get the label of ‘single mom who has too much on her plate to be as committed as this position requires.’ I know I would get that label for sure. I’m more qualified and capable than even the last manager was, I know that I can excel and don’t need more stigma standing in my way. I am ready to move up, and I know my worth. Time to add the tax to that and take my place. I earned it.

I love my day job. Don’t confuse that with the fact that I would not leave in a heartbeat if I could support my family on writing and content creation, but right now that’s not feasible. The starving artist isn’t a good path when the ones starving would be my threefold. They’re growing girls and they have a grocery bill that’s higher than a car payment each week! I’ve used work as a distraction. I’m good at my job and it’s busy so I can easily get lost in it. I love that I leave it all at the door at work and escape to a place where I shine just being me. That’s true for writing and for my day job.

I got my truck out of the shop {1k later and a new fuel pump later} I realized a few years ago not having my own ride would have not bothered me at all. Now I’m so much more independent and I love it. I drive everywhere. Ruby and I are going to stick it out longer. She is bipolar too so it’s important she take her meds and I need to be more mindful of her needs so she doesn’t have a breakdown again soon.

I’ve been really hard on myself this past week in more ways than one. My self talk has been negative. I haven’t been meditating or manifesting much. My goal getter book has been empty when usually I would’ve had my goals laid out for the week. My sleep has been sporadic. My mood has shifted more often. My self care went to nonexistent. I’ve been isolating and not really in the mood to do much of anything. I tried to keep it together. It’s been really freaking rough though. This depressive episode is not near as intense as the last one but when you’ve been in a good place for a while the down feels deeper. You just want to snap out of it. Unfortunately bipolar doesn’t work like that. Instead it means med adjustments and pushing yourself to keep going. I can’t give up or give into the darkness of it. My threefold needs me to be their strength and their rock. Not a mom in bed or hiding away so they don’t see it. They know what’s going on, because unfortunately it’s like a domino effect. They can mirror my mood as I mirror theirs and those of others. I need to move myself out of this darkness.

This domino effect as I call it has resulted in depression symptoms and anxiety for everyone else. It’s also not good because no one wants to be the cause of any additional chaos. Especially when it’s obvious I’m in stressed out anxiety mode right now. This makes my threefold feel like they can’t ask for support or talk about their own feelings because they don’t want to worry or upset me more. One thing I had hoped we learned was that shoving it down and hoping the feelings subside on their own rarely works. Especially when the feelings and thoughts are intense. This led to issues across the board this week. we’ve got to move away from triggering these episodes in one another. It’s gonna start with my personal movement.

#1 of my threefold {the oldest} expressed she felt like I was too busy with everything going on with #2 and #3 that I wasn’t giving her the proper attention or focus that I should. She expressed her feelings and I was grateful she did. It is difficult to split focus when you have three and give them each what they need. Especially when they each have varying needs and those needs can change in a matter of minutes it seems like. I want to give her that security, but I also know that she will be making her own big moves soon. With her 18th birthday fast approaching I know that her independence is also going to be tested and she needs to show she can make some moves solo.

#2 of my threefold relapsed. I cried until I could no longer feel it. I’ve been so watchful and mindful ever since the beginning of her journey. She had eight months free of self harm. She was in an amazing place in her recovery for so long. She worked so hard for those eight months. Then within moments it was gone and that made both her and I feel like we were f’ing it all up. She was triggered by the increased trauma talk, the self harm discussions, mentions of suicide, and being on this side of the hospitalization equation. The guilt she felt for being hospitalized for 17 weeks last year was overwhelming. She saw me at my low, and when you’re inpatient you don’t see what is happening to your family. You don’t see the stress, the tears, the anxiety and the hurt. She saw me and realized how awful it must’ve been for me. Instead of that fueling her motivation, she allowed that guilt and remorse to eat away at her. That same guilt that my behaviors and my inability to keep it all together for my threefold is heavy on me right now. I’m trying. Everyday. This trauma drama bipolar momma bear life is hard on me too! I’m not cured of mental illness, therefore I can’t expect them to be either. we will move past this hiccup. It doesn’t negate her work over the past eight months. Im still proud of her and this time I was able to better handle my reaction and response.

I’m crossing my fingers and my toes, {and my legs because I’m a damn lady,} that Tuesday #3 of my three will be discharged. I miss her with everything in me. It’s too quiet. I’m used to her loud ass tv, the TikTok dances, jump roping, karate practice and the echoes of her laughter {or arguing} from the kitchen. I miss her fighting me to go to bed and to wake up. I miss her silly stories about school and seeing her light up as she tells me about her positives for the day. I am ready to see her face and hug her. 10 days inpatient for a 10 year old. She has never been away from me this long. Having five minutes each night to recap the day is not near enough for a mother with her child. I want her home so I can have every minute I want. Im ready for her and I to move into a direction where she knows that she is loved, supported and that she is an important part of the lives around her.

Court is finally over. I hope. A settlement is on the horizon. I refused to backdown and allow him to make decisions for my threefold. That’s a decision I will stand behind. Supposedly he has accepted that and I have agreed that settlement is going to be a much better route if possible. Now I wait for the final signatures and the freedom that those papers will give me. A chapter my threefold and I have been unable to move on from for two years. It’s well overdue. This is our chance to move on from the past and move into the future…stronger…together…in hope.

Thank you for reading my current state of the union address for my threefold and I. I’ve received many messages requesting an update with shows of support and love. Thank you so much! You will never know how much those little messages make my day.

I’m glad to be starting off a new week. I’m hoping this one has more ups than downs and more happy than sad. I’m hoping we have less trauma drama and more trauma talk. I’m hopeful, which is something I couldn’t say this time last week. I’m hoping that some relief from the stress and the strain will mean that I am able to lift some of this heaviness off me and focus on the future for my threefold and I. Move on, move up, and move into the next chapter of our lives. Stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M