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Covid Chronicles: Day 3 & 4 11/29/21-11/30/21

Day 3 was the day of rest apparently. I’ve never slept like I slept yesterday. My body must’ve been needing that, because I was not even stirred until close to 4:00 pm. I was asleep and no one woke me. This in and of itself is unheard of. I can’t typically take a nap around here without someone needing something. I woke up and again felt almost human. No major complaints other than some aches that could be accounted to the obscene amount of sleep I had acquired. I didn’t do anything for the remainder of the evening except untangle the most massive knot of yarn and finish the finger knit garland for our Christmas tree. My main symptom yesterday was fatigue. Still no sense of smell, but that is probably in my favor still as ‘E’ hasn’t been shy about letting those butt demons free. I wanted to write but my motivation was less than on point. I figured it would be ok to skip a day.

Unfortunately, yesterday #1 found out her boyfriend tested positive and she was beginning to show some symptoms of our new house mate Corona also. ‘And another one bites the dust!’ If you’re keeping count that’s 4/6 of the people that live in my home and another person that happens to swap spit with my daughter on occasion. That leaves #3 and the ‘BK’ {bonus kid} so far unscathed.

Today, day 4, brought some time outside of the house. That would seem like a wanted change of pace, but today I did not feel close to human when I woke up, nor did I have that ‘this isn’t so bad’ thought. No, today was the day that I felt yuckiest so far. Today was the day that ’E’ and my threefold could test to seal their fate of continued quarantine or a date for going back to school. #3 was the only one who got the all clear and as long as she does not show symptoms she can return to school at the end of the week. The other two and ‘E’ are stuck at home until next week, same as I am. Thankfully everyone is showing mild symptoms and everyone is still able to rest fairly comfortably.

Today the headache was at its most intense and it did not want to let up with the Tylenol I was taking to diminish the pain. It was relentless. I showered, but even that was not helpful. I was groggy and irritable and overall I felt like garbage. My nose feels so dry, but still stopped up which seems like a contradiction. It’s possible though. The cough is still there, but it seems to be triggered less. {unless it’s a laughing fit} Overall though it’s been an uneventful couple days. Trying to take each day as it comes and although I still want to be active and go, I am heeding my limitations and accepting my body’s call for rest.

Hopefully, everyone begins to feel better over the next few days and is able to start getting their normal energy levels back. Until then we will just continue to listen to our needs and remain positive. We are home and we are together! Everyone is trying to take care of each other and surprisingly my threefold hasn’t gone into all out war with each other…yet. ☮️❤️😊~M

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Covid Chronicles: Day 1 11/27/21

I’m going to call today Day 1. Today is the 1st full day of quarantine after receiving my positive test result. My hope is by writing a brief synopsis of each day I can track my symptoms and hopefully see the improvements that are soon to be coming my way. It also may help someone else who isn’t sure what to expect. In addition, the goal is to stay positive and find a way to make quarantine less hellish and keep everyone safe and recovering at home {without going completely insane, stir crazy, or inciting violence}.

Today I woke up and felt ok. I wasn’t 100%, but I had that thought of “this isn’t that bad, this isn’t worse than a bad cold or a mild flu.” Wrong. I realized I had slept 12 hours and it was 10a.m., but the house was still quiet meaning my threefold was also taking advantage of a day to sleep in. My new friend Corona however quickly showed me what she was willing to do to make me feel her wrath {how dare I doubt her}. Groceries were received and bringing a week’s worth of groceries into the kitchen was difficult at best. I’m not going to lie, I was ready for a nap immediately after but I pushed through. I allowed the kids to help by actually putting everything where it goes. I managed to take the trash out from the kitchen and bedroom and switch around some laundry. After that I had to sit down. My body was screaming at me to stop. My chest was tight, my muscles ached, and I was light headed. I complied and listened. I forced down some food and made myself drink a bottle of water. Taste is in tact, but it lacks luster and vitality; as the flavors are less distinct. I can’t tell about smell though because I’m stuffed up, but it was nice to not be able to smell the rancid gas ‘E’ emitted as he slept away his symptoms today. By 2:00 p.m. I felt like I’d worked all day. The clothes from the dryer staring at me to fold them. I was almost as restless as #3 and I just wanted to do something, anything, besides lay useless. However my body did not give me the permission needed to actually get up and go. My head was foggy. It’s easiest described as hang over brain like you’ve stayed up far too late, drank too much, and now your body and brain are trying to play catch up.

This evening ‘E’ finally gave in and took an at home covid test, the result as expected was positive. I harnessed enough energy to sweep the floors after my afternoon nap while watching t.v. and relaxing. ‘E’ managed to get the tree put up and the girls worked on fluffing and preparing the ornaments with hooks. I even managed to fold that load of laundry that had been staring me earlier in the day. After those things I was back to feeling like my life force was completely drained. I managed to sit at the table for family dinner. I cleared the table. Started another load of laundry and then I was done. This last load may have to stare at me until morning as I feel like my lungs are on fire after all of that this evening.

Thankfully #1 and #3 are acting fine, #2 however said her throat and chest were hurting. I am grateful they all pulled together and did some cleaning today. I couldn’t stand it being dirty, having to look at it all day and not having the ability or energy to actually clean it up. They even managed not to fight as they divided up the tasks that needed to be done! I watched #3 do some painting, watched some “flea market flip” episodes to trigger my restless creativity and did a lot of snuggling with ‘E’ and our kitties. #2 made dinner for us, yay spaghetti! I definitely am thankful my threefold are old enough to somewhat fend for theirselves, help out, and attempt to entertain themselves.

With antibiotics for my compounding ear infection, steroids, a crap ton of Advil dual action {this stuff is amazing} and cough medicine on board along with all my other regular medications I’m staving off as many of the symptoms as possible. The fatigue, headache, shortness of breath and body aches are the worst today. My newest symptom is the shortness of breath from minor activity. Most improved symptom is the sinus congestion. I never thought I’d be ecstatic about performing mundane tasks, but I figured it’s better to move some and give my body a little push than to completely force myself to be on bed rest. I guess time will tell if my way is at all beneficial to recovery or if I’m just wearing my body out needlessly. As long as I drink fluids, take breaks, listen to my body when it says ‘enough!’ then I don’t think it’s hurting me to stay somewhat active.

Overall day 1 was harder than expected but I remained in good spirits and as positive as I could. I think I only got irritated when there was arguing or unnecessary yelling. Overall I’m trying to remember that my threefold are trying to be good too. It’s important I not hold them to unrealistic expectations after all they are kids stuck in a house with their sisters for the next several days. Arguments will be hard to avoid and they will get louder than I want them to. If that’s the worst thing that happens then we will be in good shape!

Today’s Accomplishments:

  • Clean (a little by me, more so my threefold)
  • Laundry(ish)
  • Rest & relax
  • Write
  • Answer emails
  • Groceries
  • Submissions and proposals
  • Christmas tree up (not decorated yet)
  • Family dinner
  • Quality time (at a distance)

Not too shabby for a quarantined family trying to fight off covid and make it to Day 2 of this little journey. It’s just a piece of the story, not the beginning, definitely not the end but an excerpt that we will one day look back at and say ‘you know we faced some unique challenges in 2021, but we over came them all because we are badass!’ That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Send positive healing vibes our way! If you have any creative ideas to help keep my threefold entertained over the coming days I would appreciate any advice! Can’t be too intricate as we can’t go to the store to get supplies {and I’m attempting to not spend resources too quickly since I am not working for the next couple of weeks.} Prece’ ☮️❤️😊~M

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Rest. Relax. Recharge.

This weekend has to be one for the record books. No we didn’t break the time on cleaning house or master new skills. I simply gave in and submitted to the sleep I have been desperately needing for months now. I’m not sure I have ever slept as much as I have over the past 48 hours and I’m not sure how I can still feel exhausted after sleeping as much as I have. I am not sure how I have managed to be able to sleep and not be awoken because of this or that or phone calls or hunger or anything. It’s miraculous. I love sleep. However, I have allowed it to be an unattainable and elusive goal these past few months.

Friday I managed to get 7-8 hours which although I used to be able to sleep like that regularly has not been a reality for me in months, maybe even close to a year. Saturday I worked but felt exhausted all day despite my decent night sleep. I came home and took a 3 hour nap. I got up fixed dinner and was back to sleep by 11:30pm. I slept another 10 hours, YES! 10! Obscene. Then slept again and again and again. I’ve had maybe 4 hours total awake hours all day. Those were spent in bed, or lounging, snacking, or snuggled up against the man who stayed in bed with me, and writing of course.

I’m preparing myself for the stress and anxiety of the weeks to come. School is about to start back bringing with it lists and shopping and bills. Meetings with lawyers and new routines. I’m hoping for a discharge date for 2 soon, though that may not be happening just yet. I’m anticipating doctors and nurses and therapists calling with updates, medication authorization, and treatment plans. I’m looking at coordinating 1’s senior year. I’m preparing for facilitating communication between school and hospital so that 2 is on track for her 8th grade year when she is released. I am bracing myself for 3 not wanting to get back in the school flow and go to bed on time and the early morning struggles to make it to the bus stop on time. With everything getting ready to come at us full speed I think my body decided it was time to relax and recharge because this weekend is the second to the last of summer break. Next weekend no doubt will be spent prepping for the first day.

Today I am going to be grateful for the rest. I am grateful of the reprieve sleep brings from the everyday hustle and bustle of life with my threefold. I am not going to feel guilty for letting myself fall into bed and sleeping this weekend away. Sometimes I forget that it’s ok to stop and relax and give myself the time I need to recharge. Sometimes it’s ok to say “No” and focus just on what my body is telling me that I need. Sometimes pushing through the tired and the stress is not the answer. I am grateful I have allowed myself to take a break this weekend and not forced myself to push through.

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100% That Mom

100% that mom of course came from Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts”. It is just has my mom spin on it, because that’s what I do. I’m corny and cheesy. I’m 100% that mom. It has a million other hidden meanings and stories behind the phrase also. The main one being I want be 100% that mom by giving my threefold 100% of myself. It’s more like a goal than actually anything attainable. I think I am far too critical of myself to ever actually give myself 100% on anything I do in my life. Unless sarcastic snarky comments, collecting stars for rewards at Starbucks, or how to master the art of overthinking everything are graded assignments in our lives. I’m afraid that I wouldn’t give myself a very high grade in parenting, but I think I would get more than just the participation award!

100% That Mom started off as a joke. My threefold and I were singing loudly, off key, and out of rhythm to “Truth Hurts” and it kind of just came to me. I’m pretty fantastic at coming up with mom-related content, I think it’s just because I’m 100% that mom who isn’t scared to be silly or say something off the wall to see where it goes. Improv is a hidden talent of mine. I can play along with just about any scenario you dream of. It’s actually a coping mechanism and it gets me out of my head by making me become whatever my character would be. It’s typically very cliche stereotypes and generalizations of my perspective of how that character would act. One day I may get brave enough to post a video of DEFCON 4, the PPP and I in that element. It’s quite hilarious, if you don’t mind a little inappropriate (ok a lot) humor and aren’t easily offended. DEFCON 4 is really quite into our “southern family” persona. We are all good at doing that one, probably because we live in the south and have been around our fair share of southerners that we can speak the “native” language pretty well now. The PPP (aka my co-house manager, the man that I love) cracks me up when we get going. It’s silly and stupid, definitely immature, but we will laugh for days after about our make believe scenarios. It’s even better when we do them in public and people think we are actually serious. I love the shock and awe factor. I’m all about the looks we get, the whispers and snickers. Whatever makes you happy and appeases the mental health gods.

Background art by #3

I am 100% that mom who will turn the radio full blast when “Roses” by OutKast in the car line while dropping off my threefold at school and watch them walk away mortified. I am also 100% that mom who sees my child having an attitude towards me when they are with friends or their significant other and will loudly yell their name with a very serious “Don’t be mad! I promise I won’t forget to go to the pharmacy to get your prescription for your butt cream. I know you are acting like this because you ran out and it’s bothering you. Don’t worry momma will take care of you! Promise!” If you want to fix an attitude this method probably won’t work, but it sure does make me feel better to know they got the message!

“Not All Heroes Wear Capes” An assignment of their personal hero in English. My sweet 1 wrote about me.

I’m 100% that mom that cusses and talks about all the inappropriate things with my threefold. I refuse to apologize or be ashamed about that. I don’t shy away from the controversial and taboo topics they bring up. If we need to discuss them, it’s fine, and by God I want them to have the truth. It’s better coming from me than that person down the block who thinks that all gay people are going to hell and that they are predators trying to persuade today’s youth to become like them so they can enslave the straight people to accomplish world domination. If they don’t get it from the wackos, it’s the kids who know nothing or the internet and I honestly would rather have informed kids than try to fix all the misinformation coming at them around the world.

Im 100% that mom who skips through the parking lot holding hands with any of the DEFCON 4 crew regardless if they are 9 or 13 or 15 or 17. I am 100% that mom who will lay on the bed in the store knowing full well I am not buying it. I am 100% that mom who will spray the all of the perfume samples and turn on the noise making toys, set the alarms in electronics, and dance to the music overhead. Im 100% that mom who plays music roulette for the song of the day. The mom who sings to the strangers in the next car over. The mom who wants to be not so serious and stuffy and in my head all the time. I’m not doing it for everyone else I honestly don’t care if you like it or not. I only do it to see them smile, to hear their laugh, because I’ve spent way too much time and way too long caring about the opinions of people who don’t make bit of difference in my life. I do it because it’s fun to have fun!

A note from my sweet 1 this always reminds me I must be doing something right.

I’m also 100% that mom who will tell my threefold I love them and be affectionate no matter where we are or who we are around. I’m 100% that mom who will fight you when you talk bad about or try to come at my threefold. Sometimes it bothers me more than them, but believe me I will say something. It’s one of the few times I can be confident in confrontation now. It’s probably because I let them endure so much and didn’t stand up for them when I should’ve in the past. I’m 100% that mom who says I love you every time we hang up the phone and before bed each night. I’m 100% that mom who is too laidback sometimes and doesn’t like punishment, instead I am the mom who prefers positive reinforcement. I am 100% the mom who overthinks everything I need to do better or should’ve done. I’m the mom who works hard but wants to play harder. I’m 100% that mom who needs to decompress after a long day to mentally prepare and change my focus. I’m 100% the mom who struggles in the morning and is almost never on time. I’m 100% that mom who has awful days where nothing is going according to plan so I completely freak out over everything. I’m 100% that mom who my threefold feel safe to talk to and enjoy being around. I’m 100% that mom who is trying to give everything in me that is good to my threefold. I’m 100% that mom in all these things an a million more probably. It’s not all sunshine, rainbows, smiles and laughter. It’s all about them, and it’s all about what they need from me. I am 100% that mom who is trying to give my threefold the mom I needed when I was growing up.

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A Staple in My Life.

I’m going to take you back to the beginning of threefold when there was only 1 and 1 is the original member of my threefold. It’s a good thing that 1 came first. 1 made this parenting gig look easy. I was young when I had 1, a baby really at only 19. I didn’t have a clue about raising kids or being a mom. I was just getting through my big party it up phase and I was invincible to any real consequences as far as I thought. I was still living with my parents and in college. I wasn’t super focused on anything big for my life. I was just doing what 19 year olds do. I was so naive about real life things and so very entitled to everything in the world. I was basically a brat of mass proportions. Let me give you an example I had the nerve to get upset that my daddy bought me a brand new mustang when I graduated high school that was red instead of getting me the blue avalanche that I had asked for. Spoiled damn rotten. I look back at how much I took for granted in my life as a child of a well off family. Catholic school, cars, money, vacations, the complete and utter lack of worry about anything. I wish my kids had all of that from me. Unfortunately, we weren’t dealt the comfortable life that I had growing up.

1 made their entrance into this world early on a Saturday morning. I will forever remember how scared I was. 5 hours and an emergency c-section under general anesthesia I became a mom. 1 was born. And so it all began. I’m not going to give you a play by play of every step along the way for the past 17 years. That would be exhausting. 1 was my first. 1 is a major piece to my story and in my life. 1 forced me to grow up and be accountable to someone other than myself for the first time in my life. 1 saved me over and over again from myself and made me think of them before making any decisions. I became an adult after 1 was born.

1 was the most beautiful red headed blue eyed baby and child in the world. Yes I’m bias, but it’s also true. They are so smart. They were talking long before they were supposed to. I can clearly remember 1 sitting in their Elmo chair in front of the tv watching “Elmo’s World” and holding their cat, that was lovingly named “Meow”. They are so playful and funny. I was astounded through out their childhood at their ability to never study for tests but always pass them and that they were always so dedicated to being the best. Unfortunately, I began at an early age to put unrealistic performance standards on them. I bought into everyone telling me how brilliant they were and began to make them feel like they were not good enough and not doing their best if they didn’t perform higher than everyone else around them. I think most parents are harder on their first, stricter, and have high expectations for them. We don’t realize all of those things don’t really matter. All they do is add stress to everyone and are taking away their childhood. If I could go back I would change so many things and make things better for 1. For all of my threefold.

1 has always been an amazing kid. They have always been responsible, more mature, made good decisions, and trustworthy. 1 is compassionate, loving, affectionate, kind to everyone and is the type of person who will do anything to make someone else feel better. 1 has been another mom to the other two in my threefold. They are best friends with 2 and make sure they are ok. They love 3 and make sure to be affectionate and give them attention and show interest when 3 speaks. 1 is an amazing big sister. 1 rarely fights or argues, they don’t like being in the middle of any conflict. They are the peacemaker. 1 has taught me more than anyone else in my life what unconditional love truly is. They are so forgiving and have an amazing outlook on life. They probably disagree with that, but 1 has overcome so much in their life and still loves just as big and hard even though the world has given them every reason to stop believing in it.

1 has anxiety, depression, ADD, and C-PTSD. 1 has been through so much but always comes out a better person instead of letting their obstacles get in their way. 1 is my biological child but the “milk man” as we do lovingly have named him stopped contact with us when 1 was three. He just wasn’t ready to be a parent. His unwillingness to be a dad and take responsibility was one reason I made sure 1 had a half way decent mom even to be so young I was willing to do whatever I could to take care of my child. 1 was adopted at age 4 by their dad. Unfortunately the happily ever after we were searching for wasn’t in the cards with my ex husband. They will always refer to him as their dad, because he has been the one that they grew up with. Regardless of how they feel about his lack luster parenting, in their opinion at least he stuck around. 1 was forced to grow up in a house that was filled with lots of confrontation, accusations, drug and alcohol abuse, psychological and physical abuse, and to top it off they were sexually abused twice by two separate people at two different times in their life. They still tried to be everything they felt they had to be. However, I didn’t know that behind the smile, the beautiful face and the desire to please everyone they were in so much pain. Just like I had been. Just like we all were. I didn’t realize I was teaching them how men were allowed to treat us, how we weren’t allowed to show emotions, how we were supposed to shove it down and hide it all with a smile.

1 grew up fast. Faster than a lot of kids, but they have always looked like a child and still do. At 4’10” and not much more than 100lbs they have always been the smallest one. That small frame hides a lot of fight though. They are tough. They are sensitive and emotional, but they are strong. It’s taken 1 a while but I truly believe they are growing into a person who sees good in people. I am not sure how after everything they have been through they are still so sweet and willing to put it all on the line for others. It’s truly an amazing power and an inspiration to witness.

I’ve always had a really close relationship with 1. Probably because I was forced to grow up and learn some hard lessons with them instead of teaching those lessons to them. We’ve been through everything together from the beginning. They have been my best friend. I know moms are often ridiculed for saying that because we aren’t supposed to be our kids’ best friend we are supposed to be the parent. Well I think both things are possible. Seems to me like it’s worked out pretty damn good for 1 and I.

I don’t know many 17 year old females that tell their mom everything. I know what they are doing, where they are and who they are with at all times. Not because I track their phone but because they tell me. I don’t have a reason not to trust 1. They aren’t the lying type. Maybe baby white lies, but they don’t lie big. We had a rocky period, where I felt like they were heading down the wrong path. Drinking, smoking pot, sneaking out, boys and all of the typical teenage things that you know they probably will do. When confronted 1 owned up to all of it, took their punishment and learned the lesson. What’s the lesson? Mom always finds out the truth, maybe not the first time, but eventually mom will find out. Truer words have never been spoken. I know. I was a kid and I did all of those things plus more. I bought the t-shirt, hell I made the t-shirt. After that it was like a switch went off in 1. They began sharing more than ever. They began over sharing! I don’t need to know everything, but it sure is great having the relationship with my daughter that I didn’t feel like I could have with my mom at that age.

I get told all of the stuff and all of the things. Now I know how their cycle is going. I know if she has a fight with a friend. When we have a crilbus scare (whole other post for a whole other time.) I get told it’s time to see the gynecologist because they think their ready to trade their v-card for a chance at the big o. I get told about the heartache and the d-bag guys that “hit” them up on social media. She tells me when she is struggling and seeks comfort and reassurance. She comes to me in the good times so I can celebrate her victories and the bad times so we can work through her hurdles. It’s a beautiful thing the communication we share.

1 is an amazingly wonderful person to have as a daughter. I’m so grateful for this child. My 1. My beautiful loving kid. My meanager. I know so much more about them because they are honest. I love that we have all night talks and that they come to me when they are sad, scared, frustrated, anxious, hurt, happy, excited, playful, or just to shoot the shit and hang out. I love that they are affectionate and always wants a hug and an “I love you.” I love that I know they are obsessed with animal crossing and are still child like with their stuffed animal collection. I know they fear disappointing the ones they love. I know that they love art, but often get creative blocks. I know they are an empath who reads energy and absorbs it. I know they think they have a mysterious ailment anytime they don’t feel well or see any skin rash. I know they like to be with people who allow them to express themselves. I know they don’t like drama. I know they get anxious in crowds and when there are loud noises. I know they hate confrontation and they are scared to hurt people. I know they will stand up for others and have strong values. I know they are funny and do amazing impressions. I know they are big hearted, loving and compassionate. I know they are teeny tiny but have big dreams. I know they have more strength than they give themselves credit for. I know that my life would be incomplete without them. I know they are a beautiful person inside and out. I know my threefold would never be if I didn’t start with 1.