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What I Wish My Kids Knew Now

What I wish my kids knew? Phew. A LOADED question for most moms, I think. Mommin’ ain’t easy and my crazy train is on the bipolar express, which makes our lives extra complicated. I’ve got a list, so I figured I share it with my tribe. Ready or not. Here are all the things I wish my kids knew about me, their momma.

My Wishlist

  1. I’m only human. I make mistakes. I mess up. I forget important stuff. I lose track of time. I am just a regular person who is imperfect like they are.
  2. I am inspired, motivated, and intrigued by them. I am in awe of the masterpieces of these little creations.
  3. They hurt my feelings. The mean words, the hurtful actions, or disrespectful behavior genuinely hurts me. They cut me the deepest.
  4. I want to protect them. Sometimes from others, but sometimes from themselves. I hurt when they hurt.
  5. I cry for them, I worry for them, and I obsess over every single decision that will affect them.
  6. All of them are my favorite. Some days it’s my oldest, other days my middle or my youngest. Some days it’s all three. They all hung the moon in my eyes, so there are no trophies for “favorite”.
  7. They make me better. I wouldn’t be who I am without them, individually or collectively. They have changed me in ways they will never recognize.
  8. They’ve saved my life more times than I can count. I struggle with mental illness and I admit I have had many times where I wanted to give up. I’ve always fought through because of them.
  9. I have trauma, too. I have a messy and complicated history. I’m damaged, broken, and haunted by my past. My struggle is just as difficult for me, however, I’m healing.
  10. My life doesn’t revolve around being a mom. I am more than just that title. It’s not always about them. It can’t be.
  11. My frustration is not their burden to carry.
  12. Being the primary parent who is responsible for every aspect of three human lives is extremely difficult. I may not be “single”, but I am the main source of support emotionally, financially and physically.
  13. I pray everyday for them.
  14. I believe in them more than they will ever know. I don’t want to see them struggle. I try to ease that struggle each day.
  15. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right there for every moment until the day I die. Beyond that…it will be in the music.
  16. I always love them, but sometimes I really don’t like them.
  17. I’m sorry for every minute of pain, hurt, trauma, and horror they ever lived. My mom guilt is heavy, and I swear to never allow them to experience any more of that pain.

In My Feelings

I’m not crying! You’re crying! Shut up. <sniffle> Don’t look at me! My experience, their lives, and our family gets me in my feelings sometimes. Not to mention, this momma is exhausted in every way imaginable. Between hospital admissions for 2 and now 3. To the new baby on the way. My vehicle deciding that she has had enough of us, and working all the damn time, it gets very hard.

One day, when these babies have babies they’ll get that we weren’t joking when we said mommin’ ain’t easy! I’m sure you have a few to add to the list! Feel free to share your thoughts on what I missed or missed the mark on! In the meantime, we’ve got this, all of us! Because, that’s what we do! ☮️❤️😊~M

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Parenting Hacks for Raising Teenagers

In case, I haven’t said it recently, mommin’ ain’t easy! If I’m the judge I think I would take the stinky diapers, tantrums, and baby proofing my whole home over raising teenagers! This level is hard! However, as a mom to my threefold <my three daughters> and the bonus mom to another, I have a few parenting hacks for raising teenagers. Yes. That’s right! Honestly, I’ve probably been lucky so far, but I have my days. In fact, there are days when I am screaming my head off while pulling out my hair!

Mommin’ Ain’t Easy

If you have a teenager you know! The truth is, raising Teenagers is hard work! If you have a rocky relationship with your teenager I know how you feel. On the other hand, if you have an awesome relationship with your teenager, I also know how you feel. Furthermore, if you have a relationship that could go either way from one day to the next, I’ve been that mom too. That’s the curse and the blessing of having four girls. Honestly, if one acts one way the other two act differently and with girls there is always drama! If I’m not in the middle of it, the cause of it, or have to fix it then that’s my idea of a good day!

The Mommin’ Manual

If you know me, you’ll know, I’m the mom who repeats ‘I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids!’ Obviously, I do, but this is my mantra as when I am increasingly irritated and want to fly off the edge of patience into momster mode. I didn’t get a mommy manual. Furthermore, the mom/daughter dynamics we hear about and see seem to be made-for-tv BFF bullshit or rivalry and rebellion. There is rarely an in between.

Real talk. We all have our own parenting styles and that’s ok. I’m more of the overly involved, anxious, pushover but with rules. In the end, I want my kids to come to me if they have a problem, not be scared. However, am I right in being that way? Hell if I know. I’m winging my mom life, remember?

Parenting Hacks for Raising Teenagers

No, I don’t have a mommy manual and yes, I’m winging it as I go. However, winging it has helped be successful even it hasn’t gotten me any mom of the year awards. As a momma to three girls and a bonus daughter, who all range in age from 10-18, I’ve had to learn a few parenting hacks to save my sanity and my relationships with these four girls.

Hacks and Hand Me Downs

  1. To start, my number one hack when I need to figure out how to handle my teens is to remember to be the mom I needed when I was their age.
  2. Next, I remember what being a teenage girl was like for me. Even though, it was over 20 years ago!
  3. Another way, I parent is that I listen before I react or respond. 9/10 a thoughtful response goes further than a screaming match ever will.
  4. Wifi passwords can change. I have fallen in love with the app that controls our wifi that I can pause from wherever. I can assign devices and the kid who hasn’t acted right can have their service suspended, Meanwhile, the others can continue living with the luxury of access. Best invention ever!
  5. I gave my kids prepaid phones, no contract. That phone has become the best and worst thing in our lives. It is a wonderful tool if needed. Yes, I resort to bribes when necessary.
  6. In addition, if you miss school you do not have a social life. Don’t say you are sick and then ask if boyfriend or bestie can come by. No.
  7. If my kids want something from me, then they better be willing to work for it. I’m not rich, if they want me to flip the bill for their movie night with their friends or birthday gifts, then they need to do their part. After all, nothing in life is free.
  8. In my opinion, one thing has helped us connect is my threefold and Ione on one time. We do what they are into. Since I have three, I usually aim for one day each per month and one family day all together.
  9. Something else we’ve done is family dinner. Sometimes, this ends in frustration and irritation. Mostly, it end with laughs and communication about the highs and lows of each child’s day.
  10. Like most teenagers, my threefold need to hear the good things about them. Do they make faces and huff when they don’t want to do something, absolutely. However, I do too!
  11. Cut them a little slack. No they can’t get away with skipping school or failing grades. But, hey, if they get a C or even a D on a test, it happens! If they say they need ‘a day off’ and that’s not a regular request, let them. It’s not the end of the world!
  12. Stop holding kids to standards you as an adult can’t reach! If I was graded for my job, I definitely wouldn’t have straight A’s. My attitude is sketchy sometimes. I don’t want to get up in the morning either. I don’t clean my plate. I don’t watch my mouth. I’m not going to make my child feel like perfection is attainable. It’s not.
  13. Finally, let them be themselves. If they can’t be comfortable at home then where are they supposed to be? Honestly, don’t allow your short sidedness hinder them feeling able to be exactly who they are. In addition, know that as a teen that identity will change multiple times.

How My Mom Skills have Helped Me

#1

I know nearly everything my 18 year old does, not because I read her messages or track her phone location, but because she tells me. In fact, I would say she overshares with me at times! When she knew her and her boyfriend of 2 years were headed towards the main event when she was 17, she came to me. We talked about it and took the necessary actions.

#2

My 14 year old has always lacked a filter, but at least she is honest {mostly}. However, as she has begun to mature, her communication got better. For example, when she came out and said she was attracted to other girls, I was able to process the information. This led to more inclusivity of her friends and others. In addition, as a family we were able to support her and boost her confidence in sharing her once secret with others in her life.

#3

This child of mine, she is still young , at only 10. Not all of my methods work for her yet, because she still has less independence. However, I do know that my patience and consistency are key to her feeling heard when she expresses herself. In addition, validation and not feeling like perfection is necessary to please me allows her to feel more comfortable to be herself.

#Bonus

As for my bonus daughter who is 16, I feel my not being overly critical has made us closer. If I have an issue, I will address it mostly with her dad before her. However, we have some heart to heart conversations as well. I don’t try to be her parent, but I try to treat her like my own. That’s a hard balance. In a way, I’m not overstepping but I’m making sure that she is invited and involved in family days, outings, and our routines when she is with us.

Hacks for raising Teenagers

No Method is Perfect

My methods have worked out for me in many ways on this journey. It’s far from perfect and I screw up sometimes, too. I’m going to keep doing me, and you can do you! There isn’t a one size fits all parenting style.

My teenagers test me with their smart ass mouths {that sound just like mine} and quick comebacks quite often. At the end of the day, I know that my threefold isn’t afraid to talk to me. That’s the beauty of it. As always, stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M psss: follow My Threefold on Facebook

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19 Truths about Raising Teenage Daughters

Mommin’ ain’t easy y’all! Raising teenage daughters is comparable to being a personal assistant that is on call 24/7 and has an unappreciative and entitled employer. I wasn’t prepared for many things when I became a momma. This level is harder than I anticipated! Moms walk this fine line of love and hate with their daughters.Honestly, if you have a teenager it’s like all the rules change. Anyone who thinks boys are harder, well they haven’t spent a day with my threefold.

Daughter

Teenage Daughters…(sigh)

I was a teenager, ya know, once upon a time. My mother and I weren’t the mother/daughter duo of tv sitcoms. To be honest, we barely tolerated each other and I never wanted to have that relationship with my threefold. When I became a mom, I was determined to be a better mom than my own. In ways, I am but in some ways I can see why my mom was the parent she was too.

My mom wished threefold upon me before #2 of my threefold was born. {thanks again mom} After my mom passed away I was only 23 and had no preparation for what motherhood would actually be. What I have found is that it is the hardest job on the planet. The truth is that a mom is equal parts of feeling like you are never enough and feeling like you are always doing too much. All. The. Damn. Time.

Moms do their best

You Are a Good Mom

In case no one has told you lately, you’re a good mom! You are doing a great job and you are appreciated. I tell myself that when I am kicking myself in the ass for yelling at my threefold or stressing over all the things that moms worry about. However, it’s hard to see the appreciation through the eye rolls and sighs of discontentment we receive from our offspring. It’s there. Even if it isn’t said.

I know what my threefold love {and hate} about me. I know my strengths {and weaknesses} as a mom. One thing that has come to light as my threefold have grown is that they each need different things from me as a mom. They are unique individuals. Mommin’ isn’t a one size fits all gig. Even so, all we can do is give our best everyday and hope our best is good enough.

Hot mess mom

Raising Teenage Daughters

I didn’t receive a guide for raising my threefold. I didn’t even have a person to go to and ask about this whole mom thing. My parenting style is just me winging it, almost as much as my daughter wings her eyeliner these days. Most moms think they know what to expect, but you definitely don’t. If you did then I would argue that you should write that guide for the rest of us moms who are out here running on caffeine and chaos!

For the moms who are just starting out, the newbie on the mom scene this list is for you. May the odds be ever in your favor. Stay strong, like that coffee you will be drinking in the morning to fuel your motivation for motherhood. To the moms who are in the trenches raising teenagers, I hope this gives you a sigh of relief that you aren’t alone. This list will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even shake your head. Whatever your reaction, just remember, we get threefold what we gave to our parents…and so will our children get that too!

Mom life

19 Truths I’ve Learned Raising Teenage Daughters

  1. Hoarding. Yes I said it. 2 out of 3 of my threefold seem to be hoarders. I have a mine field on two of the bedrooms of our home. Not cool. Afterall, trash goes in trash cans, not under beds. It’s like going into A Marshall’s department store. You just go to browse, but you leave with a bag full of clothes, a random set of cutlery, some dishes, and a headache.
  2. Wastefulness. The amount of food I find wasted is obscene. The drinks left half full and you hear the same thing. However, they want to blame everyone else except themselves. You wonder why you have a grocery bill that is equal to a mortgage payment each month and then to see the waste. It’s infuriating!
  3. DRAMA. This one! Wow. I don’t remember being this dramatic when I was a teenager, but I’m sure I was. If you want to strike up a conversation with a teenage girl just ask how their frenemy is doing. The result will have you lose an hour of your life with this one question.
  4. Know it All. They always say ‘I know mom’ but still manage to not know. Regardless of what they say, ‘I know’ in teenage talk means ‘shut up’
  5. The Switch. When it’s just us we are comfortable and safe to be ourselves. It’s inappropriate and hilarious. The result is us acting goofy and silly. Once a new friend is over, and I’m still me, but they switch on the exasperated embarrassed and too cool persona.
  6. So Gross. If it’s gross I have encountered it throughout motherhood. You expect that to change as they get older, but it doesn’t it just becomes a different gross.
  7. Hygiene. Why do teenagers want to smell like the back of a Chuck E Cheese in the middle of July and McDonald’s onions? This is one thing I will never understand. Just shower! I could fry chicken with all the grease in their hair! In addition to that, that breath is rank. There is a bathroom with a sink AND a shower in addition to that toilet that is often abused.
  8. Dating. Yes you expect this, but what I didn’t expect was the different types of dating. You have talking, going out, crushing, and commitment. I mean what happened to you are dating or you’re not?
  9. Speaking in code. Have you received a text from a teenager and spent an hour just decoding the message? Then you know what I mean. It’s just emojis and random abbreviations. Idk…SMH.
  10. Bathroom Banter. I thought farts and talking shit about your shit was a boy thing or something small children giggled about. I was wrong! Descriptions including size, color, and smell weren’t on my expectation list, yet I still get the updates.
  11. Sex. Yes we know this will happen, eventually, but once you open Pandora’s box and you have open discussions to address questions for your teenager shit gets real. In fact, you may find yourself with a pen and paper taking notes. They know a lot more then we did at their age. Thanks google.
  12. Meanagers. Teenagers are assholes. They are mean, selfish, rude and disrespectful at times. If you didn’t expect to hear loud sighs, see eye rolls, or hear a loud ‘you are ruining my life’ then think again. In all honesty, I don’t know any mom that has not heard the words ‘I hate you’ at least once.
  13. Expensive. We expect our mini me masterpieces to cost us a small fortune, but I didn’t expect raising a teenager would be like paying for a house in cash. Consequently, keeping them in name brand clothes, Nike shoes, make up, hair products, events, extracurricular activities, and the list goes on. It all adds up! The end result is that I feel like I work these days to fund my threefold’s ever growing needs.
  14. Insecurity. I remember being a teen and hating my body and having negative self talk. I just didn’t expect my threefold to have that warped self image. Furthermore, being a teenager is hard and being confident as a teenager is even more difficult. If only they saw what we see.
  15. Mental Health. It would be easy to assume that because I struggled with mental illness starting at a young age that my threefold would too. However, I didn’t expect to be Mommin’ mental illness on the daily. Nor was I prepared for the level of care needed for myself and my threefold.
  16. Guilt. How much mom guilt do you carry? An average amount? None? A lot? I didn’t expect to feel guilty as a mom. I do though. All. The. Damn. Time.
  17. Inappropriate. I have always been pretty inappropriate. Afterall, I didn’t stop using the f word just because I had kids. For example, my jokes containing ‘your mother’ and ‘that’s what she said’ never ceased to be hilarious to me. I didn’t expect that my daughters would have the wildly inappropriate sense of humor they do. It’s true you’re a product of your raising and I’m ok with that.
  18. Individuality. If you were expecting that because they are all girls and all siblings must mean they are similar…WRONG! They may have similar characteristics but they are so different. Therefore, they also need different things from me.
  19. Love. You will never expect the love that comes with being a mom. You will find, that as they grow so does that love. Moreover, you may not always like their behavior, but you will always love them more than anything or anyone else.
Got it from mom

Breathe

In the meantime, relax a bit and enjoy this crazy ride. Besides, soon enough they’ll be off living a life that isn’t reliant upon you. These teenage know it all’s with their hoarder tendencies and inappropriate senses of humor will be raising their own little minions. You’ll be flaunting your bedazzled velour running suit and they’ll be the ones wearing the yoga pants that have never been worn for actual yoga.

I’ve already said it once, however, its worth repeating. You’re doing a great job. You are a good mom. One day, you’ll be laughing and wishing threefold on them. Guess what? They’ll get it. In the end, these mouthy teenage girls will become women bitching about their own little crotch goblins that they created. What about you? In the end, you will be laughing and saying I told you so. The final result will be you saying “Mommin’ ain’t easy is it? That’s right I bought that t-shirt. You can borrow it!” In the meantime stay positive! We’ve got this! ☮️❤️😊~M PS: Follow us on Facebook!

teenage daughters